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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
so she should work now just in case something happens in 5, 10 or 20 years or never?
I know that this is North American culture and thinking. However, it is not shared by other countries and their divorce rates are lower. Just saying.
Yes, in part. But most importantly she should work because she wants to work. I do not know a single woman that has stayed home, with kids or not, that isn't itching to the day they can get back into their careers.
They love spending time with their young children, but crave the mental stimulation that comes with a professional job.
Why wouldn't she? Earn money. Intellectual stimulation. Raises self esteem. Being productive. Work does the mind, body, and soul good. Most people I know get incredibly depressed when they're not working, and not just because of the financial portion. We like getting things done and being productive.
That's only if you have a job that you like. My job isn't even that bad, but it's not my passion in life and I'd never get depressed about not being there if I didn't need the money.
Quote:
Never mind that she should be advancing her career at this time if for not other reason because her marriage may fail, or her husband may die, and she will need to work to live and not working now and staying out of the paid workforce will be detrimental long term to her earning prospects and career advancement.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to be financially dependent on anyone else because people aren't always reliable.
so she should work now just in case something happens in 5, 10 or 20 years or never?
I know that this is North American culture and thinking. However, it is not shared by other countries and their divorce rates are lower. Just saying.
Well, as much as I typically respect your opinion, I can't agree with you here. Chiefly because you really don't address the stated desires of the OP.
The OP wants to work. She wants to put her degree to use. She doesn't find fulfillment staying at home, yet finds her husband standing in her way. Mind you, I do believe that women should have the means to support themselves, yet if a woman is content in staying at home, more power to her.
But that's not what the OP wants (Where IS she, anyway?). She wants to have some kind of career, so how people do it in other countries really has no bearing on the subject.
If you want to work, go do it. You don't need anyone's permission. And make sure once there are 2 people working the household chores are divided up appropriately.
No one knows what the future may hold. It just makes sense to get some experience to go with that degree. Then if circumstances change you will still be employable.
Well, as much as I typically respect your opinion, I can't agree with you here. Chiefly because you really don't address the stated desires of the OP.
The OP wants to work. She wants to put her degree to use. She doesn't find fulfillment staying at home, yet finds her husband standing in her way. Mind you, I do believe that women should have the means to support themselves, yet if a woman is content in staying at home, more power to her.
But that's not what the OP wants (Where IS she, anyway?). She wants to have some kind of career, so how people do it in other countries really has no bearing on the subject.
I agree - sort of - with you. OP wants to work and if she wants to work, she should work. No doubt about it.
However, I don't like that people automatically put her down with statements about divorce, not being worth anything by not working or working for the case her marriage goes downhill (which is a cultural BS opinion people make up because it makes them feel better). OP seems to have a good life, good marriage and just wants to work. So let her work without making all the divorce and what not statements.
I agree - sort of - with you. OP wants to work and if she wants to work, she should work. No doubt about it.
However, I don't like that people automatically put her down with statements about divorce, not being worth anything by not working or working for the case her marriage goes downhill (which is a cultural BS opinion people make up because it makes them feel better). OP seems to have a good life, good marriage and just wants to work. So let her work without making all the divorce and what not statements.
But it's not a cultural BS opinion. It's a cultural reality. Divorces happen in the U.S. Housewives often wind up on the losing end.
Risk is a part of life, but why court it? The OP wants to work. It's in her interest to work. Why shouldn't she? Because her husband doesn't want her to? Because his wants supersede hers?
I agree - sort of - with you. OP wants to work and if she wants to work, she should work. No doubt about it.
However, I don't like that people automatically put her down with statements about divorce, not being worth anything by not working or working for the case her marriage goes downhill (which is a cultural BS opinion people make up because it makes them feel better). OP seems to have a good life, good marriage and just wants to work. So let her work without making all the divorce and what not statements.
See, I don't think anyone is putting her down at all. I'm not sure where you get that. I'm pretty sure everybody on this forum knows an instance where a stay-at-home spouse suddenly found her financial standing in major jeopardy through either divorce or circumstances beyond her control. My mother is a prime example of that.
But it's not a cultural BS opinion. It's a cultural reality. Divorces happen in the U.S. Housewives often wind up on the losing end.
Risk is a part of life, but why court it? The OP wants to work. It's in her interest to work. Why shouldn't she? Because her husband doesn't want her to? Because his wants supersede hers?
Again, it all comes down to what the couple's understanding and agreement was when they entered the marriage.
His wants do not supersede hers, but she can't just do as she pleases like he doesn't exist either.
Perhaps once they've had more time to hash it out he will be more comfortable with the idea - but just up and ramming it down his throat is not a healthy approach
See, I don't think anyone is putting her down at all. I'm not sure where you get that. I'm pretty sure everybody on this forum knows an instance where a stay-at-home spouse suddenly found her financial standing in major jeopardy through either divorce or circumstances beyond her control. My mother is a prime example of that.
I meant the comments from others about her living in the past bec every woman now apparently has to work. I found that very inappropriate.
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