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Give the guy a break man. He not only suggested coffee which was not good idea to you, he also came up with a meeting venue to start the ball rolling. Infact he provided more options for you, since the jetty is surrounded by restaurants and bars.
Totally unnecessary to penalize someone you've not met like this, a petty tip if its meant as one.
I peeked back in at my OLD the other day and got a guy who lives in the same suburb.
He seemed very nice and ticked all the boxes and asked me if I would like to meet for coffee.
We live in a very hip part of town with loads of restaurants, pubs, etc. He's born here, I've just moved in.
As I find OLD quite nerve wracking and don't drink a lot of coffee, I said sure but not a coffee joint.
So he says - lets just meet at the jetty (its beachside) and decide from there.
This simple sentence was enough to turn me off entirely and here's why:
I want a man to have the powers of DECIDING where to meet, to take charge if you like. He knows this area better than me, yet he can't even suggest a suitable venue to take a new female?!
I realize it may not be logical or even fair but it is what it is....!
(PS before you guys go getting mad, I WILL probably still meet him...but this did make me hesitate and gave a poor first impression).
Ya know, I could see someone thinking that way. Kind of like, "Okay, now I'm not so sure I want to meet you because you're striking me as fussy, so let's meet in a generic place and when I get there I'll decide if I want to get this over with, in which case I'll suggest a drink, which will be over in 15 minutes, or a stroll, during which I can show you around and take stock of your conversational skills before asking if you'd like to grab a meal at one of the places we pass."
lol! Yeah, he may have intended to have her waiting out on the street/jetty that way so he could just cruise by in his car, eyeball her, and decide whether he even wanted to get out of the car and go through with the date or not.
1. Have a battery of backup plans for when a woman you don't know shoots down your initial invitation of choice.
2. Read the person's mind.
3. Have the good fortune to not inadvertently make them think of x bad relationship they had, or they will immediately overgeneralize your actions and arbitrarily assign their ex's motives to you, "because he did that, too."
Expecting guys to magically intuit your personal peccadilloes leftover from past relationships and conduct themselves accordingly isn't really much of an "online dating tip" for the masses. Who knows HIS past relationship experience? Maybe he was with somebody who resented him making all the decisions, so he learned that it's a good idea to open up the floor to others' suggestions?
I would also imagine, per the usual scene with OLD, that he was simultaneously conducting communications with any number of women, and seamlessly moved on to somebody who didn't have a problem with his suggestion for meeting up. You say, "I was posting to give advice to any one of those guys who are suddenly dumped online and have NO IDEA WHY," but nobody got "suddenly dumped," here. Nothing of significance happened. I'm guessing the guy isn't going to sit around and agonize about why a first date didn't take place. I'm sure he'll move on okay.
Didn't read all the posts yet, but yes, this one said it best! ^^^ That guy for sure dodged a bullet. For Pete's sake OP, you could just drink decaf.. or tea or water.....jeezus...
Its really not a general tip for all men who use online dating, just the men who wants to date the OP. He better get the place, time, and scenery right the first time, or else he's SOL. And the only time the OP will make an exception is if hes really hot
This doesn't bear any resemblance to what OP said.
You are forgetting OP is already driving to an area she knows nothing about....Man should be a man and make it as easy for her as possible, part of that is making a plan to meet at a place easily accessible by people who don't know the area. When men who do not know my area drive to meet me, I suggest a place right off the highway if I can, it's called courtesy. To not make any plan, to me is kind of rude and clueless.
Once I drove to meet a guy in an area I had never been in before...I got lost, his directions told me get off at exit 53 and there was no such exit...I called and called and called and he didn't answer. I'm on the shoulder of the Garden State Parkway with cars whizzing by, in the days before smart phones and GPS, and the guy lets me down before I even meet him by not answering my call even though he knew I was driving there and didn't know the area.....in the end I got off any exit and stopped at several stores and got directions and eventually made it, but I felt so let down and not cared for in the most basic way a man should take care of a woman that I was already turned off before we even met. This to me is the same sort of thing.
See also the "Protective Men" thread farther down. Same thing. It's these subtle signs of whether a man is going to be a Man or not.
According to the OP, he specified a location an area, probably like saying "Let's meet at Oak Brook Mall" or "Let's meet at Navy Pier". That's pretty specific. As to whether we go to Bubba Gump Shrimp or to Olive Garden, they could decide that when they met.
The problem here is the OP is super-sensitive to questionable moments in interactions with guys due to her past experiences so she actively looks for reasons to be off put.
Sounds about right.
Saying this guy dodged a missile is probably the biggest understatement of 2015.
He didn't decide anything, he asked if I wanted to go for coffee NOT if I wanted to meet at xyz.
When I said no, he made a SECOND non-decision.
It was off putting to me. It is what it is.
He did make a 2nd decision. He suggested a place with a bunch of venues around it, right?
Don't take this as criticism, but you sound high maintenance. Just trying to give you, or other women that might be reading this, and that are wondering why they don't get asked out more... some friendly advice.
He did make a 2nd decision. He suggested a place with a bunch of venues around it, right?
Don't take this as criticism, but you sound high maintenance. Just trying to give you, or other women that might be reading this, and that are wondering why they don't get asked out more... some friendly advice.
In addition, if you said yes to coffee, at that point, he may have specified a coffee shop.
Hypothetical conversation
Guy: Hey, would you like to meet up on Sunday for coffee?
Girl: Sure, I should be free around 2PM
Guy: Great, let's meet up at the Starbucks on the corner of 153rd and Wolf at 2PM then.
Girl: See you then!
Didn't even give him a chance.
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