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I haven't really thought about how I'm going to structure this post so I'm just going to kind of blurt it all out and hope that it stays in some sort of order. I feel like I've ruined the only thing that has ever gone right for me in life. The one perfect thing I've been waiting for and I've totally ruined it myself.
I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. I truly love her to bits and I want to marry this girl. I want her to be the mother of my children. She's that good. And I know she feels the same way about me. Over the two years we've had some wonderful memories and done quite a bit of travelling together including several weekend trips away. We've had our fair share of arguments also, but who doesn't?
And then we come to October this year. She has to move away to another country for 7 month as part of her degree. We're both a bit emotional and I agree to come over for a couple of weeks while she settles in. We do everything as planned and say our goodbyes before the train leaves. We were both extremely upset and I'm not ashamed to say I shed a few tears. We skype regularly and things all seemed good.
She then returned home for a week and for the first half everything was as good as ever. I got to catch up with her family (saw them a couple of times while she wasn't here) and we were both really happy. But then one night we got into a really heated argument. She was on a night out with a friend and I agreed to let her stay in mine if she rang me while in the taxi home and I'd wake up and let her in. She rang at about 4am and said she was ringing a cab. Half an hour passes without me hearing a knock on the door so I ring her back to which she doesn't answer. Several minutes later I get through and she says they cannot get a taxi as they are fully booked. I ask who she with to which she says just her mate.
Being with her a lot I've learned to realise when she is unsure of something or in this case, hiding something. Another phone call later and my suspicions proved true as she confessed to being with two other lads that I am not found of (with good reason). One of them is her mates boyfriend and that is her reasoning for being with them. At the time I understood why but I was still a bit angry and told her I wasn't happy on the phone, to which she hung up. Again, several phone calls later I find out they still haven't got a taxi and are waiting in one of the lads flats in town to which I am completely furious at and tell her I'm driving into downtown to get her. She says it is pointless as the taxi would be there soon but by this time I'm already in my car racing down to get her.
I pick her up and the inevitable big argument happens. There are a lot of harsh insulting words that were throwing at each other as I started driving her home. We're talking really aggressive arguing here as if we were about to put the boxing gloves on and start a match. After a lengthy heated argument I then refuse to take her home stating I'm not your little taxi and purposely miss the turn that goes towards her house. The heated argument continued and she demanded I turned the car around or stopped so she could get out. I refused and that is when she opened the car door while we were doing 40-50mph.
Absolutely outraged I slammed on the car turned to her and started going off on on. I called her all sorts of things that I regret now. Slag, ****, ****, horrible horrible words that you should never say to your girl. It was at this point that she started throwing her arms at me, trying to slap and punch me. I took it for a few seconds and then it happened. I slapped her and hit her in the stomach. All in one kind of motion. I just snapped. When I think back about this part it is all just a bit of a blur. I just raised my hands and caught her with a slap on the face, and then gave her a hard push with my fist clinched into her stomach to push her back away from me. I wouldn't call it a punch, in fact far from a punch. I'm not saying that this means it okay because it doesn't. A girl could be really angry at you but she's never going to hurt you throwing her arms about. I can't defend what I did. It was just a heat of the moment thing and I snapped.
Immediately she started crying and I realised what I had done. I let her ring her dad and waited with her until he came to pick her up. I drove off and she flew back two days later. Within them two days we spoke a little bit. I cried down the phone to her, begged her, convinced her that I am so so sorry for what I had done. And if she doesn't want to see me ever again then I will respect that wish. But I made sure she knew how sorry I was and how completely unlike me it was. I think she understood what I said and we left it for a few weeks.
A couple of weeks pass and I get in touch with her. Again, I tell her how sorry I am. She says she misses me but I'd have to win her family around if I stood any chance with her again. I accepted it and I offered to fly out and see her for a weekend so we could talk things through and possibly start fixing things. She agrees on the condition we hide it from her family for now as they don't want her seeing me again. The weekend went really well. We enjoyed the newly put up christmas markets in her local town centre and we really got on. We talked a few times about things and again, I let her know how sorry I was. I got emotional at this point and she completely understood me and, I felt, started slowly accepting it. Not by forgiving me, as this would be a long-term recovery process, but it was a start.
I had now been back home for a couple of days and things seemed okay. We weren't going too fast as it was a sensitive and touchy thing that we needed to work on. And by we I mean mostly me, as I am the one completely at fault. I then check my phone this evening to see I have 7 missed calls of her. I ring her back in a panic and she tells me her family found out I came out for the weekend. She told me they're all upset that she hid me from them before telling me that she thinks this needs to be it, we need to end. I try to convince her not to end it like this. 3-4 hours ago we were happily skyping and telling each other about our day, and talking about what we can plan to do when she is home for christmas. And now she was breaking up with me because of her family's feelings.
I've told her before that I plan to fix it with her family. I don't know when or how I'm going to do it, but I owe it to them and I owe it to my girlfriend. That's where I need help. What do I say? How do I say it? I need to win her parents around if I have any chance of fixing things. I love this girl so much and I believe she loves me just as much. She went to sleep a couple of hours ago but I believe we will talk again tomorrow but the chances of us sorting things are looking dim. And it is even more frustrating when I think that it is her family that have persuaded her otherwise as she really believed me and SHE wanted us to keep going as well..
I know I may receive a lot of abuse/insults for posting this thread. But I feel I had to include all the details. I've suffered a lot both from my relationship and personally as a result of what I did. I've had sleepless nights and almost booked counselling lessons from it. I regret it completely if I could go back in time I so would. I love this girl so much and I used to get on with her family before all of this. I just feel like such an idiot... such a low-life scum.
Thank you for having the time and patience to read my thread and I am completely open to anything you have to say. I really do feel horrible, but feel free to call me what you want. I deserve it.
Wow, you have anger management and domestic abuse issues. Leave her and all woman alone until you can get yourself sorted out before you kill someone. There is nothing else to say.
Wow, you have anger management and domestic abuse issues. Leave her and all woman alone until you can get yourself sorted out before you kill someone. There is nothing else to say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12
.... Dude, you got issues. Fix 'em.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
Ummm....if you REALLY want to help your situation seek some anger management. Learn why you flip off the handle so easily.
Thanks for your replies and that is what I am going to do. I have told two friends about this and they both told me to make sure nothing like this happens again. They both said it was a heat of the moment thing but make sure it does not happen again.
I will ask them what they think about me going into anger management classes.
She did assault you first, which everyone here will ignore, but you should have just restrained her. Never hit a woman unless she's brandishing a weapon or is truly getting the better you if she assaults you.
You need to stop acting like she's an angel.
However if she can't respect your relationship when she's home for one week, keeping you up all night while you sit at home waiting for her as she hangs with people you aren't comfortable with, maybe you should rethink your relationship anyways.
I can see why you were angry, but you did go too far. However, she was verrrry disrespectful to you. I would wonder what was really going on at 4am at another guys flat and why she was so aggressive and defensive when you picked her up
Last edited by rationalmale18; 11-27-2014 at 01:26 PM..
You were in the wrong completely and 100% that night. Glad you're going to get counseling, but I'm afraid it's probably too late for this particular relationship ... there is a total lack of trust and honesty in that relationship and that does not make for a good future together, no matter how much you wish you had a future together.
I read your post to where you got into your car and picked her up and the fight was on. I suspect she finally realized that you would make a damn poor choice as a husband. What in the world makes you think you have the right to tell her who she can see and who she can't see? Do you seriously think you are God? You're not, you're just another jealous boyfriend who should be dumped because he is immature and needs to grow up. When you do in fact grown up you may come to realize no one is your slave, you have control over no one except your self. Get your head out of your back side and do something to get rid of the jealousy, it doesn't look good on anyone.
She did assault you first, which everyone here will ignore, but you should have just restrained her. Never hit a woman unless she's brandishing a weapon or is truly getting the better you if she assaults you.
You need to stop acting like she's an angel.
However if she can't respect your relationship when she's home for one week, keeping you up all night while you sit at home waiting for her as she hangs with people you aren't comfortable with, maybe you should rethink your relationship anyways.
I can see why you were angry, but you did go too far. However, she was verrrry disrespectful to you. I would wonder what was really going on at 4am at another guys flat and why she was so aggressive and defensive when you picked her up
I definitely did not ignore the fact that she assaulted first. I only highlighted that dude needs to seek help. The rest of your post bolded are a few of the many reasons why he needs to seek help so he can see how unhealthy this "perfect match" really is.
I definitely did not ignore the fact that she assaulted first. I only highlighted that dude needs to seek help. The rest of your post bolded are a few of the many reasons why he needs to seek help so he can see how unhealthy this "perfect match" really is.
I can agree with this.
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