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For some reason I have been down all day about being single . Well before I go into detail let me give some back grouo info. I am a young woman in her late 20's who has yet to find "Mr. Right." Im usually ok with being single since I have pratically always been. Ive been in 3 unsuccessful relationships thus far, each averaging 6 months to a year in length before crumblimg. I do attribute my failed relationships to me not being aware of myself. You know, not knowing what i wanted, not setting boundaries, low self esteem, etc etc etc. So i dated men who were disrespectful, cheaters, liers.....you name it. I spent the last 3 years being single to focus on me. I dont want to say I gave up hope but I wanted to figure out the issue since I noticed the common factor was me. I realized I was not at a good place mentally or emotionally so I attracted people who werent good to me and I accepted it.
Ive grown mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I can honestly say Im at a point where Im ready to date again. The only thing is, now that I know what I desire in a mate, I catch on to bs easily and am turned off easily by the men I run into. Having no goals, instability, bitterness towards women, desiring only friends with benefits relationships, not looking for a real commitment, etc. It gets frustrating when I see everyone (and I mean everyone) around me getting into new relationships, getting engaged, and getting married. Im so happy for them because I know what they endured to obtain that "right mate." I do get sad occasionally (not always, just sometimes) when I wonder why not me? I havent felt this blue in a few months. I think its partly hormonal but I cant help but wonder will i always be single. The dating population is low in my city. Im planning on moving out in a few months to a much, much larger city and hope to met eligible bachelors there. Ive advanced so much in my career and have accomplished so most of my goals and dreams already. Now, im ready to date again...and just maybe experience the right kind of love.
Hi Browneyez....
You have learned your value. Good for you. Continue to build on that and focus on the good relationships you have with parents and friends. Live a happy, amazing and fulfilled life NOW! Take the focus and pressure off of yourself (and new potential mates) by making the happy life first and THEN working the right person into your happy life when you meet him By being totally in love with your life and what you do (work and hobbies), you will find the person that is best for you. Don't fret..... many men around your age are still figuring out that a QUALITY woman is worth the investment of work and time. Happiness is a choice regardless of circumstances.
You never know when you might meet the person who changes everything. I was single for about 5 years officially. I mean I dated, I sometimes dated the same person for a few months, but it never turned into a serious relationship. When I was 30 I met someone who blew me away! We've had some ups and downs (it's long distance a portion of the time), but now I'm 31 and we are really happy. He was worth waiting for. Don't give up!
It's good and better that you did all that while you are single. I'm currently in your situation, but only after being in 3 terrible relationships + one bad 15 year marriage. I was like you--I had low self esteem and didn't respect myself enough, so I kept attracting the same type of guy.
I would rather be in my late 20's, never married, and figured out what you figured out than late 30's, divorced, and a single mom. My dating pool is worse. Besides, think of it this way, all those friends who got married before you? They may be like me who didn't know what she wanted, but liked the idea of marriage and got married anyway. Don't rush it.
steer your own ship - don't wallow in other peoples currents
being independent...is ten times better than being in a ****ty relationship
and when you look at other couples and they seem to " have it all" its all b.s. but they are stuck....financially or by kids,,,,
not everyone but at least half the population
steer your own ship - don't wallow in other peoples currents
being independent...is ten times better than being in a ****ty relationship
and when you look at other couples and they seem to " have it all" its all b.s. but they are stuck....financially or by kids,,,,
not everyone but at least half the population
^^^this^^^
Love yourself first and then find someone else to share life with if that is still what you want. The two are not dependent upon each other (do not put value in being part of a couple... instead find happiness from within).
I state all this and sometimes I have fleeting feelings similar to the OP when I am alone.... they are only fleeting feelings though as I can snap myself out of it by remembering how much more difficult things used to be when I was tied down in unhappy or stressful relationships.
In my experience....you can't spend your time worrying about whether a man/woman is going to come into your life or not. Just because other people around you are getting married and settling down...doesn't mean you have to.
Just live life and let things happen as they come.
That's really all you can do.
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By being totally in love with your life and what you do (work and hobbies), you will find the person that is best for you. Don't fret..... many men around your age are still figuring out that a QUALITY woman is worth the investment of work and time. Happiness is a choice regardless of circumstances.
