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No, it really can't be said of him. A name is part of a person's identity. The groom is not expected to give up his identity - the bride is. If he were suggesting hyphening their two last names - then you might have a point.
Yeah, it can be said of him. Her taking his name creates a new family. It's part of a NEW identity for him.
Look, I get that 9 out of 10 people here don't believe in and don't understand the tradition behind the bride taking the groom's name. But for people who DO believe in it, it's a part of the groom's identity also. The bride takes his family name and becomes part of his family. Like it or not, it's symbolic and traditional.
Well... It's up to you to discuss your feelings with her. It will be good practice for when you really are married.
My husband actually suggested that I keep my own name if I wanted to, and I did. Downside is that it confuses people. Sometimes they call him by my last name, which makes him laugh.
i did the same, offer my wife to keep her last name, didn't make a difference to me. she wanted my last name. after the divorce i suggest maybe changing it back to her maiden name, she wanted to keep it.
my advice OP? let her do what she wants, don't make a big deal out of it. so, yeah, makes it easy to spilt things in case it doesn't work out in a divorce. but then again, maybe you should be evaluating the long term potential with her anyway.
haha, would be cool if you were ballsy and said "no last name, no wedding", might as well start setting some boundaries. like if you truly were a traditionalist, saying not taking your last name is disrespectful to you and the famiy you want to build with "a wife", such as no confusion for the kids and third parties (are the kids going to take your or her last name?). meaning, she is keep her options open and that doesn't jibe with your religious views for a permanent "till death do us part" marriage. you can compromise and do the hyphenated last name, but if she is not game for that then ohh, boy, i would have an extended engagement with "no wedding date" selected yet.
good luck
p.s., the traditional rules no longer apply to marriage. google "marriage 2.0"
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 11-12-2014 at 07:31 PM..
Yeah, it can be said of him. Her taking his name creates a new family. It's part of a NEW identity for him.
Look, I get that 9 out of 10 people here don't believe in and don't understand the tradition behind the bride taking the groom's name. But for people who DO believe in it, it's a part of the groom's identity also. The bride takes his family name and becomes part of his family. Like it or not, it's symbolic and traditional.
Then they both should hyphenate their last names because he becomes part of her family as well.
So she can be Mrs. Jared C - whatever her last name is and he can be Mr. Jared whatever her last name is - C
That way they both create a new family and accept each others identity and families.
I'm not a believer in marriage, but I do like it more when people keep their own name sake. I'm not a fan of the double last name though, like Haha Clinton-Dix.
Then they both should hyphenate their last names because he becomes part of her family as well.
So she can be Mrs. Jared C - whatever her last name is and he can be Mr. Jared whatever her last name is - C
That way they both create a new family and accept each others identity and families.
Yeah. I don't see how you can say the husband loses his identity or reinvents the idea to take on a new one like the wife does. That's not really what happens. If she's fine with it, she loses her last name and joins the already established family name of the husband and now plays a role in continuing (his) last name. How is that the creation of a new identity from his perspective? Same old name...now with a wife and the future kids under it.
I think the tradition of taking the husband's name makes complete sense and I think most the people in this thread understand it. It's exciting and special to become part of a whole other family. But at the same time, if a wife-to-be has her reasons for wanting to hold onto her name, it's just silly for the husband to feel dejected. He's getting a wonderful new bride and a future with a new woman and new in-laws, whether she takes his name or not lol.
Another option is to accept that she wants to keep her last name, but perhaps agree that any children they have will have a hyphenated last name, or the last name of the father.
Yeah, it can be said of him. Her taking his name creates a new family. It's part of a NEW identity for him.
Look, I get that 9 out of 10 people here don't believe in and don't understand the tradition behind the bride taking the groom's name. But for people who DO believe in it, it's a part of the groom's identity also. The bride takes his family name and becomes part of his family. Like it or not, it's symbolic and traditional.
His name is staying the same. It's not part of a new identity for him. He's not expected to change his name. If it were simply about becoming a new family - they could use her last name, hyphenate their last names, or come up with an entirely new last name.
And I say all this as a woman who took her husband's name. I never cared for my last name and used my middle name as my last name professionally. I still use my middle name as my last name professionally. But I have lots of friends that kept their last names. A lot of them are of a different ethnicity than their husbands and it was important to them to keep their last name as a part of their cultural identity.
His name is staying the same. It's not part of a new identity for him. He's not expected to change his name. If it were simply about becoming a new family - they could use her last name, hyphenate their last names, or come up with an entirely new last name.
And I say all this as a woman who took her husband's name. I never cared for my last name and used my middle name as my last name professionally. I still use my middle name as my last name professionally. But I have lots of friends that kept their last names. A lot of them are of a different ethnicity than their husbands and it was important to them to keep their last name as a part of their cultural identity.
yeah, i've seen more of the aesthetic factor being more significant in last name selection cuz "it sounds better" and it's a new identity for them for the new married life and, perhaps beyond. imagine if husband had a funky last name where wife declined solely based on how it sounds....
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