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Hello I have been married for 8 years now with two boys. My wife and I are going thru a questionable stage concerning our future. I have looked at porn when wanting to masturbate for years. I always thought it was normal and helped get it over with quicker. After my wife and I got married her views on porn and me using it have changed over the years. It started as please don't and then went to ill watch with you, later became I don't want to know about it and then no more I should be enough for you. During the beginning of the last stage she would take our oldest son to her girlfriends house. She had a little boy the around the same age and they would have a mom us and sons sleep over. Kids play moms drink wine and talk and laugh after kids pass out. Sometimes she would feel bad that she wasn't there I guess and say I could look at porn while she was gone just erase the history so she wouldn't see it. Out of site out of mind I guess. Also I need to mention that early on in our marriage when visuall porn was not avalible I had on accasion called phone sex chat lines to assist in my self gradification. While only listing to the recorded msg left by women to attract me but not engaging or recording myself or paying for the service. My wife once she discoverd this was furious and confused. Also there was no way to prove I had never engaged with these women so why wouldn't she think the worst. She eventually forgave me and I promised not to call again. So back to my story. Around this time we started having issues with her wanting to go out and party drinking to the point of blacking out at times and and the acasional use of other things. She could not understanding why I was upset. Accusing me of try to controle her while I tried to explain that her want to see friends is one thing. Her partying like she was single all the time and endangering herself was another. During this time my insicurities made me think the worst and I began calling the numbers again. Then she found out she was pregnant with our second son and that she had hurt her back somehow in the past and a disk had slipped. She went thru a painful pregnancy and after the birth of our second son she found out I had called the numbers. We all know the self image of a woman who just had a baby doesn't need a blow like that. Needless to say she was close to leaving me. I told her of why I broke my promise and promised to seek help for possible porn addiction. Due to her back problem and a move or whatever escuse I like to tell myself to justify it I didn't seek help and life went on. I never call the sex line again but after my wife bought me a laptop a year later and three years after I stop watching porn guess what? Yup old dirty Yanker came back. I was sleeping in our guest room because my 2nd son was use to sleeping with mommy plus her back made it difficult for all of us to comfortably sleep. We had also started having intimacy problems and sex as well as alone time was very sparse. When we were together it was great but if I asked or try to hint at it she begin to get upset and accuse me of pressuring her. This has been the case for the last four years. During the last two my porn watching has continued. I've never chosen porn over my wife and my watching has always been random spurts usually when My wife and I have had sex in a long while. Though during the last two year I have started looking at webcams. And on more than one accasion bought visa gift cards and purched time so that I could do private chats with the women. Not buying a lot of time I would open the chat as I was climaxing the cut the feed and feel guilty for what I'd done. Still I did this probable 5 times. I also viewed sex dating sites sometimes feeling that my wife may be cheating on me and I would find her on one. But mainly I would browes to get arousded. My wife and I still randomly had sex and I would hope that we were starting to work things out but always the pressure of two kids, her back pain and life in general we continued having sex once a month or less. So eventully I would go back to porn. The last time I watched a cam was July of 2014 my wife found the gift card I didn't throw away and kicked me out the day after thanksgiving. Since then I have been going to counseling for sex addiction and haven't looked at porn since earlie November. My wife being very angry has had my HD scanned convinced I was meeting women for sex out side our marriage. Also she went thru our bag of diffrent toys and things we used time to time and think I have been using them on myself at the request of sex cam models. She also went thru all my iTunes apps and seeing various webcam apps which I unsucesfully tried get to work for our random fun time and recording bands thinks I have been cheating with mutiple women using these apps. She also has closed our joint account because she thinks that most of my gas purchases were gift card purches. While I have excepted that I have a problem and am working to solve it I can not admit to things I have not done. My wife still is angered at the site of me I am not alone to stay at our home and the furture of our marriage is at stake. Should she leave me? Is the man she thought she married a lie? Has the last 8 years been wasted? I love my wife more than anything and take full responsibility for the horrible things I have done and pray everyday that I can be free of whatever makes me do what I did.
First, that was very difficult to read. Paragraphs and spell check are your friends here.
Second, I don't see anything wrong with what you've done. I DO see something wrong with her going out and partying. I suggest getting a paternity test to make sure your second child is actually yours.
You could either try marriage counseling BS (and, basically, as the man, be blamed for everything) or you could just get a divorce. Your choice.
If you've owned up to the issues you have causing grief in the marriage; if you've stopped those actions; if you are actively seeking individual counseling to prevent these sort of things happening in the future - that's all a start.
As it sounds as you have taken steps, the ball is in her court. It's up to her to decide if what you have done is repairable for her or not. Should she leave you? Not necessarily, but by many counts you have cheated on her. She is hurt, you seem ashamed, the marriage is in trouble. And you don't really know what she's done during all of this.
Have you considered marriage counseling? You will get people saying it's great and others not so much - I feel you'll never know until you try.
Sorry for the length and grammar. Marriage counseling is a possibility once I get the help I need. Problem is because I haven't owned up the the things she thinks I've done, she thinks I'm in denial and not getting help.
Sorry for the length and grammar. Marriage counseling is a possibility once I get the help I need. Problem is because I haven't owned up the the things she thinks I've done, she thinks I'm in denial and not getting help. And the child is mine cristo666. I do not beleave she cheated on me and the child is the spitting image of me.
First, that was very difficult to read. Paragraphs and spell check are your friends here.
Second, I don't see anything wrong with what you've done. I DO see something wrong with her going out and partying. I suggest getting a paternity test to make sure your second child is actually yours.
You could either try marriage counseling BS (and, basically, as the man, be blamed for everything) or you could just get a divorce. Your choice.
You see nothing wrong with him lying and sneaking around behind her back, squirreling money and such to buy visa gift cards to watch porn after he promised he wouldn't?
Stop freakin' lying to her OP, and own your situation. Honestly, it sounds like you are not willing to put any effort into the marriage. If she doesn't have sex, you simply run to porn. She doesn't want to have sex with you for a reason...figure out what that is if you want to fix your marriage. Right now you are using this reason to justify your porn watching habits.
Sexual Addiction is VERY REAL! Its not just about "sex". It can include porn, etc. PLEASE OP, look to see if somewhere around you offers classes for it. I know our local churches do.
You AND your wife need counseling, you both need to heal from this.
YOU need a website and phone filter that you cant get around and I can recommend a FREE good one, K9 Web Protection.
YOU need a mentor, someone who is on the other side of this, who can help you if you slip or are tempted.
YOU need to realize you have hurt your wife in more ways than one and it will take a lot for her to trust you. Not even just " i wont look at porn i promise" but relying on you, believing you, trusting your word.
Your wife SHOULD leave you if you arent hitting your rock bottom and ready to change, there is NO point in you trying if you arent serious about getting help and staying clean.
FINALLY----- for the love of pete, do NOT blame your wife. This is YOUR problem. She could not have dressed sexier, cleaned better, paid attention more, etc. She did NOT cause YOUR issue!
Ok I know I rambled on, my grammer is terrible and its a hard read. But please read the whole thing before you post. I am presently seeking treatment for sex addiction and am not blaming my wife or trying to make excuses for what I have done. I was simply trying to give as much information as possible to show how screwed up I am. My wife has kicked me out of our home. She didn't nothing wrong. She is hurt and angry and rightfully so. I'm asking if she's correct to think our life together was a lie? Because of my addiction am I not the man she thought she married? Should she leave have I no right to ask for her forgiveness? Is a mans mistakes more absolute than a woman's ?
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