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Thank you for all the advice i appreciate it. I kind of figured nothing will happen romantically, but i more so fear i have ruined the friendship.
Stop contacting him. Constant texting and asking him what's up will bug any guy. A guy who feels smothered will not even want to be your friend. Let him come to you.
Thank you for all the advice i appreciate it. I kind of figured nothing will happen romantically, but i more so fear i have ruined the friendship.
If the friendship is strong it will probably survive, if you can convince him that you're truly 100% fine with just being friends. The only way to do that is going to be to back off a little (or a lot) for now.
I posted on here last week, but the situation has changed somewhat. I have a guy friend, and we both said we found each other attractive. We got back in touch again recently after a few years. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more he said he couldn’t see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me. He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn’t want to be a **** and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on. So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me, and i sent him a message today and no reply. I really like this guy, and i want to meet to see if we have a spark there (we have never met, just talked for years), but i don’t get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day. Yesterday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was yesterday afternoon. Should i assume he wants nothing to do with me now? I said yesterday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don't want that? Why? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it. Another thing i don't understand is how you could have no romantic feelings for someone you have never met. How would you know that without meeting to get to know them?
"I don't see us ending up together but I'm sexually attracted to you" equals: "I'm already with a woman, but I want you as a fallback option...DEFINITELY for sex" or, "I don't want you" More like, all of the above.
Sorry. The more emotional energy you invest in this jack*ss the more moving on will hurt.
And THIS:
How is a man smothered via text message?
He looks at the phone when he so chooses, or if he so chooses.
He responds if and when he so chooses.
It's not a date where he's spending money, giving time and attention.
Don't let him play you cheap, and don't play yourself cheap. He says you're smothering him. Leave him alone, move on. He can't give you what you want. Remember this: Men hunt. If they want you, nothing will keep them away (for long) They certainly won't be making all these excuses and whining noises. AND: If they don't want you, they'll accept sex from you, but that will NEVER make them stay. Don't use your body for a bargaining chip. That is when women get seriously played. Have enough self-esteem and belief in yourself to screen out these losers. He is wasting your precious time, and playing games with your emotions.
Last edited by laorbust61; 11-20-2014 at 11:40 AM..
Thank you for all the advice i appreciate it. I kind of figured nothing will happen romantically, but i more so fear i have ruined the friendship.
There was no friendship. In the aspect of, "I like you, I respect you and I would hurt myself before I would hurt you." A lot of what you originally posted tells me that NONE of what I just stated was present between you.
If "friendship" is being defined as a chance to have hookup sex with him, no, you haven't "ruined" it. Just don't hope for anything else. You will get hurt. If you throw yourself at him, he won't pass up a chance to bed you and he'll probably try to make you believe there is a hope for love and commitment. (He will do this, because as far as hunting for sex is concerned, you were pretty easy to get)Plenty of men feel that even though they like a woman, and she is good enough to lazily communicate with and have sex with her, she not good enough for them in all aspects that would compel them to commit to her.
Why do you want to be friends with someone who evades your attempts to contact him and then tells you you're bothering him when you finally catch up to him?
If none of the above is making sense, maybe this will: You. Deserve. Someone. Who. Sincerely. Wants. You. Not just lusts for you.
Thank you all so much for the feedback. For the first year or so we talked just as friends daily. I didn't develop romantic feelings for him until later. We always said we would have to meet up and hang, but we never did. I was an idiot thinking that offering this would make him in some way want me, which is ridiculous because we all know that never happens.
I am ashamed of this because this is not me at all, and i feel cheap doing so. What i don't understand though is how he said he was all talk and didn't feel like actually going through with it, but he seriously didn't wanna stop talking to me when i told him i would disappear out of his life if he felt smothered and i came on too strong. I took this comment as the friendship meaning something to him, but after saying he was busy at work and would contact me later, and that was a few days ago.
I don't understand why he pretended to care about our friendship. I didn't think guys really cared about that, especially someone like himself who is clearly talking to more than one girl. I know this for a fact
Just forget about him, anymore thought, or effort to get him to say it outright, will only add in more sadness for you. In this case he has been more than upfront with you. The part about being sexually attracted to you, gave you false hope. However, what guy would be sexually attracted and not want to go for it, when you are obviously being more than forthcoming. Stop lying to yourself, you want more than what he wants from you.
Thank you all so much for the feedback. For the first year or so we talked just as friends daily. I didn't develop romantic feelings for him until later. We always said we would have to meet up and hang, but we never did. I was an idiot thinking that offering this would make him in some way want me, which is ridiculous because we all know that never happens.
I am ashamed of this because this is not me at all, and i feel cheap doing so. What i don't understand though is how he said he was all talk and didn't feel like actually going through with it, but he seriously didn't wanna stop talking to me when i told him i would disappear out of his life if he felt smothered and i came on too strong. I took this comment as the friendship meaning something to him, but after saying he was busy at work and would contact me later, and that was a few days ago.
I don't understand why he pretended to care about our friendship. I didn't think guys really cared about that, especially someone like himself who is clearly talking to more than one girl. I know this for a fact
I'm sure by now you understand the whole concept of "friends with benefits" concept is based on a lie. The "friends" deal is so the idea of having hookup sex is less threatening to your typical woman. The benefits part is for your man who is comfortable using subterfuge to get the sex he wants. In some "horny seventh-grader" way he considers it a coup that he could get you to go along with it. You and I both know that when a woman says she is strong, independent and free enough to go along with FWB, she is just bullshi**ng because she likes the image, but if she didn't already have feelings for the man, she wouldn't be trying to barter with him in this sad, slightly desperate manner. If he REALLY wanted you as a REAL friend, sex wouldn't have even been on the table. And if you put it on the table, he would have taken it off, because friendship is what he is honestly after.
When you get over feeling cheap, forgive yourself, learn your lesson like a woman and quit using your body and sexuality as a bargaining chip. You are just leaving yourself exposed to guys who will lie to you, manage down your expectations, leave you lonely and frustrated and at the end of everything be able to fakely proclaim that they were (technically) 'HONEST' with you about not having a desire to commit to you.
You're throwing yourself and your life away on men like this, and honey if you think you feel cheap now, keep on doing it and you will find the feeling of cheapness and foolishness will increase.
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