Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
FYI for everyone who is following the thread, I decided to ignore him and he ended up messaging me to ask me out again. I guess he just needed space or something. I think I'm going to end it after the holidays, though.
Don't do that unless you really don't want. Guys do need space (and many women also).
I love when my GF comes over for a few days then goes home. We then can take a break for a few days before we see each other again.
I'm always curious when people say the sex was awkward. Did he not know where to put it? Did it end too early? Did he seem uncomfortable? Did OP not know what she was doing?
If the guy is generally bad at intimacy, it may not get better and OP may have saved herself some trouble. However, this guy may have been nervous since he was with a new person. Not to mention, it sounds like this was building up for nearly two months.
Ladies, believe it or not, there are a good number of guys who actually put a lot of thought into their first time with a new person. We're not all a bunch of primitive beings who couldn't care less about the outcome for our partner. Some guys really want to impress them in the sack, and it can result in performance anxiety issues (at least during the first time). If it doesn't improve over time, then there might be some deeper underlying issues.
Thanks for this, this made me feel a lot better. Before and during sex he was constantly asking what he could do for me and what turned me on and he's always said that its his priority that the person hes with is happy in the sack. So I'm hoping that it was mostly performance anxiety.
Basically it was awkward because I didn't feel comfortable, the room was very brightly lit, I didn't feel very sexy, there was not enough foreplay so I was a little dry, he was quite large and then he just went at it like a jackhammer when he got in. It hurt so he then stopped and I gave him oral and then we tried doggy where he lasted literally 30 seconds. It ended just as I was starting to enjoy it.
Hence my comments afterwards.
I also unfortunately had an ex who was absolutely incredible in bed and so the poor new guy had a hard act to follow.
Thanks for this, this made me feel a lot better. Before and during sex he was constantly asking what he could do for me and what turned me on and he's always said that its his priority that the person hes with is happy in the sack. So I'm hoping that it was mostly performance anxiety.
Basically it was awkward because I didn't feel comfortable, the room was very brightly lit, I didn't feel very sexy, there was not enough foreplay so I was a little dry, he was quite large and then he just went at it like a jackhammer when he got in. It hurt so he then stopped and I gave him oral and then we tried doggy where he lasted literally 30 seconds. It ended just as I was starting to enjoy it.
Hence my comments afterwards.
I also unfortunately had an ex who was absolutely incredible in bed and so the poor new guy had a hard act to follow.
Coach him then. He was making an effort. He was asking, so tell him.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew
Thanks for this, this made me feel a lot better. Before and during sex he was constantly asking what he could do for me and what turned me on and he's always said that its his priority that the person hes with is happy in the sack. So I'm hoping that it was mostly performance anxiety.
Basically it was awkward because I didn't feel comfortable, the room was very brightly lit, I didn't feel very sexy, there was not enough foreplay so I was a little dry, he was quite large and then he just went at it like a jackhammer when he got in. It hurt so he then stopped and I gave him oral and then we tried doggy where he lasted literally 30 seconds. It ended just as I was starting to enjoy it.
Hence my comments afterwards.
I also unfortunately had an ex who was absolutely incredible in bed and so the poor new guy had a hard act to follow.
Just sounds like he doesn't know what he's doing. It perhaps could be inexperience. This will be a project if you want to deal with it at all.
Just sounds like he doesn't know what he's doing. It perhaps could be inexperience. This will be a project if you want to deal with it at all.
I agree, but the whole "teaching him what you like" never worked for me when it came to inexperienced guys. I think it's a myth. Seems like guys who wait too long to have their first sexual experience never really pick up the nuances of how to make it really intimate/unique/hot. They remain self-conscious and robotic, and get worse if you try to coach them.
Thanks for this, this made me feel a lot better. Before and during sex he was constantly asking what he could do for me and what turned me on and he's always said that its his priority that the person hes with is happy in the sack. So I'm hoping that it was mostly performance anxiety.
Basically it was awkward because I didn't feel comfortable, the room was very brightly lit, I didn't feel very sexy, there was not enough foreplay so I was a little dry, he was quite large and then he just went at it like a jackhammer when he got in. It hurt so he then stopped and I gave him oral and then we tried doggy where he lasted literally 30 seconds. It ended just as I was starting to enjoy it.
Hence my comments afterwards.
I also unfortunately had an ex who was absolutely incredible in bed and so the poor new guy had a hard act to follow.
He couldn't go again? In these situations I wait about 25 minutes and go again. The 2nd time it's always easier to last longer.
It's not always easy to avoid climaxing pretty quick with a new girl, although from the way you've described it he just doesn't sound very good at sex.
It sounds like he didn't like the sex very much either. Some people just don't have sexual chemistry even if they get along, so it may just not be in the cards for you two.
If someone told me something like the OP did, it would not damage my self esteem at my age (I've had enough positive reinforcement to not be damaged by a bad experience), but I would be thinking "it's not going to work out with this girl."
Last edited by redguard57; 12-17-2014 at 12:36 PM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I agree, but the whole "teaching him what you like" never worked for me when it came to inexperienced guys. I think it's a myth. Seems like guys who wait too long to have their first sexual experience never really pick up the nuances of how to make it really intimate/unique/hot. They remain self-conscious and robotic, and get worse if you try to coach them.
It is, for the most part. A sensual guy won't need to be taught. He will need to learn. He does this by reading your body. Same for women really.
I'm not sure if waiting has much to do with it. Never really gave that thought and I don't know if I dated people that waited really late (past 21 say).
Any person that would break it off with another person because the sex wasn't very good the first time has very poor values.
Sexually pleasing one's partner can be learned. Good character cannot be.
It has nothing to do with values, it has to do with a willingness to work through the awkwardness. OP didn't exactly say what the problem was, but for her to actually mention it, I am certain that it was very very bad. I've said it before, some guys can throw a football 50 yards, some can't toss a spiral, some guys can hit a slider, while others, can't hit a t ball, others will shoot the bottom of the net from 25 feet, and another, can't even hit the backboard....some guys are not teachable, they are just not able to learn anything, or understand the whole concept, and apply it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew
Raena77, why so catty?
FYI for everyone who is following the thread, I decided to ignore him and he ended up messaging me to ask me out again. I guess he just needed space or something. I think I'm going to end it after the holidays, though.
If he is better in bed, and buys you a new iPhone 6 for Christmas, you may wait until spring?
No, they don't. Sex isn't supposed to be an act of charity.
Certain things can be taught, but many things cannot. And that has nothing at all to do with character.
Again, a person that values sex over character has poor character themselves. This is not rocket science.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No, they don't. Sex isn't supposed to be an act of charity.
