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I was in a similar situation. I was with someone that would always be at this woman's beck and call. It bothered me throughout the 2.5 years of our relationship. I ended it due to various reasons, and this being one of them. You have to decide if this is what you want or not. I regret not leaving sooner because it will never change and it never did.
A friend should be understanding when they have to take a step back to allow the other the space and time needed to groom and grow their romantic relationships with others.
"Friendship is support, not smothering"
Something both ends need to understand in a "friendship dynamic" so neither feels rejected or insignificant while the other pursues their own individual interests and desires outside of the friendship.
Either that is going to happen and be understood or it is not.
You BF will give you his answer based on his actions.
Don't ignore them.
Beyond all the inherent issues, personal philosophies and other mumbo jumbo you will hear pushed by various thinking and agendas on opposate sex relations...this is the one and only thing that will hold true regarding friendship.
As far as your relationship with this guy goes:
You're annoyed becuase you're not getting the type of time or focus from someone trying to establish a further connection with someone they claim to be interested in should be offering.
You most likely feel as though you give more than he is (to the relationship) and as a result the whole thing is off its balance before it can even really begin to grow in to what it should be.
You need to address it with him so he is aware he is inadvertently causing harm to his relationship with you.
Last edited by rego00123; 04-20-2015 at 01:33 AM..
A friend should be understanding when they have to take a step back to allow the other the space and time needed to groom and grow their romantic relationships with others.
"Friendship is support, not smothering"
Something both ends need to understand in a "friendship dynamic" so neither feels rejected or insignificant while the other pursues their own individual interests and desires outside of the friendship.
Either that is going to happen and be understood or it is not.
You BF will give you his answer based on his actions.
Don't ignore them.
Beyond all the inherent issues, personal philosophies and other mumbo jumbo you will hear pushed by various thinking and agendas on opposate sex relations...this is the one and only thing that will hold true regarding friendship.
As far as your relationship with this guy goes:
You're annoyed becuase you're not getting the type of time or focus from someone trying to establish a further connection with someone they claim to be interested in should be offering.
You most likely feel as though you give more than he is (to the relationship) and as a result the whole thing is off its balance before it can even really begin to grow in to what it should be.
You need to address it with him so he is aware he is inadvertently causing harm to his relationship with you.
There seem to be some people who believe a friendship should never change or that it should be given a higher priority because the friendship existed long before a romantic relationship came along. They are two completely different types of relationships and there is a problem if either the friend or the romantic interest feels in competition with the other. The person in the middle is not being a good partner or friend in that case.
OP never came back. But it sounded like she was invited to the football Sundays with the friend, but didn't want to go.
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She cancelled the football match and said we will do it next weekend (deciding for me what we will be doing with my boyfriend).
I did talk to my boyfriend about it and he said that he didn't want to ask her to ring him less and that they are just friends. He said that it isn't going anywhere and that he doesn't want it to and that I am important to him. I told him it bothered me when she was always ringing and he agreed that it would bother him if the other way round, but he wasn't prepared to do anything about it as he said they had done it for years. He is more frightened of upsetting her than me. They lived together with other friends for a while and have a cat that they have at his place and then hers (they share it) and this is a bond that keeps them together also. He loves this cat.
I am finding it so hard to deal with and have basically been told to put up with things, as she is the closest thing to family that he has. He describes it as a brother / sister relationship, but I said I don't know anyone who calls their sister every day?
I know they have done this for years and it is a habit, but he was single then and surely he would want to consider my feelings. I said to him that I would meet her one time when she brings the cat round so it is a short meeting. I said I might feel left out watching football with two avid fans.
I also mentioned about us meeting up twice a week, one of those is only for a couple of hours because of his shifts and said I would like to meet up a bit more, which he agreed with. He said he had kept it at twice a week as 'we were still deciding whether we really wanted to be together'! I didn't realise this and it has been nearly six months now. This man hasn't had a relationship before and it is new to him. It has brought out issues that he didn't realise he had when he was single because he didn't really have to consider anyone else and he has found it hard, but it does seem to be getting easier and we communicate better, but surely by this time he would know whether he wanted to be with me.
It's time to move on, at this juncture he should know if he wants a serious relationship with you and putting you first shouldn't and doesn't jeopardize his "friendship" with her. I personally think he is in love with her but she doesn't see him the same way and I'm willing to bet he compares you to her. He's keeping you at an emotional distance for a reason and you shouldn't tolerate that.
Time to move on and find someone who want the same things you want in a relationship because it is not this guy.
His behavior is very suspicious. Hers, too. I would LEAVE and look for somebody who doesn't have this kind of drama (because, yes, this is drama). I refuse to compete with another female for my boyfriend's attention. And if I have to? Then **** it, it's not worth it, I'm walking away. But that's just me.
It sounds like he is choosing her over you. I can't think of any friends I call every single day. I would think if he really cared about you he would be willing to prioritize you. It's not like you're asking him to never see you again, but if you guys are going to have a healthy romantic relationship, then you need to be his #1. And after six months he should definitely know he wants to be with you. Don't make excuses for him because he hasn't had many relationships before!
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