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But you're not seeing the full picture either. You didn't see how they were acting when we were together. They were very flirtatious. They were laughing. There was definitely chemistry.
These are not signs of "no connection".
I hate to sound mean, but are you sure they weren't just acting polite and your own attraction to them clouded your judgement? If there really was chemistry, these women would have wanted to see more of you. Chemistry is a two-way thing.
And it's not why you'd think. No, I didn't find any special person to share part of my life with. It's quite the opposite. The vast majority of women I pursued were flakes. They were wishy washy, at best, when it came to putting any sort of commitment in. There was little to no initiation on their part even when I made my intentions clear that I was interested in them. After this latest unimpressed woman, whom I've gone on three dates with (all lasted 10+ hours), slept with, and shared some nice experiences with overall, I've decided to throw in the towel. I'm done with the constant disappointment and being led on. This is no longer fun to me, and instead hurtful and frustrating.
I listened to all your advice. I made changes to my life. Before entering the dating pool, I got myself into shape and upgraded my wardrobe so I'd look nice. I always put my best foot forward. I treated these women like ladies. I brought them flowers on dates. I paid for dates. I opened car doors for them. I held their hands so they wouldn't slip on ice. I listened to them talk about their lives rather than take control of the conversation and talk only about me. I made them laugh. I contacted them regularly. We went on dates that went well and lasted hours and hours. We kissed. We made out. We were physically intimate. We cuddled. We did everything you guys say you like and I was everything you said you wanted.
Essentially I put my all into this and all I received was a lackluster response by the majority of women. So tell me again about how all you want is a nice guy who will listen to you and support your endeavors and choices. I was that guy and all I got was strung along and treated like I meant nothing to these women. Best of luck filtering your way through all the assclowns and dbags and bros out there that you claim to not be able to stand. Because you just lost one decent candidate from the dating poor.
Sincerely,
Frustrated and Jaded
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
Okay, don't look at it that way as if I'm a "nice guy" or "pushover". I'm not. What I meant is that I am a very compassionate person by nature. I'm not just putting on a face for when I go out dating.
That may be the case but you set it up like you were putting on a face for dating. You made it sound as if you did all the "right" things because we told you to and not because you wanted to. If these were things that are an innate part of you - then our advice had nothing to do with it.
I hate to sound mean, but are you sure they weren't just acting polite and your own attraction to them clouded your judgement? If there really was chemistry, these women would have wanted to see more of you. Chemistry is a two-way thing.
With this last woman, we went out Sunday. Spent the entire day together essentially and left close to midnight. I'm very good at reading people and reading situations. There was no indication that she was just being polite. I've had those dates. I know what they're like.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
Well, obviously they didn't think you guys were a good match. Maybe they weren't looking for anything serious and they got the feeling that you were. Maybe they had a good time but didn't see it going anywhere long term. Maybe they were dating other people and clicked with someone else more. Maybe they weren't over their ex. Maybe maybe maybe. Whatever the reasons - it wasn't right. Sometimes you have to go through a lot of wrongs to find your right.
It can take decades. A woman I dated for four years (a single mom I've mentioned here) is getting married in the spring, she is early 40s and been dating 25 years or so. She's brilliant (ivy educated tenured professor), hot (too thin for me, but lots of guys would be gaga over it), and just all around awesome. She was frustrated as all hell for years, then first day she signs up for OKC another guy (also good looking and super smart) also signed up, they met, and are now getting married this spring. First OLD for each. Boom, it happens when it happens. It took them 20 or so years. There is no timeframe on this, unless you want to settle.
That may be the case but you set it up like you were putting on a face for dating. You made it sound as if you did all the "right" things because we told you to and not because you wanted to. If these were things that are an innate part of you - then our advice had nothing to do with it.
I'm saying that I fit the part. It just so happens that I'm naturally this type of person. I'm the furthest thing from a PUA there is.
With this last woman, we went out Sunday. Spent the entire day together essentially and left close to midnight. I'm very good at reading people and reading situations. There was no indication that she was just being polite. I've had those dates. I know what they're like.
Yeah, that would seem like a good sign to me too. I don't know what to tell you. I think you are wise to take a break from it all, but again, vent the frustration and be angry for a while (it's good for you), but don't let other people control you in the long run (don't let a handful of flaky women make you bitter or jaded).
I'm saying that I fit the part. It just so happens that I'm naturally this type of person. I'm the furthest thing from a PUA there is.
I'm not saying that you are PUA - I'm saying that you set up your OP in a way that makes it sound like you took our advice and molded yourself into the supposed perfect man. If you honestly feel that you didn't do anything differently than what comes naturally to you - then I wonder why you put all that stuff in your OP about listening to our advice and then listing all the things that you did. It makes it sound like you are jaded and bitter because you were led astray into being something that was supposed to be fool proof and then it wasn't.
But whatever - if you are not in a place where you can have a positive attitude in your dating life - then taking a break is the best thing you can do. I've known lots of people that have purposely taken breaks in dating. It's a good idea.
It can take decades. A woman I dated for four years (a single mom I've mentioned here) is getting married in the spring, she is early 40s and been dating 25 years or so. She's brilliant (ivy educated tenured professor), hot (too thin for me, but lots of guys would be gaga over it), and just all around awesome. She was frustrated as all hell for years, then first day she signs up for OKC another guy (also good looking and super smart) also signed up, they met, and are now getting married this spring. First OLD for each. Boom, it happens when it happens. It took them 20 or so years. There is no timeframe on this, unless you want to settle.
Maybe she is just tired of the dating game and wants to settle down and he came along at the right time. Just sayin ...
There was chemistry though. I felt it and they were definitely, without a doubt, showing that they were interested in me when we were together. How do you show all these signs and then decide, "Oh, it's just not a good match". I've had those dates. I know what they're like. These were not like that. Especially this last one. There was definitely a connection there.
Does it really matter why? Don't you want to be with someone who's as excited about you as you are about her? I totally get the disappointment -- I've been there many, many times. But you're stubbornly assuming that because you felt the right connection, these women did too. Therein lies the problem. Taking a break is a good idea.
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