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I can't think of anything that I wish I had known, to be honest. I married the love of my life and we have a wonderful marriage. I almost married someone else and that would not have been a wonderful marriage. I would just say that if you can honestly look at your relationship and know that you love each other tremendously, respect each other, trust each other completely, can say anything to each other, are always honest with each other, and are lustful about each other - then you are starting out on the right foot!
If you are going to break up or divorce someone because they eat ketchup sandwiches in bed, then I would question your level of commitment to making the relationship work. You probably shouldn't live with someone if the relationship is that fragile.
I feel that having shared values, goals and a similar lifestyle is important to know before you live with another person, married or not. But being truly committed is essential and that's where "test driving" a relationship fails.
If you are going to break up or divorce someone because they eat ketchup sandwiches in bed, then I would question your level of commitment to making the relationship work. You probably shouldn't live with someone if the relationship is that fragile.
I feel that having shared values, goals and a similar lifestyle is important to know before you live with another person, married or not. But being truly committed is essential and that's where "test driving" a relationship fails.
Personally, I'm glad that my husband and I lived together before we got married. By the time we got married, we knew each other inside and out. We didn't have an adjustment period after we got married and we didn't have any doubts about spending the rest of our lives together after we had already managed to stay in love with each other after sharing a 300sq foot studio! But to each their own!
Yes, I had quite similar feelings prior to marrying my ex. What I didn't pay any heed to back then was that future children you (may) have will be placed directly into an environment you find off-putting - and there isn't anything you can really do to control much in that circumstance.
Be very careful with the choices you make. That is basically what I am advising.
Any in-law stories you have to tell regarding this?
That's great to hear, Dewdroplet76. It's obvious from your posts how happy you are in your marriage.
My husband and I took the opposite approach and didn't live together until after marriage. We were true "newlyweds" during our first year and it was an exciting and romantic time that I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China. We discovered, and are still discovering, new things about each other. Even after seven years, I can't say that we know each other "inside and out", he still surprises me and I like that.
Answering the OP's question, I can't think of anything I wish I'd known beforehand that is significant. One thing we can't agree on is how and when to use the AC. My hubby likes it on (not only to keep it cool, but to mute outside noise and keep dust down) whereas I like to have all the windows open to let the wonderful tradewinds to flow through.
We don't agree about it, but we are not going to divorce over it!
Looking back, what is something you have learned since getting married that you wish you knew beforehand? Positive or negative. Also, what is one piece of advice that you would give to engaged couples or people seriously considering engagement?
I wish I would have known the biblical side of marriage and what it means.
Advice: Dont go with what society tells you for what you should or shouldnt do with your spouse, marriage, kids, etc. Only you 2 can decide. There are SO many posts on here " Billy cheated " " Sally spent my money " asking "what do i do?" Only you 2 can decide whats best! If i had listened to society, id be divorced but instead i renewed my vows.
Any in-law stories you have to tell regarding this?
I could write a novel - the red flags were there at the beginning in spades. I'd convinced myself, though, that I was marrying the black sheep of that family. Humiliating when those rose-colored glasses got smashed. I'd chosen to see what I wanted to see & unfortunately it wasn't reality. If the family members just have personalities that you clash with - no big deal. However, if you find fault in their characters - that is what I think one should pay more attention to. Hindsight. Just sharing what I've learned.
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