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The one gift that an ex gave me was following my passions.. As a child, I was deep into my artwork. My mother would always throw away my art supplies, drawings, anything creative I had, she threw it away.
Through dating him, I learned that the path in life has many different avenues that lead to different sources of happiness.
I'm glad I was able to rediscover art in my life. At the stage when I met him, I wanted to go the medical route, which I was intrigued in.. but when I attended art school with him.. I was happy in the most intrinsic way. I felt a healing process inside. And, when we broke up, I've since picked up a paintbrush or coloring tool. But the lesson I learned was art is courage, art is freedom, and art is an integral part of who I am and allows me to be me. My take away from our experience is knowing how true happiness feels like. Most of all, I am in the process of creating again.. Life's too short, and art is inspiration.
I helped an ex stockpile and create an art studio in her apartment. I encouraged her to get back into it, because it was plainly obvious that it brought her so much joy. I am not artistic in nature, however, I have an artistic mind, with ideas, but the connection to my fingers/hands doesn't translate well to any media....lol...trust me she tried to help, and I failed..lol
I gained so much from seeing someone achieve her ultimate happiness. To help her start her career with something she really loved doing. There is no greater joy then to watch the evolution of someone's happiness. You really are fortunate to have had that "brush" with your ex, who helped guide you towards such happiness....
Thanks to everyone who replied, kind of lost track of this thread during the holidays.....I saw so many great responses, many very similar to my own. I think that every experience can help a person better align themselves for a happier future. My hope is that those who continue to find themselves in the same types of relationships, that seem to be dysfunctional, eventually realize what it takes to break that cycle. I know for myself, that when I realized I couldn't fix anyone, that the only person I could change was myself. Once I finally came to that conclusion, I was able to break my cycle.
One thing that I learned, is that the best partners I have ever had, all shared one quality....we always had a great time together, didn't matter if it was Sunday morning getting coffee and a danish at a farmer's market, or a three day weekend in SLO. It had everything to do with being together, and enjoying each other's company. If she would get attention while out, I would smile and bask in her glory, and she would look back and give me that wink, appreciating the fact I never got funny about it.
Sharing the ability to sit in a room together, enjoying music, and a great book, and never speaking...it's weird and appreciated.
.....which you used to better position yourself for your next one?
I learned a long time ago, that timing is everything. That unfortunately, even someone who you think is perfect, isn't necessarily in a place to be in anything serious. I learned to let go, and not take anything personally. This allowed me to accept when things didn't work out, which in the long run allowed me to be at peace whenever I broke up/or got dumped. I chose not to ever dwell on the what if's and try to take anything I learned from the previous, to help me build a better future relationship.
I learned that everything in my life had a direct affect on my relationship. So when I began caring about the way I ate, made it a point to stay active, no matter how tired, quit partying, and my business became successful, that my relationships seemed to be happier.
So what did you learn over the years about the dating world, and lets keep this positive, because I don't want a thread of mine littered with crying, whining, and bitterness.
When I was 22, I learned to always listen to a man when he's explaining to you that he doesn't want a relationship with you. And believe him. Never give him a chance to have to repeat it.
I learned that sex does not attach a man to you, nor give him any sort of emotional drift towards you.
I learned that no one can change a man but himself, through his own will and means.
I learned that I really enjoy straddling a man and seeing him become weak.
I learned that you cannot make a man love you.
I learned that men who don't give me time and attention aren't my type.
I learned that men and women who are "close friends" cannot remain merely "close friends".
When I was 28, I learned that I'm very jealous, but also learned that if a guy's actions says he's only into you, then trust him and never act on the jealousy. Only he can lose if you're wrong.
I learned that men who disappear simply aren't into you.
I learned that always initiating contact means the other party isn't interested in you, but will nonetheless enjoy the attention.
I learned that I like it when men become jealous.
When I turned 30, I learned that you shouldn't change your physical appearance to get a man's approval, especially when you like the way you look. Find someone who likes you how you already are.
Just a few days ago, I learned that good men are responsible for themselves. They don't want you to give up things you enjoy just to support them and their goals; they are responsible for their own actions and will adjust their habits without having to depend on you adjusting yours. (A friend of mine has a goal to lose 100 pounds, so to support him in changing his eating habits, I offered to also change my eating habits with him to make it easier; he said "I appreciate the support. I hope you know you don't have to deprive yourself on my sake, though. First, my own eating is my own responsibility. Second, you could lie and I won't know when I'm not around." S--t, I was silenced, and impressed with his incredible manhood and strength. If I'm lucky, and pray that I am, this will be the man I will marry. NO ONE ELSE. Bwahahaha!)
When I was 22, I learned to always listen to a man when he's explaining to you that he doesn't want a relationship with you. And believe him. Never give him a chance to have to repeat it.
I learned that sex does not attach a man to you, nor give him any sort of emotional drift towards you.
I learned that no one can change a man but himself, through his own will and means.
I learned that I really enjoy straddling a man and seeing him become weak.
I learned that you cannot make a man love you.
I learned that men who don't give me time and attention aren't my type.
I learned that men and women who are "close friends" cannot remain merely "close friends".
When I was 28, I learned that I'm very jealous, but also learned that if a guy's actions says he's only into you, then trust him and never act on the jealousy. Only he can lose if you're wrong.
I learned that men who disappear simply aren't into you.
I learned that always initiating contact means the other party isn't interested in you, but will nonetheless enjoy the attention.
I learned that I like it when men become jealous.
When I turned 30, I learned that you shouldn't change your physical appearance to get a man's approval, especially when you like the way you look. Find someone who likes you how you already are.
Just a few days ago, I learned that good men are responsible for themselves. They don't want you to give up things you enjoy just to support them and their goals; they are responsible for their own actions and will adjust their habits without having to depend on you adjusting yours. (A friend of mine has a goal to lose 100 pounds, so to support him in changing his eating habits, I offered to also change my eating habits with him to make it easier; he said "I appreciate the support. I hope you know you don't have to deprive yourself on my sake, though. First, my own eating is my own responsibility. Second, you could lie and I won't know when I'm not around." S--t, I was silenced, and impressed with his incredible manhood and strength. If I'm lucky, and pray that I am, this will be the man I will marry. NO ONE ELSE. Bwahahaha!)
That's great to have gotten that much insight over that time. It's continually evolving, as your own tastes change...lol....not to into being seen in my state of "weakness"...I'm more of the "grabbing a fistful of hair, and pulling back against me type"....
Know what your own truth is and who you are and honor it.
Pay attention from the first date, who this person is showing you who they are. What are they bringing to the table ? Do they have alot of emotional baggage ? Do they have alot of issues they haven't worked through ? Do they have good morals and values ?
Are both people going in the same direction ? I dated someone for years when I was young and he always thought we were going to get married - I was so young I never thought we were nor was I marriage minded as a teenager. He was surprised when I gave him back his ring. Communication ! Be clear and talk about things that you want in the other person, don't assume ! The other person isn't a mind reader.
Pay attention to what your family thinks of this person you're involved with. They see things many times that you may not. Listen to what they think of this person.
Know when turning points come in a relationship either moving in together or getting married or breaking up and going your seperate ways.
Is the person you're involved with overly attached to Mother/Father Pay attention to this if there are not healthy boundaries here. Especially ladies if the guy is joint at the hip with the mother and can't break free - run
Most importantly trust your instincts - there are always signs along the way, to tell you to proceed or get out of the relationship. Listen.
Is the person you're involved with overly attached to Mother/Father Pay attention to this if there are not healthy boundaries here. Especially ladies if the guy is joint at the hip with the mother and can't break free - run
.
My ex was like this with his mother. I couldn't handle their "loving" relationship with each other. Maybe it had to do with me not being affectionately close to my dad so saw it as weird how close they were. I had seen him give his mom a quick kiss on the lips. No joke!
One thing I've learned is believe your friends what they say about him. Love is blind. They're not doing it to be jealous or mean.
One thing I've learned is believe your friends what they say about him. Love is blind. They're not doing it to be jealous or mean.
The first time my best friend brought his fiancee to a party I hosted, not only did I, but all my friends said she was a stuck up ****.....I told my friend this, and he knows how intuitive I am. I tried to explain the reasons why I didn't think he should marry her. I did it in a very respectful way, telling him that I had to do it because we are friends. He told me after they got divorced, that next time he promises to listen....lol
another good one would be the apple doesn't fall from the tree. I try not to judge someone based on their parents and family's criminal history. If one of their parents and sibling is incarcenated, the odds are he will eventually be part of the statistic. Not saying it will happen to everyone. The odds will be high. My ex had used alcohol and drugs to cope with his family life until his lifestyle caught up with him
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