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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,360,802 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Maybe ... If she can ever look beyond the parental relationship long enough to form an adult romantic relationship.
as I was reading about codependency, I learned where I had received these codependent behaviors.
My dad was addicted to the couch so to speak. He was extremely lazy when it came to household and parental responsibilities as I was growing up. My mom would spend years nagging and complaining never actually doing anything about the situation.
There was rarely any love or affection between them in the house.
I used to be heavily involved with a drug addict. It took me a few years to realize this isn't healthy behavior and it was taking toll on my health as well. The more I studied about drug addiction and how codependency plays into it, that was when I had to learn to form other healthy friendships with people
Current popular thinking is that dysfunctional families create dysfunctional children, but the patterns of dysfunction vary widely. Children of chemically dependent parents can become "lost souls", or suffer extreme abandonment fears, or else become "super-fixers". All of this is learned.
What you all think? If a child grows up in a co-dependent family, will she or he be more likely be in a co-dependent relationship as an adult?
There is an interesting and readable book on this. It has to do with your attachment style. If you have an unhealthy attachment style, you can learn to change it.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,360,802 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
There is an interesting and readable book on this. It has to do with your attachment style. If you have an unhealthy attachment style, you can learn to change it.
I've read a lot of articles on the Internet about co-dependency and learned the ways to help me form healthy relationships. One of the biggest things is not to revolve yourself around someone else's life to the point of not having one of your own.
I've read a lot of articles on the Internet about co-dependency and learned the ways to help me form healthy relationships. One of the biggest things is not to revolve yourself around someone else's life to the point of not having one of your own.
Yes, definitely. But there has been some recent criticism of the co-dependency crowd...not that they're wrong...just that sometimes they take it a bit too far.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,360,802 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
Yes, definitely. But there has been some recent criticism of the co-dependency crowd...not that they're wrong...just that sometimes they take it a bit too far.
I have never heard of co-dependency the way you used it in reference to your dad and mom. Doesn't mean it is not a good example. I don't know everything about it.
I do know that my parents both grew up in homes where there was so much verbal and physical abuse between their parents. When they got married, they decided that if they had a disagreement that they would leave it behind closed doors so as not to put my siblings and me through what they went through themselves. They were aware of the turmoil and dysfunction and made a conscious effort to not be the same type of parents they had. In that respect......however, my dad was an alcoholic. My ex-bf and I are both alcoholics and we met in a bar (no big surprise). His dad was an alcoholic. When I first got sober I read that sometimes when you grow up in an alcoholic home you subconsciously look for someone who is addicted to alcohol and try to "fix" them because especially if your parent(s) recovered from his or her alcoholism the child felt helpless and carries that helplessness and the desire to "fix" someone close to them into their adult years and they can become a "caretaker" to that person. I have wondered if that is what happened to both my bf and me. Actually we both were co-dependents and enabling one another because there was no "fixing" each other. We had to get outside help (AA) and want to quit.
I know that what you posted has nothing to do with alcohol. I just thought I would put in my two cents worth in case someone with the problem I mentioned happens to read your post.
I wish you the best of luck in finding the answer(s) you are searching for to your question.
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