(guys)Actual relationship ADVICE, no more complaining! (difference, reason, respect)

[Dr. Clean]

Originally Posted by ChickenPox

um,yeah, but emotions give rise to thoughts, and thoughts give rise to emotions. Once we have started to see this, we realize that we can change our thoughts and therefore change our emotions.

Originally Posted by timberline742

Thoughts and emotions aren't separate things. You can control your thoughts and a person needs to own their emotions. That is part of maturity.

you guys can argue this academically, but emotions are interconnected to biological needs and desires. and while i agree that you can manipulate thoughts and emotions at times, you can't reprogram your dna and evolutionary hard wiring. sure you can deny it, but your also denying evolutionary tried-and-true design that got you here. for example, i for one would certainly appreciate it if women would be more open to reason and logic in dealing with relationship matters, but i discovered it works best if i accept them as the are (more emotional). but whatever, go with you think best in furthering your relationship interests

Originally Posted by ChickenPox

What do you mean with "it is evolutionary and biological"? When you say it is "evolutionary" you say, that there is a gene, which encodes for a protein, which activates a cascade in the brain making a human feel the need for "human touch". Makes no sense. "Biological" would basically point in the same direction, so no need to differentiate here. Ever heard of neuroplasticity? Why should one become "a little rough around the edges"? Any proof for this assertion? IMO people who are "rough around the edges" lack human touch a priori.

actually, i have in fact been looking to neuroplasticity but in a different context (just ordered Andew Newberg's "How God Changes Your Brain", check out his youtube vids). but as for my reference as being rough around the edges, it's another way of saying someone has become socially awkward, someone with limited social intelligence due to lack of relationship experience. it's often one variant of why the word "creep" has become popular.

Why do women have a tendency to call socially awkward guys "creepy" and "weird"? - GirlsAskGuys.com

[Frayzer]

Holy... I missed a lot since I was last here.

Originally Posted by monumentus

You have been here - what - 3 months and you have reached the point of this rant already? As at least one other user has pointed out already - this post came across as more of a rant than anything else. Have you considered that perhaps the issue lies with your tolerance rather than the forum?

Your observations do not match my own. I find that this forum is very open about making sure people get advice when they ask for it.

If you feel the forum is lacking in good advice on it's threads - then simply step up to the plate and keep giving some on those threads.



What has that got to do with "masculinity" at all? How does happiness by motivation through passions and hobbies not apply exactly equally to women and children too?



How have you established that men are naturally independent? We are a social species and our independence is highly mediated by this. Also are you suggesting women are somehow less independent than men in some way?



Speak for yourself. You certainly do not speak for me - or any guys in my circle.



Which attributes exactly are you defining as "feminine"? Stalking? Is that not just misogynist gender bashing?



Why does it have to be one or another? Sometimes people simply do not want to be in a relationship with the person who wants to be in a relationship with them. Its not about anyone being "wrong" or being "weak and needy". It is just as simply as human attraction is not present in these situations.



How are you defining "masculine man" exactly? So far your definitions of masculinity have been either absent, or really off kilter.



Again things you are applying to masculinity appear to be things that apply equally to women too. Nothing you have listed in this paragraph are "man" things. They are "people" things. Both sexes.



This is probably the only thing in your post so far that I can agree with. It is certainly a strength in life - for BOTH sexes again - to simply be comfortable being who it is you are. That comes across. And as I said it applies equally to both sexes.



That is unhelpful. And it does not follow. Perhaps you can be correct to suggest they do not like themselves. Many people suffer from this. But that does not mean they suck. Not at all. And telling them that they do will only compound their self-dislike further. Pushing people with a self image or self loathing problem further in that direction by telling them they suck - when there is no reason to think they do - is not a helpful or accurate approach. It is simply a mean spirited kicking of people when they are down. And I do not recognize the pedestal from which you presume to do it.



That form of unsubstantiated and false generalization about the female sex as a whole is not likely to cause people to put much stock in anything else you say.



This is not something I have ever agreed with or seen reason to agree with really. I agree some men and women might have that perception of themselves. But that does not mean those perceptions are warranted - at all.



That is not the best advice at all - it is one of the worst. We are attracted to who we are attracted to. Simple as. We should not compromise who we are - or what we want - just to get _something_. That is neither fair on yourself - or the person who ends up with you - who should be with someone who actually wants them fully - and not with someone who just settled for them because they could not get better.

I would want to be alone forever before simply compromising and ending up with someone I did not really want to be with at all.

This post tells me that you're a woman, don't know anything about attraction/relations, and that I have no further comments after this one that I will make in response to you simply because it will get out of hand.

When it comes to attraction, men and women are very different. Maybe achieving inner confidence is the same, but the latter is definitely not.

[Frayzer]

Originally Posted by Memphis1979

His standards are unrealistic. I have a thing for Mila Kunis, but I don't wait for her or a woman like her. I date others that I find attractive.

His idea of attraction is to high for who he is. Lets face it, we aren't all Clooney and Pitt.

By I mean "Standards" I mean women you find attractive. They don't have to be celebrity's dude.

[Frayzer]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

MYTH ... She posted that the 40% figure is mythical. Another poster pointed to stats from the CDC, saying that roughly 80% of men and women reproduce by age 40.

That "myth" is actually very true.

[Frayzer]

Originally Posted by timberline742

There is nothing untenable about getting in shape, dressing decently, and being fun to be around and interesting to talk to. That is all that is needed. It is completely tenable for almost everyone.

Heck, I don't even have that all going for me yet I have some success.

Yup, basically. Extroverts, or people who talk to people in general, will often find it easier with women than those who aren't.

[Frayzer]

Originally Posted by OvernightDelivery

The reason you have to be happy with yourself is not because women require it but because no matter what you're going to fail a **** load.

I'm starting to think a major issue with dating 27+ is that everyone is trying to find a perfect match however everyone is 27+! Everyone is very complicated with a wide range of experiences at this point... Most LTR type people are in LTR's. You simply just can't be a great person and show interest anymore. You have to be an entertainer / player and then it ends when the click ends.

Your post was good until the part I highlighted in bold. Once you establish a strong frame and a confident mindset, then you will become omnipotent. I'm not sure if you're good at night game but it's the same feeling you get when you start dancing and talking/getting with women. You just feel fearless.

[Frayzer]

Originally Posted by jma501

I am not afraid to go to the city. I have managed low income scattered site apartment houses in south providence and spent 12 1/2 years managing a low income apartment complex in downtown woonsocket. I am just not crazy enough to go to the night clubs. Nice wise ass remark though.

You can meet women anywhere, not just the "night scene." The ones there are typically low quality hookups anyway.

Stop making excuses on why you aren't meeting women dude.

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

Night clubs are one thing, but what about wine bars? Cocktail lounges? Microbreweries? Gastropubs? You're a photographer, right? What about gallery openings and museum events? Not all night life is thumpa thumba club music.

He's making excuses for not meeting women.

Originally Posted by jma501

These are all good ideas but I am not a drinker. Too many alcoholics in the family. When I drank when I was in my early twenties I always drank way too much. Only small galleries with infrequent openings. I do attend my photo arts group functions at a local art association though. I am also thinking about joining a second photo arts club as well.

Oh look, another excuse for not meeting women.

Originally Posted by Lafleur

Okay, so you don't agree with my nomenclature. But you still realize the importance of intimacy, as you have admittedly slept with/sexed/were intimate with/screwed/****ed/consummated your love with several women while you were single.

Not sure what this sub-argument is about, but yes sex is vital.

Originally Posted by Lafleur

Excuse me, but you're wrong. Intimacy encompasses a whole slew of characteristics with a general theme, but most of which are defined by the individual. Kissing and taking a walk in the park with my mate ARE intimate moments for me.

And you can't seem to stick to the particular points I originally brought up, so I don't see any benefit in discussing this further with you. If you're confused, go back to post #62 and start there.

I'm guessing you're a women, nothing wrong with that. But men and women interpret intimacy somewhat differently. The "walking in the park" and "kissing" is really intimate for you, but for men sex will always be the most intimate for us. Even if you're a guy, you can fight it all you want. But at the end of the day, we all just want some tail.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by Frayzer

This post tells me that you're a woman, don't know anything about attraction/relations, and that I have no further comments after this one that I will make in response to you simply because it will get out of hand.

In other words - you can not rebut a single thing I said - so you are replying with a cop out.

And no - I am not a woman - so you did not even get THAT right either.

But it really is up to you - you can attempt to rebut what I said - or you can dismiss it with a cop out and wander off. No one is forcing you either way really.

[Lafleur]

Originally Posted by Frayzer

I'm guessing you're a women, nothing wrong with that. But men and women interpret intimacy somewhat differently. The "walking in the park" and "kissing" is really intimate for you, but for men sex will always be the most intimate for us. Even if you're a guy, you can fight it all you want. But at the end of the day, we all just want some tail.

Yes, when I was a 16 y/o boy, I felt that way, too. Then I grew up, became a man, and realized that there additionally other things that I cherish with women.

[Frayzer]

Originally Posted by monumentus

In other words - you can not rebut a single thing I said - so you are replying with a cop out.

And no - I am not a woman - so you did not even get THAT right either.

But it really is up to you - you can attempt to rebut what I said - or you can dismiss it with a cop out and wander off. No one is forcing you either way really.

I really thought you were a woman dude... I don't like giving advise to women simply because I don't know how. The stuff that I know that works for men generally doesn't for women.

But seeing how you admit that you're a guy... I'll gladly proceed!

Originally Posted by monumentus

You have been here - what - 3 months and you have reached the point of this rant already? As at least one other user has pointed out already - this post came across as more of a rant than anything else. Have you considered that perhaps the issue lies with your tolerance rather than the forum?

From what I've scene, heard, and came from, this is the ultimate crying place. I'm not bashing it or anything just pointing out that there is a lot of clueless guys here.


I agree, my tolerance is very low when it comes to this type of stuff simply because the answer to all of it is so simple!!

Originally Posted by monumentus

Your observations do not match my own. I find that this forum is very open about making sure people get advice when they ask for it.

If you feel the forum is lacking in good advice on it's threads - then simply step up to the plate and keep giving some on those threads.

I don't have an issue with people giving advice, in fact I do it myself. But most of the advice I read is just flat out bad... I don't EVER see people making thread ABOUT advise rather than people asking for it. There are no "guru's" in a sense.

Originally Posted by monumentus

What has that got to do with "masculinity" at all?

You cannot rely on other people for happiness. This question actually made me laugh dude...

Originally Posted by monumentus

How does happiness by motivation through passions and hobbies not apply exactly equally to women and children too?

It probably does? But I'm not a woman nor have the proper advice giving experience with women that judgement. Which is why I didn't want to reply to you in the first place!

Originally Posted by monumentus

How have you established that men are naturally independent? We are a social species and our independence is highly mediated by this. Also are you suggesting women are somehow less independent than men in some way?

Were clearly on different pages at this point.


Independent as in happy and don't need others to make you happy. You can have friends but those people don't dictate your happiness. Women CAN be independent, but it is very different from male independence.

Originally Posted by monumentus

Speak for yourself. You certainly do not speak for me - or any guys in my circle.

I highlighted something in red in my original post, read that.

Originally Posted by monumentus

Which attributes exactly are you defining as "feminine"? Stalking? Is that not just misogynist gender bashing?

When "men" treat women like they're the greatest thing on earth. Men, who have a decent state of mind, do not ever do that. I'm not sure of your experience regarding women, but when you find/get a girl really interested then she will make you feel like a king. But you cannot do the same.

I don't make the rules I just notice and obey them dude.

Originally Posted by monumentus

Why does it have to be one or another? Sometimes people simply do not want to be in a relationship with the person who wants to be in a relationship with them. Its not about anyone being "wrong" or being "weak and needy". It is just as simply as human attraction is not present in these situations.

Because the world is Black and White. Especially when it comes to attraction.


That "attraction" is not present because at least ONE person is doing something unattractive to REPEL the other party, male or female. From males, it's generally weak and needy or complacency. For females, it's generally not taking care of yourself/with holding from intimacy. These BOTH can be the cause of one another however.

Originally Posted by monumentus

How are you defining "masculine man" exactly? So far your definitions of masculinity have been either absent, or really off kilter.

I defined it in my original post, I think it was in the first paragraph or something.

Originally Posted by monumentus

Again things you are applying to masculinity appear to be things that apply equally to women too. Nothing you have listed in this paragraph are "man" things. They are "people" things. Both sexes.

You believe WAY to much in equality dude... I believe in equality as well don't get me wrong, but certain things MUST stay in their respective shells. There's a reason why men have a penis and women have a vagina.

Originally Posted by monumentus

This is probably the only thing in your post so far that I can agree with. It is certainly a strength in life - for BOTH sexes again - to simply be comfortable being who it is you are. That comes across. And as I said it applies equally to both sexes.

Probably, I would like to think so.

Originally Posted by monumentus

That is unhelpful. And it does not follow. Perhaps you can be correct to suggest they do not like themselves. Many people suffer from this. But that does not mean they suck. Not at all. And telling them that they do will only compound their self-dislike further. Pushing people with a self image or self loathing problem further in that direction by telling them they suck - when there is no reason to think they do - is not a helpful or accurate approach. It is simply a mean spirited kicking of people when they are down. And I do not recognize the pedestal from which you presume to do it.

Egotistical minds will succumb to NOTHING but praise and approval. That is why they currently "suck." They rely on others for happiness. I want them to improve don't get me wrong but they have to realize that they are living in a false world and have the drive to improve. There are people out there who want to improve but there are far more egotistical/weak people.

I do not cater to those people.

Originally Posted by monumentus

That form of unsubstantiated and false generalization about the female sex as a whole is not likely to cause people to put much stock in anything else you say.

This tells me you know very little about women/relationships, that's fine we all start somewhere. Just because you don't like the sound of something it still doesn't mean it isn't true. Wake up dude.

Originally Posted by monumentus

This is not something I have ever agreed with or seen reason to agree with really. I agree some men and women might have that perception of themselves. But that does not mean those perceptions are warranted - at all.

I'm not sure what you are talking about here.

Originally Posted by monumentus

That is not the best advice at all - it is one of the worst. We are attracted to who we are attracted to. Simple as. We should not compromise who we are - or what we want - just to get _something_. That is neither fair on yourself - or the person who ends up with you - who should be with someone who actually wants them fully - and not with someone who just settled for them because they could not get better.

I would want to be alone forever before simply compromising and ending up with someone I did not really want to be with at all.

There's a difference between liking yourself and liking a fake self. Your ego will always supply a fake self and will compromise improvement. Once you get a hold of your ego, that's when you can never stop improving. The problem with your statement is that people will begin to think "oh well If I'm fine now I don't ever have to improve or change for the greater good" whether they say it or not, they will do this. That is how people are.

Change is what makes great people.