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It's terribly unfair of her to flip the script on you without giving you any real reason, and leave you hanging indefinitely. I think you're doing the right thing, although you wouldn't be out of line if you pressed her for an actual explanation.
Sorry you're in this place, OP. Sounds like a lot of sincere effort and emotion, not to mention time, went into this relationship.
I don't think she's being malicious either, and I understand that makes it more difficult for you to know what to do. The fact that her reasons are vague, probably gives you a sense of it's not over. You stated she asked why you are single, I'd be curious to know why she was.
That said, you deserve someone who is firm in their commitment to you and doesn't have these kind of issues of not knowing what they want. Really, this kind of behavior is hard to reckon with. You seem capable, and up for, a full commitment, and even seem excited about it. I'd suggest taking these qualities of self awareness elsewhere, finding someone who's excited and confident about taking things to the next level with you.
She was married in her early 20's, ended up divorcing after being cheated on multiple times. As far as her last long term relationship, again she was cheated on multiple times which was 4 years ago. In that time she decided she would just be by herself which led to her becoming very independent. When we first started hanging out she told me we clicked which is why we ended up together. She would always text me these pictures saying how the best kinds of relationships begin unexpectedly and so on. I'm just wondering if she was worried I'd do the same to her, which I assured her would never happen from day 1.
She was married in her early 20's, ended up divorcing after being cheated on multiple times. As far as her last long term relationship, again she was cheated on multiple times which was 4 years ago. In that time she decided she would just be by herself which led to her becoming very independent. When we first started hanging out she told me we clicked which is why we ended up together. She would always text me these pictures saying how the best kinds of relationships begin unexpectedly and so on. I'm just wondering if she was worried I'd do the same to her, which I assured her would never happen from day 1.
I wonder if she's just freaking out based on her bad past experiences. She may really love you, but people don't always act in ways that make sense.
She may not have any malicious intent towards you and be genuinely mixed up, but in this situation you have to look out for YOU and given the information at hand, you have to accept it's over and move on. The worst most hellish place to be in situations like these is in limbo where you're not sure if it's over or not.
I wonder if she's just freaking out based on her bad past experiences. She may really love you, but people don't always act in ways that make sense.
She may not have any malicious intent towards you and be genuinely mixed up, but in this situation you have to look out for YOU and given the information at hand, you have to accept it's over and move on. The worst most hellish place to be in situations like these is in limbo where you're not sure if it's over or not.
I almost wish her friend at work didn't tell me they talk about me and the things she's said. I was doing pretty good with the situation until I heard that. With that said I still refuse to initiate contact with her to get to the bottom of things. There's a small part of me that wishes I could hate her, but that won't happen no matter what. I was reading elsewhere that I should write down a list of things that made the relationship negative. Unfortunately the only thing I could come up with was the day she told me she needed to get herself right. Everything about us was so good. We never had one fight, EVER. In fact, on numerous occasions, we would ask each other what is it going to take for us to have a fight.
This sounds so strangely like one of my last long term relationships, it's uncanny.
If it was me, I would press her for an explanation. Be prepared for any answer she gives you, and then be prepared to make a decision based on that info.
Be prepared for anything from the pregnant / abortion angle (which is what I thought too), to she cheated on you, which sounds unlikely if you were more or less living together.
I can tell you that was what happened to me, and it f'ed me up for quite a while based on what we had gone through
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Originally Posted by WFC2015
I almost wish her friend at work didn't tell me they talk about me and the things she's said. I was doing pretty good with the situation until I heard that. With that said I still refuse to initiate contact with her to get to the bottom of things.
I think that's a bad idea. Leaving things in limbo is unfair to you. She should be able to appreciate that and accept the fact that you are initiating the contact. You AVOIDING her is sending her mixed signals about your interest...
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There's a small part of me that wishes I could hate her, but that won't happen no matter what.
You can't hate her yet because you dont know what happened. If she cheated on you, you have every right to hate her. If she got knocked up and had an abortion, that's your call... Personally that would not be a deal breaker, but I would be upset that she did not involve me in the decision.
It's quite possible she just fell out of love with you too... and wanted to make a split before you moved in... it happens.
Quote:
I was reading elsewhere that I should write down a list of things that made the relationship negative. Unfortunately the only thing I could come up with was the day she told me she needed to get herself right. Everything about us was so good. We never had one fight, EVER. In fact, on numerous occasions, we would ask each other what is it going to take for us to have a fight.
No, you need to press her for info, period. She OWES you that. If she wont, you need to make a clean split, and tell her that's why
The last time we spoke, I explained to her why I've been avoiding her at work and she said she understood, and that it was probably best to keep personal business out of the work place. I did tell her friend that I will not ignore her if she wants to contact me and she should contact me if that's how she really feels. Ironically I saw her friend today in the hallway and she told me that my ex knows how I feel about her so I'm not worried about her having mixed signals about that. Her friend also told her that we spoke. For the record her friend approached me about this, I did not go looking for answers from an outside source.
As far as the whole pregnant/abortion thing I'm positive that wasn't the case, and as far as cheating on me I'm certain that wasn't the case either. There is one thing that stands out to me, her best friend, whose house we went to in early September to help with some home improvement, told me that she's never seen my ex happier. In fact she told me that my ex told her she would never get into another relationship again after her marriage and last long term relationship ended. I'm thinking the whole moving in thing really did freak her out and she realized that maybe she is better off alone. She did become extremely independent. I had to practically beg her for almost 3 months to let me take the garbage out, she would always say that she's been doing this for 4 years on her own.
Who really knows though. I guess if she decides to contact me then it was meant to be. Even though I'm having a hard time with this I have to stick to my guns in this case at the moment. I'd hate to push her away for good by pressuring her for answers. Judging from what her friend at work told me I think she's vulnerable right now and I think pushing her away for good is possible at this point.
Ironically I saw her friend today in the hallway and she told me that my ex knows how I feel about her so I'm not worried about her having mixed signals about that. Her friend also told her that we spoke. For the record her friend approached me about this, I did not go looking for answers from an outside source.
It would be easier to move on if this friend would stop reporting to you.
The only reason her friend said anything to me was she could tell my ex was upset and thought maybe I would reach out to her. After I told her why I couldn't do that she agreed and understands these "reports" are filling me with false hopes. I told her friend that I still do love her and miss her a lot. Even though this is 100% true I'm kind of regretting telling her friend that.
The only reason her friend said anything to me was she could tell my ex was upset and thought maybe I would reach out to her. After I told her why I couldn't do that she agreed and understands these "reports" are filling me with false hopes. I told her friend that I still do love her and miss her a lot. Even though this is 100% true I'm kind of regretting telling her friend that.
Sure, especially since you KNOW the friend will certainly tell her.
Then she'll come back with something to tell YOU next time. It's like picking a scab open.
Try to avoid this person.
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