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So I met up with an old buddy this last weekend after reconnecting with him on FB. He recently went into business with a couple partners running a restaurant after years of working as a bartender. He invited me and another mutual friend to come down for a free dinner. The food was great and we had a great time catching up. After a few drinks we got to talking about more personal stuff, and he told us that despite being thrilled about finally having his dream job, he was in a really bad relationship with the same girl he was dating years ago the last time I saw him. He said that he had fallen out of love with her because she didn't treat him very well. Both myself and our mutual friend took turns telling him to get out of the relationship. He isn't married, has no kids with her, and basically no financial ties other than she pays the utility bills at his house. He said that it's been bad for a few years, but he can't bring himself to kick her out despite the fact that he doesn't love her anymore. It was when he told us that they hadn't slept together more than a few times in the last year that my jaw hit the floor, as this guy is in his mid 30's, and he's a good looking guy that could easily have another woman in his bed at the drop of a hat.
How does this happen? Has anyone been in or known someone in this situation, and what eventually was the outcome?
It is easier to stay with familiar than to move on and find someone new and it is not that complicated if both are content with the situation and choose not to change it.
Why can't he bring himself to kick her out? Is she jobless, and is getting free rent from him? If she can support herself, the only thing keeping him from telling her to leave is his own lack of nerve. He has issues with assertiveness.
Why can't he bring himself to kick her out? Is she jobless, and is getting free rent from him? If she can support herself, the only thing keeping him from telling her to leave is his own lack of nerve. He has issues with assertiveness.
I don't know what she does for a living, but she was in grad school when I met her years ago, so I can't picture her not being able to support herself. The thing that seem strange about him not cutting ties with her is the fact that he was a bit of a player back in the day, so I don't see him being a wimp about ending a relationship, but all signes point to him being a wimp about breaking up with her. I've never been in a relationship that was more than a few years, so maybe it's a lot different after you've been with someone that long.
I don't know what she does for a living, but she was in grad school when I met her years ago, so I can't picture her not being able to support herself. The thing that seem strange about him not cutting ties with her is the fact that he was a bit of a player back in the day, so I don't see him being a wimp about ending a relationship, but all signes point to him being a wimp about breaking up with her. I've never been in a relationship that was more than a few years, so maybe it's a lot different after you've been with someone that long.
Yeah, without any more info from his side, it looks like it's a case of wimping out over breaking up. But that's an awfully long time to tolerate a relationship that is unsatisfactory. He's wasting his life. I wonder what goes through his mind when he meets a woman who captures his interest. It's weird, he can't move on with his life because he has this stale relationship at home. Strange.
So I met up with an old buddy this last weekend after reconnecting with him on FB. He recently went into business with a couple partners running a restaurant after years of working as a bartender. He invited me and another mutual friend to come down for a free dinner. The food was great and we had a great time catching up. After a few drinks we got to talking about more personal stuff, and he told us that despite being thrilled about finally having his dream job, he was in a really bad relationship with the same girl he was dating years ago the last time I saw him. He said that he had fallen out of love with her because she didn't treat him very well. Both myself and our mutual friend took turns telling him to get out of the relationship. He isn't married, has no kids with her, and basically no financial ties other than she pays the utility bills at his house. He said that it's been bad for a few years, but he can't bring himself to kick her out despite the fact that he doesn't love her anymore. It was when he told us that they hadn't slept together more than a few times in the last year that my jaw hit the floor, as this guy is in his mid 30's, and he's a good looking guy that could easily have another woman in his bed at the drop of a hat.
How does this happen? Has anyone been in or known someone in this situation, and what eventually was the outcome?
He should focus on the bolded. Whatever she did to turn him off is just cause for eviction and breakup. Why would he want to have someone like that under his roof? It kinda sends a message that he's ok with being treated bad. He shouldn't be doing that. They both know the relationship isn't working, so why not say it out loud, admit it, and move on? He's not responsible for her, they're both adults. There shouldn't be any hangup.
He's not responsible for her, they're both adults. There shouldn't be any hangup.
You never know. She could be off her rocker and threatens to hurt herself or goes into a guilty rage where she blames her selfishness for being such a horrid human being every time he tries to break it off with her.
Either way, he needs to ask for some help from his friends and do something. It's depressing to read about when this happens.
You never know. She could be off her rocker and threatens to hurt herself or goes into a guilty rage where she blames her selfishness for being such a horrid human being every time he tries to break it off with her.
Either way, he needs to ask for some help from his friends and do something. It's depressing to read about when this happens.
That's why I said, "Without any more info from his side...". We don't know much about it. Seems like there could be more to the story. Though you'd think he'd have mentioned some kind of odd factor like that, if there were one, since he was in full confessional mode after a few drinks.
That's why I said, "Without any more info from his side...". We don't know much about it. Seems like there could be more to the story. Though you'd think he'd have mentioned some kind of odd factor like that, if there were one, since he was in full confessional mode after a few drinks.
Yup. Hopefully he's not dealing with that bad of a situation. If it's just two adults that need to break it off, he's just gotta sit down with her and confess that he doesn't see a future together. Then ask how long she needs to find a new place and work with her on a realistic time frame.
Edit: Maybe suggest that he try to transfer the utility bills onto his name as a courtesy. That'll be easier to do in advance in case she gets hysterical over the whole thing.
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