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I don't see anything wrong at all with wanting to make out a little but not have sex. His expectations were wrong and he tried to guilt you into sex...I'm surprised he didn't pull out the "blue balls" line! It would have been better for your own safety if there'd been another place to make out besides his room...yeah, I know that's a tough one but usually you can at least kiss in darker corner where there are still some people kinda close, etc.
I think the fact that he invited her back to his place gave mixed signals, thats code for "hook up" in the 20 something realm.
He handled it completely wrong though, I agree with that.
He sounds like a douchebag. Unfortunately a lot of guys at that age push sex too soon. Do what is comfortable and right for you, if he doesn't like it, he can hit the bricks.
Going to the bedroom was a mistake. He thought that since you went there you wanted to have sex otherwise you wouldn’t put yourself in a position where something unwanted may occur. You may have trusted him and he violated that trust because a trustworthy individual would not only not ever touch you uninvited he also would never hint, ‘accidently” brush against or otherwise touch you. I have slept in the same bed with a girl with our clothes on and there was no touching or body contact of any kind. Not even hugs, hands touching, nothing. Zero contact. It is possible as I have done it, or rather not done “it”. I remain pure as the driven snow and so does she.
Come to think of it how did I allow myself to be placed in such a position? Yet nothing happened, but still… (?) This thread reminded me of this. Man I have dated many girls and there was plenty of opportunity – if I was uncouth, which I am not.
This weekend I started making out with a guy who I met at a party last weekend. (We're both 21) We were in his room and I stopped him before he started taking my shirt off. I basically told him I wanted to not rush anything because I didn't know him. (Which I don't) I met him at a party last weekend and we exchanged numbers. He started to ask me why I was being weird and honestly made me feel like I was being wrong or strange for not wanting to have sex. I remember he said something along the lines of "No other girl has done this" and I was a little insulted. He then asked me if I was a virgin in a condescending way as if it was a bad thing. I told him no even though I am. I feel like I'm in this position a lot and most of the time it's really awkward and uncomfortable. Am I supposed to make it more clear from the beginning that I want to at least hangout a few times before sex happens?
I can tell you most guys that make out with you will want more. Not all of them will act like jerks when you stop the action though. Still, if you don't want to keep ending up in this awkward situation, I suggest you kiss him in a way that indicates you are interested but not ready to have sex. Making out is not that type of kissing.
This weekend I started making out with a guy who I met at a party last weekend. (We're both 21) We were in his room and I stopped him before he started taking my shirt off. I basically told him I wanted to not rush anything because I didn't know him. (Which I don't) I met him at a party last weekend and we exchanged numbers. He started to ask me why I was being weird and honestly made me feel like I was being wrong or strange for not wanting to have sex. I remember he said something along the lines of "No other girl has done this" and I was a little insulted. He then asked me if I was a virgin in a condescending way as if it was a bad thing. I told him no even though I am. I feel like I'm in this position a lot and most of the time it's really awkward and uncomfortable. Am I supposed to make it more clear from the beginning that I want to at least hangout a few times before sex happens?
Don't worry about it. Guys say sh*t all the time to guilt trip a girl into bed. Look, if you want someone who shares your morals and values; you need to start hanging out with the right crowd, with the right people that shares your beliefs, thoughts, morals, etc.
Based on your post, he's not a keeper. And not your type. If you want someone who will take your seriously and not just a sex object, go elsewhere.
This weekend I started making out with a guy who I met at a party last weekend. (We're both 21) We were in his room and I stopped him before he started taking my shirt off. I basically told him I wanted to not rush anything because I didn't know him. (Which I don't) I met him at a party last weekend and we exchanged numbers. He started to ask me why I was being weird and honestly made me feel like I was being wrong or strange for not wanting to have sex. I remember he said something along the lines of "No other girl has done this" and I was a little insulted. He then asked me if I was a virgin in a condescending way as if it was a bad thing. I told him no even though I am. I feel like I'm in this position a lot and most of the time it's really awkward and uncomfortable. Am I supposed to make it more clear from the beginning that I want to at least hangout a few times before sex happens?
I am sorry that happened to you, that you found yourself in a fix like that. I mean no disrespect...in the future you might want to re-consider agreeing to go to a secluded or private space with a male, and agreeing to become partially or fully undressed. In the minds of many men, you MAY have given him two "green lights" for how you felt about intimacy with him that evening. I'm not saying it is right that they think this. That is not the point. I'm telling you that is how they think.
Assuming we are dealing with normal men (not violent or predators) they will go along with the pace you want to set in the relationship. So, if you are not ready to communicate to your partner you are ready for intimacy, then avoid being in rooms alone with him (as in your room, his room, a hotel room, etc.) Do not partially or fully undress yourself or allow him to do so.
These measures would not be necessary if we lived in a fully "free, enlightened" society, but who are we kidding? We know this is not the case. You're probably better off for the chance to see his spoiled, ugly "entitled" side with he is refused sex. I notice he even resorted to shaming to attempt to make things go his way. I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but a woman has to be vigilant and assume responsibility for her personal safety these days. She can't afford to say or think to herself, "Well, he knows someone I know...or we're at college so it's okay to trust him" You just can't do this. It's kind of foolish to think you can. Please be more careful with who you trust. It was probably way too early to be alone with him if you just met him. Phone numbers and such...that really doesn't mean anything as regards trustworthiness and honorable behavior from a man.
When I was a teenaged/young adult woman, my father took pains to explain to me "How Guys Are/Can Be" I can only imagine how uncomfortable and awkward it must have been to speak to his daughter that way, but I believe it is the duty of caring male relatives in a young woman's family to make sure she understands these things before she starts spending time with men (young or otherwise)
Last edited by laorbust61; 10-27-2014 at 01:29 PM..
You set up an expectation by taking the steps to establish intimacy BEFORE you got close enough to feel comfortable with that person.
You went against your own feelings towards Sexual relations and confused the lines for the both of you.
In turn it made him feel rejected and you feel like a bad person
Next time try not to allow yourself to get caught up in the moment and what others want from you or think of you and stick to what you say is your truth.
Last edited by rego00123; 10-27-2014 at 01:44 PM..
Don't do sex unless you feel you want to, don't give into the pressure from someone else. That said if the roles were reversed a woman starts having crazy thoughts if a guy doesn't want to have sex. Is he gay? Does he have a small penis? Is he impotent? In other words a lot of women think there is something wrong with a guy that doesn't want to have sex.
The bottom line is that nothing happened so you were lucky and you have achieved awareness now of what can potentially happen and where something unwanted might happen. A black belt karate instructor buddy told me “don’t put yourself in a position or situation where you will need to use your skills and if you do it has to be as natural as riding a bicycle in that you don’t have to think about what you need to do.” In a turn you automatically lean into it without thinking. And also – run. Personally if I were you I would have kicked him in the you know where. He would literally be incapacitated for a good 90 seconds giving you enough time to flee.
You set up an expectation by taking the steps to establish intimacy BEFORE you got close enough to feel comfortable with that person.
You went against your own feelings towards Sexual relations and confused the lines for the both of you.
I'm turn it made him feel rejected and you feel like a bad person
Next time try not to allow yourself to get caught up in the moment and what others want from you or think of you and stick to what you say is your truth.
He made you feel bad because he was frustrated and you nicked his ego, and I'm just applying the old adage here, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" The ounce of prevention being:
1. When you are getting to know a potential partner, take some time to think over what kind of boundaries you want to put into play. To effectively do this, you need to get to know a potential partner in a setting that is safe and comforatable, where there will be no temptation to engage in acts that will elevate emotions and libidos.
2. Clear and open communication with him is the first boundary where you see to gather information on whether he is an honorable and trustworthy person (if that is what you're looking for. If your looking for something other than that, be prepared to witness some pretty selfish hurtful behavior towards you once the man's "objective" has been met. You'll continue to have problems if you say, "Wait" and then willingly go into a situation where your actions are conveying to him, "I don't want to wait" That would make a mess.
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