I want a baby and my husband doesn't and wants me to stop getting upset about it (guy, lover)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
She moved out of our house. A year later we divorced. Six months thereafter, she met somebody; got pregnant, got married, give birth, became a stay-at-home-mom. Her new husband is a much younger man, nowhere nearly as established as me, but evidently more effervescent, more empathetic, more relaxed. She reports experiencing a happiness and life-affirming joy in her new role, a joy that remained elusive while she and I were married. And as for me – well, I'm addicted to posting on this Forum.
Normally I'm not into the phrasing of your posts, but this is A+
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving
Could you expand on this?
Via other family members. My brother, on average, has 50% of my genes. His successful reproduction insures my family's genes live on.
On average, my first cousins have 12.5% of my genes (if I recall the math correctly, it has been awhile since genetics class), so while less effective, without a first sibling, my cousin's reproducing pass on my families genes as well (though only a paternal or maternal side).
It is why in some species (many many species really) not every individual reproduces, but they can still pass on their genes and continue to biologically "live".
The OP's situation is eerily reminiscent of what happened in my own former marriage. During the dating-process, we were both adamantly child-free. I am an avowed anti-natalist. My ex had no philosophical objections to reproduction, but was uninterested in the fuss, the responsibility, the drain on her resources. So while our reasons for being child-free were different, the practical consequences was identical. When we got married, I was 30, and she was 29. Continuing through our mid-30s, our views remains invariable. Then, at age 37, my then-wife's views on children, family and motherhood completely reversed. She announced that her life was empty, vapid, devoid of meaning; that only the biological and emotional experience of motherhood could validate her as a woman and as a human being. To affirm her existence, she announced, she must have a biological child of her own, going through the mechanics of pregnancy and birth, passing on her genes. She wanted to be transformed by the emotions of becoming a mother, expecting to mature literally instantaneously (for years she referred to her own self as an overgrown child).
She moved out of our house. A year later we divorced. Six months thereafter, she met somebody; got pregnant, got married, give birth, became a stay-at-home-mom. Her new husband is a much younger man, nowhere nearly as established as me, but evidently more effervescent, more empathetic, more relaxed. She reports experiencing a happiness and life-affirming joy in her new role, a joy that remained elusive while she and I were married. And as for me – well, I'm addicted to posting on this Forum.
Marriage offers many legal, psychological, financial and social advantages to the married couple, regardless of their reproductive choices. Marriage was invented to pool resources and to establish paternity if and when children were born. While it's true that kids do better in a stable household with parents married to each other, that does not imply that the purpose of marriage is to have children. Power-tools do better when stored in a heated and insulated garage, but that doesn't mean that the purpose of a garage is to store tools, or that people who own no tools shouldn't be buying houses with garages.
The OP's situation is eerily reminiscent of what happened in my own former marriage. During the dating-process, we were both adamantly child-free. I am an avowed anti-natalist. My ex had no philosophical objections to reproduction, but was uninterested in the fuss, the responsibility, the drain on her resources. So while our reasons for being child-free were different, the practical consequences was identical. When we got married, I was 30, and she was 29. Continuing through our mid-30s, our views remains invariable. Then, at age 37, my then-wife's views on children, family and motherhood completely reversed. She announced that her life was empty, vapid, devoid of meaning; that only the biological and emotional experience of motherhood could validate her as a woman and as a human being. To affirm her existence, she announced, she must have a biological child of her own, going through the mechanics of pregnancy and birth, passing on her genes. She wanted to be transformed by the emotions of becoming a mother, expecting to mature literally instantaneously (for years she referred to her own self as an overgrown child).
She moved out of our house. A year later we divorced. Six months thereafter, she met somebody; got pregnant, got married, give birth, became a stay-at-home-mom. Her new husband is a much younger man, nowhere nearly as established as me, but evidently more effervescent, more empathetic, more relaxed. She reports experiencing a happiness and life-affirming joy in her new role, a joy that remained elusive while she and I were married. And as for me – well, I'm addicted to posting on this Forum.
Marriage offers many legal, psychological, financial and social advantages to the married couple, regardless of their reproductive choices. Marriage was invented to pool resources and to establish paternity if and when children were born. While it's true that kids do better in a stable household with parents married to each other, that does not imply that the purpose of marriage is to have children. Power-tools do better when stored in a heated and insulated garage, but that doesn't mean that the purpose of a garage is to store tools, or that people who own no tools shouldn't be buying houses with garages.
First part, Great for your Ex, she deserved better!
Second part, the traditional meaning was for procreation and inheritence of property. It's been changed recently to appease those who have delinked sex and procreation.
You know I try to be reasonable and civil but when someone labels themselves as a anti-natalist those are fighting words and a threat to me and my family's well being because it implies not only a choice for yourself but fostering your idea that no one should reproduce!
It is comforting to know that in the end my ideas will win out, you have no one to pass them on to.
Via other family members. My brother, on average, has 50% of my genes. His successful reproduction insures my family's genes live on.
On average, my first cousins have 12.5% of my genes (if I recall the math correctly, it has been awhile since genetics class), so while less effective, without a first sibling, my cousin's reproducing pass on my families genes as well (though only a paternal or maternal side).
It is why in some species (many many species really) not every individual reproduces, but they can still pass on their genes and continue to biologically "live".
Some research has shown that, in a family containing male siblings, the younger siblings are progressively more likely to be gay. The hypothesis is that, genetically speaking, there is less need for younger siblings to pass on the family's genes (assumes their older brothers are doing a good job with that). I think some research on this was published in Scientific America a few years back and there was a thread on this forum about it.
First part, Great for your Ex, she deserved better!
Second part, the traditional meaning was for procreation and inheritence of property. It's been changed recently to appease those who have delinked sex and procreation.
You know I try to be reasonable and civil but when someone labels themselves as a anti-natalist those are fighting words and a threat to me and my family's well being because it implies not only a choice for yourself but fostering your idea that no one should reproduce!
It is comforting to know that in the end my ideas will win out, you have no one to pass them on to.
That's an awful amount of pressure to put on any child.
No pressure. The likelihood of one out of a family of 3 kids, say, would naturally make the choice to have kids. The others could opt in or out, as they prefer.
Honestly, If someone told me upfront that none of my kids would ever have children I might question point of having them.
As Humans like other Animals in nature we want kids so our genes and family line carries on. If our kids dont have kids we went through a lot for nothing.
...but it is their choice. Also, by your logic, a thug/hoodrat who raises their son/daughter to be another thug/hoodrat should have a thug/hoodrat grandchild because, you know, biology. Never mind that this could be more of a detriment to society if the child follows in the parents' footsteps.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyJet
Only problem with Mother in law butting in is she did it too late. She shoudl have brought them up while the daughter was of child bearing age.
You cosign with the deceit. Great!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyJet
Honestly if you dont want to have kids dont get married or get married to a women who is sterile. Actually I take that back. My buddy who had twins with first wife remarried in mid thirties to a women who was medically incapable of having kids. He has a vascetemy himself already. After they were married he said one of main reasons he was attracted as she cant have kids and wont bug him to reverse his vascetemy and he has no step children to support and when it is his turn to watch kids and he has a business trip she could watch his kids for free. Apparantly the marriage ended a few months after he disclosed this.
What if the sterile wife wanted to adopt?
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