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I have been dating this guy for about 2 months and we finally slept together the other day. I had been wanting to for a while, but holding back because I wanted to make sure I was ready and that I trusted him. We've talked and texted a whole lot, especially in the beginning and even spent hours on the phone, but I'd noticed he started contacting me less in the past few weeks. We had started talking a lot again last week and it just happened. It was enjoyable for both of us I thought, but in the morning he seemed awkward and distant. We did kiss goodbye, but he wouldn't look me in the eye for that long. We did have a problem with the condom and he got a little worried at one point so I thought it may have had someone to do with that. He said he'd talk to me later, but I didn't hear from him all day. I ended up deciding to get morning after pill just to ease his mind (and mine). He actually did text me, but it wasn't until 2am even though he was off most of the day. I texted him the following morning mentioning i took the pill, but he didn't respond. That made me kinda upset because it made me feel alone in it all. I texted him again around 2am (we do text late a lot) asking if something was wrong. He responded the next day in the afternoon saying i had not done anything wrong and saying he was sorry. I wrote back saying thanks for letting me know and saying that I wish he would have just said something sooner, but he didn't respond to my followup text for the rest of the day. It's been 3 days since then and I haven't heard from him. It's really stressing me out because he convinced me he was a good guy and would never hurt a woman and he understands women because he grew up close to his mother and sisters. He was very much into me in the beginning and wanting a real relationship that he said he hadn't had in so long. We're in our late 20s and he let me know how much he just really wants to find love with the right woman, though he mentioned he's picky.
Did he start to lose interest a few weeks back and then decided maybe he could still at least sleep with me? He's always been very sweet and in the beginning I even told my friends how attentive he was and would always text back and check up on me or say sorry if he took to long to contact me. Now we've slept together and its silence. I know he'll respond if I text him now, but should I just wait for him? I really don't believe he'll just ignore me that much longer, but it hurts and I almost want to text him just to let him know its over and he's a liar. Should I be friendly in my approach or what?
I'm sorry that you are going through this pain. He sounds like he's not worth it if he can't even call you/ get back to you. For your own piece of mind, find someone else. Some people simply don't change and if this is reflective of how he will treat you-run. It won't get any better only worse.
I can't speculate as to what he is thinking, but only two things seem clear.
He doesn't care enough to contact you. Which should tell you to forget about him.
If he does like you and he's this aloof, it's not going to get any better. Cut ties now and find someone who is going to treat you good. He's clearly not about you and seems to only care for himself. That won't change. Good luck and sorry you are hurting.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 11-05-2014 at 07:56 PM..
I think it's more accurate to say that they are very common in your experience, because they have not been very common for me. I have not experienced any of the things you have written about in this thread, and you can't generalize that YOUR experience is universal.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I think it's more accurate to say that they are very common in your experience, because they have not been very common for me. I have not experienced any of the things you have written about in this thread, and you can't generalize that YOUR experience is universal.
I never said universal. Just common. It isn't just my experiences, but those of many people I've been friends with over my adult life (say 25 of my 43) years. They're all over the place, which is why people try to determine vanilla levels early, whether people are sub, dom, switch, tops or bottoms, spankers or spankees, or any huge number of factors that go into sex lives. I'm fairly conservative with my sexuality, rather plain honestly, but even with me these issues come up.
Have you not noticed the way people are misunderstanding your posts in this thread? That you keep having to clarify?? Quite often I agree with you on stuff, but tonight you are saying a lot of things that do not compute.
I've done a lot of stuff, but I've never been with anyone who identified as anything with a shorthand nickname. I don't even know why we're talking about this. The OP's situation is more of an emotional and etiquette question than a sexuality question anyway since they barely had sex.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
LOL potato, potahto
Have you not noticed the way people are misunderstanding your posts in this thread? That you keep having to clarify?? Quite often I agree with you on stuff, but tonight you are saying a lot of things that do not compute.
I do, but that is because this board is full of adult virgins, vanillas, people that eschew relationships with the opposite sex, people that are scared of sex, and those that think having a few dozen lovers as an adult makes someone a sl*t. Heck, most people on this board can't differentiate obviously different things like sexual incompatibility and bad sex. They erroneously think love, communication, and desire can overcome any sexual "issues" there are.
In other words, they're not real people with a variety of real life experiences in the real world.
I have been dating this guy for about 2 months and we finally slept together the other day. I had been wanting to for a while, but holding back because I wanted to make sure I was ready and that I trusted him. We've talked and texted a whole lot, especially in the beginning and even spent hours on the phone, but I'd noticed he started contacting me less in the past few weeks.
RIGHT HERE is probably where he lost interest
We had started talking a lot again last week and it just happened.
Right Here is probably where he was rethinking
It was enjoyable for both of us I thought, but in the morning he seemed awkward and distant. We did kiss goodbye, but he wouldn't look me in the eye for that long. We did have a problem with the condom and he got a little worried
Right Here is probably where he decided maybe it wasn't what he wanted
at one point so I thought it may have had someone to do with that. He said he'd talk to me later, but I didn't hear from him all day. I ended up deciding to get morning after pill just to ease his mind (and mine). He actually did text me, but it wasn't until 2am even though he was off most of the day. I texted him the following morning mentioning i took the pill, but he didn't respond. That made me kinda upset because it made me feel alone in it all. I texted him again around 2am (we do text late a lot) asking if something was wrong. He responded the next day in the afternoon saying i had not done anything wrong and saying he was sorry. I wrote back saying thanks for letting me know and saying that I wish he would have just said something sooner, but he didn't respond to my followup text for the rest of the day. It's been 3 days since then and I haven't heard from him. It's really stressing me out because he convinced me he was a good guy and would never hurt a woman and he understands women because he grew up close to his mother and sisters. He was very much into me in the beginning and wanting a real relationship that he said he hadn't had in so long. We're in our late 20s and he let me know how much he just really wants to find love with the right woman, though he mentioned he's picky.
Did he start to lose interest a few weeks back and then decided maybe he could still at least sleep with me? He's always been very sweet and in the beginning I even told my friends how attentive he was and would always text back and check up on me or say sorry if he took to long to contact me. Now we've slept together and its silence. I know he'll respond if I text him now, but should I just wait for him? I really don't believe he'll just ignore me that much longer, but it hurts and I almost want to text him just to let him know its over and he's a liar. Should I be friendly in my approach or what?
He probably changed his mind a few weeks ago (see bold response above), but maybe he was undecided. Maybe he was sorry because he felt badly for going all the way when he wasn't sure about his relationship with you.
The challenge/hunt is over. Deed done. Next prey in "gun" sights.
^^^^this^^^^
How do I know this? Because it is an age old story with new actors but the same plot and drama points. I was told of this when I was young, and then I saw it first-hand in middle and then high school... all the school "studs" did this. For better or worse, they learned to woo girls into bed with identical stories and methods refined with trial and error and a ton of practice. By the time these guys were upperclassman, few pretty girls they set their sights upon could/would resist them successfully as the stories and dating scripts these guys used were perfected. By the time these guys hit college most girls wouldn't even try resisting for more than a month or two at the longest. The sad but true thing is that the commonality of all the stories I knew of ended with sex, the guy losing interest, and the woman's confidence getting shattered or scarred when they realize they have just been duped.
Parents need to do a better job raising/preparing their daughters for adulthood as this is common and has been going on for generations (seriously, nothing new here). There's nothing wrong with being sexually active in my eyes, but if you are going to fool yourself/put yourself out there as if prey to someone else, you should be ready to get burned by this type of predictable con.
To the OP - as of this thread and whatever other conversations you've had with friends and or family, just end the drama about this man-child who obviously has psychological issues. It's done and over and he has moved on. You need to see what happened for what it really was, a con job, and just accept it.
That stated though, I wouldn't cement anything about it as negative in your mind or you will always feel taken advantage of and perhaps associate sex with something bad; instead look at the bright side, you had some great times, made some great memories, and learned some valuable lessons. Now move on, don't try to contact this guy again and live your life as its yours to live independent of this fool who didn't think to value you more than just for the challenge of getting into your pants. In fact, enough time has already passed by, that if this guy contacts you (probably just for a future booty call if at all - don't fool yourself a second time ok?!), just say no thanks and tell him he needs to really move on.
I do, but that is because this board is full of adult virgins, vanillas, people that eschew relationships with the opposite sex, people that are scared of sex, and those that think having a few dozen lovers as an adult makes someone a sl*t. Heck, most people on this board can't differentiate obviously different things like sexual incompatibility and bad sex. They erroneously think love, communication, and desire can overcome any sexual "issues" there are.
In other words, they're not real people with a variety of real life experiences in the real world.
Funny how this thread is all about you now Maybe we should get back on topic.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar
Funny how this thread is all about you now Maybe we should get back on topic.
Not by my choice. It would be nice to get on topic and people to give serious advice and perspectives and not tired old "oh, he was just trying to use you, i'm so sorry that happened to you" BS that doesn't represent the adult world; but actually try to get down to real reasons people don't go back after they had sex once.
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Probably
Maybe we should get back on topic.
