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OP were we dating same women? Sounds almost like it, if u really, and i mean really look back at the relationship, u probably werent happy.
-lack of intimacy, someone not really being there for u, completely open and willing to communicate. Those are hard to deal with. And like Ruth said, it is almost...probably is completely impossible to have something long term with someone who doesnt communicate and just holds things in. Dont blame urself, i've done the same thing. U would have tried to make it work, she doesnt. Nothing u can do other than find someone better.
Thank you for kind words, but i still got a bad taste in my mouth. I think I played my part somehow so things went wrong. to think back - 6 months ago we were so happy and into each other and now she is gone, vanished. I saw myself with her and she saw us together back then - i know that.
Also:
Before i moved in and was still working on my place she said i should tell her if i need help. I did twice when I was painting my new apartment – she didnt come the 1st time because they were re-painting her parents home at the same day and 2nd time she didnt come because night before (helloween) we were out having drinks and she was hung over the next day. She was able to go to cemetery with family members (1st November) but was too hangover to come and help me with painting even though we agreed she will come 3 days before. i didnt ask for help since... I mean… I was disappointed. Not to mention that i helped painting her room few months back!
Its like she was expecting from me so much but i cant read her mind and her actions speaks opposite of what she wants. She didnt come for 3 months!
Friends and family told me that what she told me doesnt even make sense, some friends said that was bull**** and there is no logic behind but they are all people who love me and try to make me feel better. We have crisis for last 3 months -argue alot – i wasnt happy that she neglected our relationship, with sex live, with our energy in relationship…
I felt that something was not right – gut feeling when we were buying a closet… she was distant and moody for the whole month after that.
When she finally come after 3 months I was making fun of her (not too much) like: 'Will you come again?' 'I hopeyou ll come again soon' etc... she was angry saying how can she come with joy when im making fun of her all the time about how she doesnt come. I said where do you think that came from? She said 'i know i fu**ed up (not having time for us) and that she apologized to me (she never did)... She said she didnt have time and she felt bad about my parents since she was not at my house for such a long time… I mean 3 months and we live 12 km apart.
It just doesnt make sense. I mean… Is this love? maybe it was once but this cant be... :/
Well, yes. I agree with your friends. And no, this isn't love.
But, instead of making fun of her (this is passive-aggressive behavior), you should have simply said you're unhappy and confused about her long absence (etc.) Try to open a dialog. But we know now that she isn't open to dialog. So there's nothing you can do.
She felt bad about your parents since she hadn't been to your house for a long time? What does that mean? It sounds like an excuse. And she never told you why she stopped coming to your place, even before the apartment was built.
You know what they say, OP: "Actions speak louder than words." Who knows what went wrong (in her mind)? You were very close and happy at the 6-month point, then later, things started to fall apart. And you haven't been able to find out why, because she only gets angry, she doesn't explain anything.
So she doesn't give you a way to try to solve the problem. You didn't even know there was a problem, until she got moody after you bought the closet. And you still don't know what the problem was, that caused her to begin to pull away.
OP were we dating same women? Sounds almost like it, if u really, and i mean really look back at the relationship, u probably werent happy.
For the last 3 months i really wasnt. To be honest i was unhappy majority of time. I think she sensed that, she felt that energy, bad vibe or something like that. i couldnt hide it. there were days which was good and was happy but there were not may of them. Relationships are about give and take - I felt i was the only one who was giving in relationship and she was the one who was taking. All i wished is to be happy with her. But when she showed me multiple times that im not that important - i felt i was not a priority my perceptions slowly changed. Also we havent had sex for 7 weeks in a row, had conversation about it (told her its important to me and how much it bothers me) and after next sex another month went by without any bedroom action. She wasnt bothered and i gave up on mentioning it because there is no point into pressuring someone into it. I even try to be patient - take her to dinner, be there for things she considers important and I saw she was happy with that but for me still nothing changed. But stuff like that killed my true self - i was not what i was before/would still like to be. i couldnt. Resentment grew and i was not the same. I was still thre for her, helped her, talked to her, being normal... but you can feel it when something is off. She felt it.
Busy is just an excuse, when you love or care for someone you make the time.
She fills the time for a relationship with work and projects, so really she isn't interested and she is just giving you an excuse.
Just let her be.
In a relationship there has to be commitment on BOTH parts to make things work, if not...you cannot convince anyone to do their part and you cannot do both.
It sounds like you were reasonably happy at six months, as you were still in the "honeymoon phase." She got busy and you both have communication issues. I think you both drifted apart and emotionally disconnected.
If I had not had relations or seen my husband often while we were dating, we would have had a conversation about it really quickly. Communication is the key to a good relationship.
Tnx for opinions. I feel little better but at the same time I can relate to her and can understand her - she is 28, living at home, her bio clock is ticking… she is not that unreasonable - I should see this one coming. Lack of experience on my part... We are officially broken up. So I just got my first ex ://
At first I was going to suggest communicating one more time with her - but then I read that you'd been arguing a lot, on top of everything else that was going wrong. This was not meant to be.
Try not to see it as a failure, but as a learning experience. Sometimes you have to go through these experiences to find a better partner, and also to become a better partner, yourself.
Tnx for opinions. I feel little better but at the same time I can relate to her and can understand her - she is 28, living at home, her bio clock is ticking… she is not that unreasonable - I should see this one coming. Lack of experience on my part... We are officially broken up. So I just got my first ex ://
Don't be so hard on yourself. The bio clock doesn't usually start ticking until the 30's sometime. She has plenty of time, still. And it wouldn't have worked out, long-term. You both need to learn better communications skills. Also, it seems she was unhappy about something even before the apartment & moving in became an issue. And you still don't know what that was about, she never told you.
So consider it all a learning experience. You'll do better next time. You didn't really do so badly this time, in fact.
I was seeing her cca twice a week for the last 3 or 4 months. What i was saying is she didnt come to my place that often!
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