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This is going to be difficult to explain but I'll try...
we all have some sort of flaws. But long I have notice that some people have...quite serious flaws such as : stubbornness and inability to reason (critical when you need to make serious decision about your life but partner seems not to think properly and his decision might lead to trouble) or lack of awareness of own health, body (typical: you have a young pretty wife that over the years turns into somewhat plump and not so pretty... gently spoken. Fine if you don't mind but what if you are sportsman for instance and health is important to you?) or lack of ambitions: typical male problem - I have own living, enough to buy food, clothes, what more do I need? At the moment not much, but later when family comes one start's to question his decisions of the youth...
now I am talking mostly about YOUNG relationships, when you like the second person but you see such flaws that might be disagree with your real personality.
What do you do? Break up after initial romance is gone, or try to change him or ignore or...?
Thanks
(I am just curious. I have been asking myself what will I do when the time comes as now I am single and working on myself...)
You can't change people nor should you try to. Accept them as they are, the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you cant do that, let them go.
and that's the problem. i have found awfully lot of things i would not tolerate on many others. i am demanding to other people, yes, but i am demanding to myself too. wonder where it ends up...
If you find flaws at the beginning of a relationship and you SEE those flaws and they bother you then there is little if none hope for the future. As you stated yourself people have flaws, we all do but in a relationship, in love we accept each other with the good and with the bad. You should love your partner despite the flaws. Hell you should love the flaws as well If you don't like them, if you can't stand them then let the guy go. It will just grow stronger and more annoying for you up to the point where it is the only thing you see in other person.
I don't think it's anybody's fault. It's just the way the world is. We can bear with one but can't stand something else.
You mean by "stubbornness and inability to reason", they don't agree with you and you can't convince them you are right, correct?
Why does she have to agree with you? Are you looking for a puppet?
I am not native engrish but I thought to reason with is pretty clear world and I really like it: to make a discussion based on rational arguments. Mod cut. but I had such gal once who basically thought in binary system - want/don't want - and it was extremely tough to basically have any discussion or anything with her. Imagine: - do you want to go out? - No. - Why? - Coz I don't want to. - It's nice outside and we are bored. - I don't want. - What is the problem? - I don't want....
Great... seriously, I could not live with such subject for more then few weeks, I would become murdered
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-20-2015 at 10:17 PM..
Reason: Gender bashing.
If you find flaws at the beginning of a relationship and you SEE those flaws and they bother you then there is little if none hope for the future. As you stated yourself people have flaws, we all do but in a relationship, in love we accept each other with the good and with the bad. You should love your partner despite the flaws. Hell you should love the flaws as well If you don't like them, if you can't stand them then let the guy go. It will just grow stronger and more annoying for you up to the point where it is the only thing you see in other person.
I don't think it's anybody's fault. It's just the way the world is. We can bear with one but can't stand something else.
yes, I agree with you.
Just recently I started to ask myself "how big are the acceptable flaws". If I am thinking of short relationship, I really don't need to care, right? But I am not that young and maybe I'll be thinking of something more serious and even smaller flaws can in time develop into huge problem... such as craziness, or lack of physical training and taking care of the body...
I am demanding, yes, I know it but I have no less expectations to myself. However, even I fail in many of them (fortunately still have some time to change that) so I wonder what about people who don't think such way? Typically the ones "I am perfect the way I am and need to improve nothing." and right after they lit a few cigarettes (imagine pregnancy with smoker) and go eat to McDonald (great when you are 20 something, but go ask your body of it's opinion after 30 etc. ...).
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted comment has been deleted).
And, no the world is full of "grays." Not everything is black and white and clear. Sometimes one just does not want to do something just because they don't--no particular reason.
You seem to be one of those many people I see here often that thinks partners need to agree on everything. Life partners will disagree on about 2/3rds of things. (that is a research based figure--I didn't make it up). The important part is how they handle those disagreements. You seem ill prepared to handle those differences of personality and opinion.
no, women are different, but equal. One of the smartest people of my life were women and I have the deepest possible respect for them (mostly mathematicians, lawyers...).
All I say talking to someone like you makes one question nowadays society as whole, so yes, I have been talking to few women and question myself weather are they like this all the time in their private life
[Snip.] And, no the world is full of "grays." Not everything is black and white and clear. Sometimes one just does not want to do something just because they don't--no particular reason.
You seem to be one of those many people I see here often that thinks partners need to agree on everything. Life partners will disagree on about 2/3rds of things. (that is a research based figure--I didn't make it up). The important part is how they handle those disagreements. You seem ill prepared to handle those differences of personality and opinion.
hahaha, no, I just lite to joke and fool around when I'm drunk
I absolutely do not require anybody to agree with me, provided he can rationally defend his stance. Such as "Would you like to go to... holiday in mountain this week?" "No!" and now's when the bread splits (as we say in czechia): a) "No, because I have better plans, such as studying and then going to theater to awesome play and besides, we can have fun and save some money" - perfectly acceptable response, or b) "No, no and NO! I don't know why, I just don't want and if you dislike what I like you are a horrible misogynist lousy JERK!!!"
does it make sense?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-20-2015 at 10:22 PM..
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If you don't like them, if you can't stand them then let the guy go. It will just grow stronger and more annoying for you up to the point where it is the only thing you see in other person.
