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Actually yes, Id stop communicating as often because whats the point in getting so close to someone just to have them push you away. Then you get to still be so-called friends and get heartbroken every time you see the ditz he barely knows but cares about more than you.
That's funny, because according to the thread where the (male) OP had a similar situation with a woman rejecting him, these were your insights:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy
Theres no use in burning bridges. Just because I didnt want you romantically doesnt mean you wont be useful for something else.
Chitty chitty bang bang bang! Of course I mean business networking, moving furniture, etc.
You should probably stick around, because maybe he'd still have use for you doing some house cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.?
If I showed interest and he didn't reciprocate, I would still be his friend, but would try to avoid spending a lot of time around him. I would feel a little awkward to be honest. But if he was a good friend, I would not let THAT go.
If he came around and had a change of heart about his feelings towards me, I would most likely give it a chance. Like WeezerF84 said, I would rather have no regrets in NOT trying.
So call her and ask her out. Good luck!
This is a very good point. I did the same. Before my friend and I started the fling (and I was interested in him but didn't make a move yet), I spent a lot of time with him that I normally wouldn't have. More so than I did with any of my other friend.
During the fling, I spent even more time with him (of course).
But after he broke things off, while I was still his friend, I cut back the time a lot I used to spend with him. Basically, I went back to seeing him about as much as I did any other friend. No more and no less really. Part of it was the awkwardness, but most of it is "he's just a friend now" and no longer a "love interest." I use the time to pursue other men instead (not out of anger, vengeance, or whatever... it just makes sense not to chase after a romantic dead-end).
But again, my situation is slightly different. I don't have a "what if" because I already gave it a shot.
So my question is mainly for the women here. If you showed interest in a male friend, but he didn't reciprocate, would you avoid spending time with him? How would you feel if he came back a few months later and showed interest in you? Would you give him a chance or would you feel insulted that he wasn't interested in you before?
To answer your question, if I felt rejected, I would avoid you like the plague, which is why I think that guy on the bus has disappeared too. Life is so unfair. I have fallen for a few guys when it was too late, and they no longer wanted to be my friend after the fact.
You shot her down and that's the reason why she have been avoiding you. She is hurt and she's trying to move on. I'm not sure if your feelings are honest. It may be that you are only reacting this way because she is out of your life but as soon as she's back.....will your feelings go back to it's old ways? Sometimes, people only value certain things only when it's no longer there but once its there again, you know what happens.
Agreed. Make sure you really like her, and not because she no longer likes you, so you think you like her, and so you're trying to get her back to stroke your ego again. Sorry, I'm accusing you if this is not the case, but this has happened to me as well.
This woman is terrific. She's fun to be around and I always look forward to spending time with her. The problem is that I wasn't attracted to her physically. Her appearance hasn't changed. That's why I said in my original post that attraction isn't always immediate. People can seem more physically attractive after you've gotten to know them better and discovered how great they are. Also, I never flaked on her. Just the opposite. I wanted to continue spending time with her, but she's become less available. And I made sure to invite her to meet in group settings in case she felt awkward. We have some mutual friends so if she didn't want to talk to me, it's not like she wouldn't have anyone else to talk to.
jsun556,
You put the word discovering in quotes. Are you implying that my feelings aren't real? I can assure you that they are. I haven't been dating anyone else. I haven't even been looking.
calnbs,
I didn't exactly shoot her down. She never asked me out. She just dropped hints that she was interested in me. When I didn't reciprocate, I think she realized I wasn't interested in her and so that was the end of it. As for my feelings, they have nothing to do with her being absent. Yes, I miss spending time with her. But I think I would feel this way even if we had been still hanging out.
weezerfan84,
I definitely don't have feelings for anyone else. As I said above, I haven't been looking to meet anyone.
arleigh,
She's not a backup option. This is not a case of me dating other people, not having it work out, and then come running back to her. Dating hasn't been on my mind much lately cause I've been so busy with work and family stuff.
OP, what was it that changed in your mind/heart about her if you don't mind sharing?
Were you physically attracted to her in the beginning? Or were you not sure if you were?
What exactly was it that you weren't sure about?
I think that plays an important role about how most people would feel about giving a 2nd chance.
It wasn't that I was unsure of anything. At the time, I knew that I wasn't attracted to her. As for what's changed, really nothing has. She doesn't look different. She doesn't act different. My situation hasn't changed either. I was single before and I've been single since. I haven't been dating or even interested in anyone else in the months that have passed. Sometimes, a light bulb just goes off in your head where you start thinking about how great someone is and you wonder why it is you didn't realize it sooner.
It wasn't that I was unsure of anything. At the time, I knew that I wasn't attracted to her. As for what's changed, really nothing has. She doesn't look different. She doesn't act different. My situation hasn't changed either. I was single before and I've been single since. I haven't been dating or even interested in anyone else in the months that have passed. Sometimes, a light bulb just goes off in your head where you start thinking about how great someone is and you wonder why it is you didn't realize it sooner.
The reason I ask is because I have a female friend like this. Like you, I'm not attracted to her (in the physical sense in my case). That light bulb has clicked in my head a few times with her. She is my ideal woman. We get along great. And she is one of my best friends. We have even tried being together in the past. But it never lasted, because I could not get over the fact that I was not physically attracted to her.
All I'm saying is be careful if this friendship is important to you. If you're not attracted to her, then you're not attracted to her. Period. Even if she seems like the perfect girl for you.
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Life is so unfair. I have fallen for a few guys when it was too late, and they no longer wanted to be my friend after the fact.
After you've done that and she still doesn't want you, then move on.
