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....I was mad awhile ago, but now it's faded into sadness. Here's the situation, I've been 'dating' my 'boyfriend' since October. We communicate throughout the day, but only see each other every 2 weeks. He lives two hours away, but mostly he has his kids every other week and I haven't met them yet. I haven't met them yet because early in our 'relationship I backed out of plans a couple of times and said i wasn't sure we should try to get to know each other given his kids (ages 10 and 14)and distance. We says he's forgiven me and understands why I cancelled those 2 times, (I was fearful of pursuing a long distance relationship with a man with 2 kids). I've taken the attitude that we'll work it out.
Anyway, this is the weekend we're supposed to get together, and he tells me he realized he had made previous plans with some other people (he did this during the time we were 'broken up'. ( had I cancelled and questioned our getting to know each oither). I am surprised and hurt. When I ask him how he feels about me (not trying to fish for compliments, just would like to know where I stand) he said he wants to continue to get to know me, I'm worth it, but he's cautious. I told him, I'm in this for the long haul and he says 'I know you are'. What the hell? I feel stupid and feel like bailing in this again(my usual MO) but know I don't really want to do that. I need your thoughts and opinions, thanks alot
2) It IS too early to meet his kids. You said yourself you are still getting to know each other. The kids should only get involved if you have a serious commitment (which you don't).
You said you're in for "the long haul." Looks like you just need to be patient and understand what "long" really means.
He may not want to play anymore, may prefer a woman who is not so precious about the FACT that he has children who will ALWAYS be more important to him.
If you want to be there in the long haul then you need to be patient. Meeting his kids really isn't a good idea so soon in a relationship. You also need to realize that dating someone with kids means you are at the very best number two on his list. Can you handle that? Many single people can't handle that, especially when they don't have kids of their own. You also need to realize that with young kids, he will have to break dates at the last minute, because of them. It's just part of the whole dynamic.
You're right. I wish I hadn't said that to him that 'I'm in this for the long haul'. I realize that I'm not used to being in a relationship; it's been a couple of years. I think there needs to be a certain level of commitment, we've agreed we're exclusive. He's just not very open about his feelings or romantic. I'll try to be more patient, and I agree it's too soon to meet his kids, I understand his hesitancy. How/when do I know that I've made the right decision to continue to see where this goes? It seems like you have to make that decision and continue to experience things together. If there aren't major red flags then I imagine we would talk about a future together? I'm no spring chicken - 54, no kids, financially stable. We have a lot in common and he's trying to understand why his past relationships have failed (2 divorces) by reading 'Why We Love'. I like the fact he's trying to be introspective. Can something like this work - 2 hour distance 2 young kids? I know I will always be 2nd priority, and that plans change related to kids. Advice?
Why are you "in it for the long haul" with someone you're just getting to know? IMO, you sound too invested too soon.
That's what I was thinking. They sound like they hardly know each other.
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