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I have been quite concerned about my dating situation because not only have I never been on a date, I have basically never had any type of meaningful relationship with a girl, except familial. In other words, I didn't even make friends with any of the girls I was interested in. That's how improficient I am. People complain about getting "friendzoned"; I can't even do that, so to speak. But let's not get into that due to the nature of the last couple threads last month.
Adults on various forums tell me that it's common to not have dated in high school. It's not. As per studies done in 2004, 96.2% of people date by high school graduation. 83.9% also experience being in a serious relationship. 75.1% have even had sexual intercourse. The average person asked was in their mid-twenties at the time.
Adults don't believe this when we say so, but now even statistics confirm. The vast majority DO experience these revelations by high school.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I think what a "date" is in high school is pretty all over the place. I didn't recall having what I considered a real "date" in high school, yet I had a girlfriend (though we didn't call each other that really) and we had sex. We were each other's first and stayed together for about a year and a half until midway through Freshman year.
"Dating" is a subjective term. Even on threads about dating in college and/or adulthood, it comes up time and time again, that some consider anything from hanging out, to hooking up, to having a person you were exclusive with, whether you went on dates or not,to having actual planned outings as "dating." It's just a vague term. When you look at data from studies on dating among adolescents, check and see how your particular study is defining "dating."
Few people in high school have "serious relationships," at least in the adult sense. And, why should they? Teenage years are, developmentally, a time where you start learning to make these sorts of attachments. They feel serious, but they're ultimately only going to be so serious, because there is still a lot of growing and changing to be done. Even my brother and his HS girlfriend, who married when they were midtwenties, and are now upper thirties with two children, was not in a "serious relationship" when they were 16 and 17. They were kids in a relationship, and that relationship grew up with them.
Having sex as a teen doesn't necessarily denote "serious relationship," or even dating.
While those results may have been true for that study, it was a relatively small sample size (less than 700 students,) and it would not surprise me that the students polled stretched the truth a bit in their responses. I have a hard time believing that of millions of high school students in this country 75% have had sex in high school. I know that in my own small band of friends, most of us had our "firsts" in college (some after college.)
I think what a "date" is in high school is pretty all over the place. I didn't recall having what I considered a real "date" in high school, yet I had a girlfriend (though we didn't call each other that really) and we had sex.
So it might be a terminology issue.
Yep.
I had boyfriends and went out on dates in high school (not often, most of the time it was just hanging out at one another's houses or somebody else's house...most "dates" were attached to things like formal dances). We didn't really even use the term boyfriend/girlfriend, nobody really did. People were "going out," or "going together," whether or not they ever actually, in fact, went out anywhere. And "going out" could be anything from holding hands on the fan bus to the basketball game to being somebody's date for Homecoming to screwing around backstage after the dress rehearsal of the fall play to always talking/flirting when you run into one another at your lockers.
While those results may have been true for that study, it was a relatively small sample size (less than 700 students.) I have a hard time believing that of millions of high school students in this country 75% have had sex in high school. I know that in my own small band of friends, most of us did our "firsts" in college.
I had sex in high school but the majority of my friends lost their virginity in college. Some lost it after college.
So your question/issue is what exactly? Most people will agree that a boy going through coed high school without having single female friend is extreme and far from common. I hope that makes you feel better.
Anecotal, but in my social circle, which was pretty middle of the road in all regards (i.e. neither partiers nor church youth group types, neither wild child nor conservative, etc.) there were a few who were having sex in high school, but way more who weren't until college (and later).
OP, your issue seems to be more an issue of social difficulties overall, and you're probably obsessing too much on the dating/relationships/sex end of things. But the latter just goes with being a teenager.
Now I'm actually quite glad I was only interested in video games in high school. OP, life is long and if you can't past this tiny hurdle at this young age, you're in for a long difficult ride ahead.
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