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Ok, I met a good guy via OLD couple of months ago, he's smart, attractive, thoughtful, likes the same things as me...But he never really asks me questions. He says I tell him what he wants to know (because I volunteer the info.) Since we met online, the majority of our 'dating' has been texting/email. He lives 2 hrs away, we've gone out a few times and have slept together twice. He's very attentive and caring in that area. Anyway, he has kind of an 'Engineer personality' - I'm sorry of that offends anyone. He likes to understand things and solve problems, but witty banter isn't his communication style. I ask him questions and he gives detailed long answers; admittedly, he has an interesting background. Anyway, he wants to understand women (me) so he's reading some 'Love Languages' - type book (not the 5 love languages), so I give him credit for trying. Anyway, I don't really want to stop seeing him, but how do I deal with his (lack of) conversation style? I'm sure I'd rather have a good guy than a 'Salesman BS'er' - again sorry if I offend anyone out there. Thanks for your thoughts.
Sounds like a few guys that I have just not sent packing yet. But no way would I have slept with them at that stage of the relationship.
Ok, I met a good guy via OLD couple of months ago, he's smart, attractive, thoughtful, likes the same things as me...But he never really asks me questions. He says I tell him what he wants to know (because I volunteer the info.) Since we met online, the majority of our 'dating' has been texting/email. He lives 2 hrs away, we've gone out a few times and have slept together twice. He's very attentive and caring in that area. Anyway, he has kind of an 'Engineer personality' - I'm sorry of that offends anyone. He likes to understand things and solve problems, but witty banter isn't his communication style. I ask him questions and he gives detailed long answers; admittedly, he has an interesting background. Anyway, he wants to understand women (me) so he's reading some 'Love Languages' - type book (not the 5 love languages), so I give him credit for trying. Anyway, I don't really want to stop seeing him, but how do I deal with his (lack of) conversation style? I'm sure I'd rather have a good guy than a 'Salesman BS'er' - again sorry if I offend anyone out there. Thanks for your thoughts.
Don't date the engineers.....date the guy who gets his hands dirty.
OP, I'm saying this the best way I can but have you considered that maybe it's you?
In other words, the fact that he says you tell him everything so he doesn't need to ask you anything tells me that maybe you talk too much.
Let him initiate conversations sometimes even if you have to sit in silence. A little silence is OK sometime.
I think you should spend at least a little more time together in person (and not in bed) to get a better feel for him, but I have a feeling that you two may be incompatible. There isn't much wrong with his communication style...perhaps his style just isn't for you. It's nice that he's trying to learn about women by reading relevant books...but if witty banter doesn't come to him naturally, I think he'll have a tough time gaining that ability no matter how hard he tries. It's innate to an extent. He may be one of those very literal, deep-thinking types that rarely gets outside his own head and has difficulty being spontaneous.
The bigger concern isn't his conversational ability, it's him not asking you questions about yourself. That usually indicates a lack of interest in you as a person. People who are truly into you will ask you questions no matter what their communication style is. It is natural to want to learn more about others who intrigue us.
Prettygreeneyes raises a good possibility too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I've known a number of engineers (male and female), and none were as described. I don't buy that this is the predominant type in that profession.
I think that type of personality was more common 10-20 years ago among engineers and people in IT. It is probably less common today because more and more employers are requiring engineers to have good communication and "soft" skills. Also, "engineer" is a very broad term that encompasses many different industries.
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I think that type of personality was more common 10-20 years ago among engineers and people in IT. It is probably less common today because more and more employers are requiring engineers to have good communication and "soft" skills. Also, "engineer" is a very broad term that encompasses many different industries.
True. Maybe it's more true of IT engineers. I grew up with civil engineers, and have a friend who's an alternative energy systems engineer. Definitely very different from IT.
I think you should spend at least a little more time together in person (and not in bed) to get a better feel for him, but I have a feeling that you two may be incompatible. There isn't much wrong with his communication style...perhaps his style just isn't for you. It's nice that he's trying to learn about women by reading relevant books...but if witty banter doesn't come to him naturally, I think he'll have a tough time gaining that ability no matter how hard he tries. It's innate to an extent. He may be one of those very literal, deep-thinking types that rarely gets outside his own head and has difficulty being spontaneous.
The bigger concern isn't his conversational ability, it's him not asking you questions about yourself. That usually indicates a lack of interest in you as a person. People who are truly into you will ask you questions no matter what their communication style is. It is natural to want to learn more about others who intrigue us.
Prettygreeneyes raises a good possibility too.
I think that type of personality was more common 10-20 years ago among engineers and people in IT. It is probably less common today because more and more employers are requiring engineers to have good communication and "soft" skills. Also, "engineer" is a very broad term that encompasses many different industries.
Like the people we can't get on the phone in Texas and in New Jersey? Nah, pretty sure it's the same......as well as all their mistakes that need corrected by "hands on" guys.....
Otherwise she would have ditched this guy after the first encounter.
You cannot change another human beings personality.
Either stay with him or leave him be so that he can find someone that truly is better for him.
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