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When you talk to him, make sure you explain to him how these things make you feel. I believe it's important as a partner to establish boundaries. Whether you are a husband or wife, if your partner explains to you that something that you are doing with someone else is an issue and they want you to stop, then if it is reasonable, you should respect their request. With that said, if you explain that you do not like the physical contact he is getting from his coworkers, then if he values you and his relationship with you, then he will honor your request. It's really simple, why would he be concern with continuing that? Is it pleasing to you? If it's not pleasing to you, then who benefits from him continuing that behavior? As a spouse, he should be concerned about respecting and honoring you and if he puts anyone else ahead of that, then you have some things to consider about your relationship. I hope things work out and that he honors and respect your request.
Most of us here smell a rat. Time for you to lay low, act like everything is fine and start going through his phone while he is asleep.
Just don't jump to any conclusions until you have concrete evidence. Some texts can be misleading.
Check the phone bill for certain numbers, Credit card statement, etc
Be prepared for the worst but maybe you will find nothing at all
Good Luck
thank you. I hope I am wrong and he hasn't gone too far for us to sort it out. The "midlife crisis" is a load of crap...an excuse for some to act out. I have seen it with my friends and their spouses
I work from home for a fairly small company with a good number of European and South American employees. Further, the other employees in my department also work from home, so we do not see our co-workers much.
Hugging and even kissing is fairly standard for any greeting or departure. I often don't see these people face-to-face for years at a time, and one of the great things about my company is that we generally are all quite fond of each other. Even my boss - who is not at all the touchy-feely type - gave me a hug when he said goodbye the last time I saw him. I'm in the minority at the company in that I'm not married, and my perspective is that of a single woman.
So the idea of co-workers hugging and kissing in a ritualized way doesn't really set alarm bells off for me. What DOES set off alarm bells for me is that he seems to indicate this happens frequently and it's because they feel bad for him because they think he works too hard. Ummmm... that's just weird.
Yeah, I think a serious talk is in order. Don't let him gaslight you either by claiming it's all in your head. But before you do have that talk, scope out the finances.
He just says that 2 of his salespeople are just very concerned about him and they hug him, kiss him on the face, cup his face, or rub his shoulder if he appears to be upset with management
Are people really reading this and thinking, "Yep, totally normal?"
Are people really reading this and thinking, "Yep, totally normal?"
I certainly don't. I think the most important thing, bottom line in any marriage, isn't how other people see it, but how your spouse sees this behavior. They are really the only person that matters. If your spouse has an issue and they feel like it goes past boundaries, then you have to address it. It's either you need to change something or they need to get help, but it serves no purpose when people focus resolving their issues based on how other people outside their relationship sees it.
I certainly don't. I think the most important thing, bottom line in any marriage, isn't how other people see it, but how your spouse sees this behavior. They are really the only person that matters. If your spouse has an issue and they feel like it goes past boundaries, then you have to address it. It's either you need to change something or they need to get help, but it serves no purpose when people focus resolving their issues based on how other people outside their relationship sees it.
Well, yeah, that's really not something I was questioning.
I'm rather more incredulous about the people who are like, "Oh, yeah, that's completely typical and acceptable in a workplace, happens all the time in mine!'
I'm trying to picture me, in my classroom, following an inservice where the school administrator pissed everyone off (as happens), and then, later, in my classroom, having a male teacher (or, really, one of my paras, to fully approximate the workplace roles) come in and "cup my face, kiss it, and rub my shoulders, because I am upset with the higher ups."
Yeah...nope. Where do you all work, where this type of behavior is not something anybody would bat an eye at? Breastaurants?
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