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Its been almost a year since I broke off our 2 year off and on "relationship", but I just can't stop thinking about him. Everything reminds me of him for some reason. I've tried everything, dating, hanging out, extracurricular activities, and it doesn't matter. My mind always drifts back to him. I was doing well about not thinking about him for a while, until he sent me this random text message on Christmas. So now, every since then, I've been constantly thinking about him.
Any advice on how I can stop this madness???
The problem with having great chemistry with someone is that you can develop a chemical addiction. I once had a relationship that was all-consuming and I felt like an addict waiting for my next "fix" when I was waiting for him to call. This went on for 3 years of on-again, off-again.
I finally threw in the towel and moved 900 miles away from him. Like you, a year later I was still thinking about him, but the geography helped me to not act on my impulses to see him. Over time it gets easier. Today I have a perfectly normal, happy relationship, but it took some time to get there. You have to treat this like any other bad habit you are trying to overcome. Sometimes shear willpower is the only thing you can count on. Other days it is easy to see things clearly. But hang in there because you won't get to the next (happier) phase of your life until you get past the old phase.
The problem with having great chemistry with someone is that you can develop a chemical addiction...You have to treat this like any other bad habit you are trying to overcome. Sometimes shear willpower is the only thing you can count on. Other days it is easy to see things clearly. But hang in there because you won't get to the next (happier) phase of your life until you get past the old phase.
I think this is so true! It definately happens in phases...I'll get over thinking about him, and then if/when he texts me or just for some random reason, I'm thinking about him again. I had (and still have) the oppurtunity to move from South Jersey to Dallas for my job, but realized that it wouldn't be a smart move for me right now...and it also wouldn't stop me from thinking about him, but I am planning on moving there in a few years. Right now, I just need to be strong and get over him, and on with my life...it's a great one , and his loss .
Its been almost a year since I broke off our 2 year off and on "relationship", but I just can't stop thinking about him. Everything reminds me of him for some reason. I've tried everything, dating, hanging out, extracurricular activities, and it doesn't matter. My mind always drifts back to him. I was doing well about not thinking about him for a while, until he sent me this random text message on Christmas. So now, every since then, I've been constantly thinking about him.
Any advice on how I can stop this madness???
One year for you and four for me, when you find a solution let me know. I went back to school (so been doing that for the last two years). I go out with friends, have picked up dance classes, teaching myself the acoustic guitar, exercise, read, garden like mad....... and on and on.....I miss him and love him just as much today as I did the last time we spoke years ago. If I had one wish, only one, it would be to see him again. Good luck!
Personally I think I would see if he would meet me for lunch or something. Not to jump back into it with him but maybe spending a little time with him will remind you how frustrating the entire thing was for you. I can't imagine that staying away from him is going to be the solution, you have done that and it hasn't worked.
One year for you and four for me, when you find a solution let me know. I went back to school (so been doing that for the last two years). I go out with friends, have picked up dance classes, teaching myself the acoustic guitar, exercise, read, garden like mad....... and on and on.....I miss him and love him just as much today as I did the last time we spoke years ago. If I had one wish, only one, it would be to see him again. Good luck!
4 years...WOW. I sure hope it doesn't take me that long. Good luck to you too .
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Personally I think I would see if he would meet me for lunch or something. Not to jump back into it with him but maybe spending a little time with him will remind you how frustrating the entire thing was for you. I can't imagine that staying away from him is going to be the solution, you have done that and it hasn't worked.
I've tried just seeing him in the past when we broke up. But that just turned into us getting back together. Honestly, I don't think I can see him or talk to him unless/until I have someone else in my life that I am really interested in. So far, that hasn't happened. Not yet anyway.
Its been almost a year since I broke off our 2 year off and on "relationship", but I just can't stop thinking about him. Everything reminds me of him for some reason. I've tried everything, dating, hanging out, extracurricular activities, and it doesn't matter. My mind always drifts back to him. I was doing well about not thinking about him for a while, until he sent me this random text message on Christmas. So now, every since then, I've been constantly thinking about him.
Any advice on how I can stop this madness???
Time heals all wounds. Soon you'll find someone who will "trump" him. You're on the right track by staying busy. I'm sure he gets a lot less "head time" from you now than he did at the beginning of the break up. At some point you'll wonder why you wasted your time thinking about him. State your intents and stay focused.
Sounds like you just need more TIME to get over him. But you've got to do it. Its OK to remember back to the good ole days....thats normal. I still do that about a college girlfriend 15 years ago. But if its holding your life back and messing with your mind, you really need to let go.
Do you live near him and "run into" him sometimes? A farther distance will help get him out of your mind.
Sounds like you just need more TIME to get over him. But you've got to do it. Its OK to remember back to the good ole days....thats normal. I still do that about a college girlfriend 15 years ago. But if its holding your life back and messing with your mind, you really need to let go.
Do you live near him and "run into" him sometimes? A farther distance will help get him out of your mind.
I just had to comment on your comment about distance. As I posted previously, it's been 4 years and the distance....well...how about 1300 miles, and trust me, I'm not under a rock crying every day and night as you can read on one of my posts. Let's just say it doesn't get any more real than what we had. I guess when it came down to it, the compriming was one sided. I just tell myself that I don't understand or shouldn't try to. At least that way I can actually live as much life as possible each day.
Two years is a really long time to still be obsessing over someone (unless you were in like a 10 or 15 year long term relationship which it does not sound like). Obsession is, like you said, a "madness" in the sense it's not a good thing and you desire it to not continue. Also you recognize that the place you go to is "La La Land" as in not reality, as in fantasy, as in again not a place you want to inhabit.
It sounds like you left him for all the RIGHT reasons, in terms of your own self-respect, emotional health, and dignity as a human being. It also sounds like he knows how to yank your chain.
I also know how hard it can be to "stay away." When you backslide (calling him or whatever it is that to you sucks you into the negative loop of behavior) take note of what led up to it in your life or routine. The old HALT is good to look at, am I HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, or TIRED when I engage in undesirable behavior.
It sounds like you are clear and honest about where you are and where you want to be going. Sometimes it just has to get BAD ENOUGH before you finally stay away. I give myself permission to stay in the same loop until I get the skills or tools or different way of being and doing, that allow me to step out of it.
Good for you for your honesty and self-care and desire to live in a healthy place
All of the above. Honestly, I do still have feelings for him, but I refused to show it...especially to him. I feel like there was definitely a lack of closure with how we stopped talking. It was just one of those things where I got SO tired of hearing myself say the same things to him; and him not really addressing my concerns but instead, changing the subject or doing something to make me laugh. After 2 years, it just wasn't funny/cute anymore and I gave up; stopped answering his calls, ignoring his texts because at that point, there was nothing that I haven't heard from him in the past and the "relationship" was just going in circles...Off then On, Off then On.
But I do miss him, and I constantly think about him. I kind of think that he feels the same way, but I'm not sure. He's very good at avoiding conflict and not really showing his true feelings. But at the same time, he could be happy without me and just not give a d***. In which case, I really need to move on with my life. But I think it's the "unknown" that has me holding on.
Okay, I can totally understand what you are going through...at one point I totally walked away and you know what, I did not even cry, it was so over. I too, "got SO tired of hearing myself say the same things to him; and him not really addressing my concerns but instead, changing the subject or doing something to make me laugh"; I just had a thought, maybe it was the same guy, eek! Anyway, I think you perhaps are in love with the idea of being in love; it's not him, but who you wish he was, and I can tell you people do not change. The fact that he is texting you should show you that he is trying to test the waters(just like before, see people don't change) with you to see if you are willing to go through the cycle again (has he changed?-no!). You, my friend are stronger than that...I hope you ignored the text and deleted it. If you can, change your number and go out and have fun with yourself. Find out who you are without him, get strong, love the person staring at you in the mirror, THEN be open to someone who is worthy of you, and do not change no matter what. Good luck!
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, and his loss 
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