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Its not more common because folk with a brain in their head realize that fooling around with third parties is GUARANTEED to cause problems.
Not necessarily true if both individuals are in the proper mindset, attitude, and maturity. Yes.... it takes special care to enter such agreement. It was not something my wife can accept... and so... our relationship is closed. I have no problems watching my wife with another man... enjoying each other (she's not gay nor bisexual). I'm secure in my relationship with her (21 years more than 1/2 of that time married) and my sexuality.
Besides, you can't guarantee anything for the entire population... It only takes 1 long term couple in a strong and open relationship to prove you wrong. Willing to bet a paycheck on that? (hint.. I already know I can win).
Been with my GF for eight months and the pros def outweigh the cons.
She has been with a total of one person since we have been together and is bisexual. And I have been with a total of two girls/women.
I can understand a much greater issue if you are seeing many people. But thats not the case with us.
It gives variety and freedom. Until the day I commit fully to her, If indend I do. Then of course this would cease.
This is the best relationship I have ever been in. Enlighten me why this is not more common. Esp given the circumstances of our relationship, which is not that uncommon.
Probably because people tend to seek relationships that reflect their personal values. If someone places high value on exclusivity, they're going to seek that out in their relationships, married or otherwise.
Open relationships occupy the space they do (that being a position of being considerably less commonplace than exclusive relationships) because they appeal to a different, and apparently smaller, population of people. If your actual underlying question is "WHY do open relationships not appeal to everyone?" the reasons are as varied as the individuals that subscribe to them. It seems so obvious that what works for one couple doesn't necessarily work for all couples that it shouldn't even really bear pointing out.
I would argue that a great many single people DO see many other people before committing to one specific person...they just don't frame it as "an open relationship," but "casual dating."
Not necessarily true if both individuals are in the proper mindset, attitude, and maturity. Yes.... it takes special care to enter such agreement. It was not something my wife can accept... and so... our relationship is closed. I have no problems watching my wife with another man... enjoying each other (she's not gay nor bisexual). I'm secure in my relationship with her (21 years more than 1/2 of that time married) and my sexuality.
Besides, you can't guarantee anything for the entire population... It only takes 1 long term couple in a strong and open relationship to prove you wrong. Willing to bet a paycheck on that? (hint.. I already know I can win).
Oh for Gods sake.
Its all about risk isn't it?
If you want to smoke a pack a day while KNOWING it leads to cancer 90% of the time, you still can. Its a free world.
If you want to shag around with a third party/parties, you are being beyond idiotic if you think you can avoid the potential risk that third party may cause....you're not even dealing with cigarettes which are a known quantity but a whole other personality that may or may not be a risk to your health or the health of your spouse or even children!
Every relationship is a compromise at a certain level - someone always "wears the pants".
This in turn will mean that someone is going along with the cigarettes/third party behavior to make the other person happy.
This means that your relationship is NO LONGER EQUAL.
If you want an unequal relationship where one party invites RISK into the lives of so-called loved ones, routinely, then you are going to lose everything eventually, one way or another.
Please don't judge me... you don't know me. Please don't apply your ideals to mine... we are different people from different backgrounds.
First of all, my wife and I are equal partners in our relationship. Neither she nor I "wear the pants". That's part of why we have been together so long and survived as a couple.
The risks you speak of are present in both dating and commit relationships. No different. As already mentioned, the only real difference is an agreement that exists between that couple. An agreement that is at its root a private matter... open or closed.. its their choice.
Please don't judge me... you don't know me. Please don't apply your ideals to mine... we are different people from different backgrounds.
First of all, my wife and I are equal partners in our relationship. Neither she nor I "wear the pants". That's part of why we have been together so long and survived as a couple.
The risks you speak of are present in both dating and commit relationships. No different. As already mentioned, the only real difference is an agreement that exists between that couple. An agreement that is at its root a private matter.
Why should anyone give a crap about someone else's lifestyle choices? That's the core of the issue... people actual believe their version of a "happy couple" is the correct one... and expects it out of all couples of all backgrounds. I'm saying there is no "correct" version... just one that was agreed upon when a couple committed to each other.
btw... I don't smoke. But as with any lifestyle choice... smokers have their choice.
Why should anyone give a crap about someone else's lifestyle choices? That's the core of the issue... people actual believe their version of a "happy couple" is the correct one... and expects it out of all couples of all backgrounds. I'm saying there is no "correct" version... just one that was agreed upon when a couple committed to each other.
btw... I don't smoke.
if you read back, you will realize I was responding to OP, not you or your personal preferences.
But you quoted my post.... which is why I assumed it was directed at me.
Nope, sorry, I will read the OP then answer it, often hardly reading a word in between.
I merely elaborated, when YOU quoted ME.
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It only takes 1 long term couple in a strong and open relationship to prove you wrong. Willing to bet a paycheck on that? (hint.. I already know I can win).
