Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
WOW. Something DID happen. And, I've been drinking since I was 14 (not something to brag about, but truth!), and I know how to control myself when I've been drinking. That means that no matter how much I have, I still know that I'm married, and I still know better than to let someone put their hands all over me. I guess some of y'all are swingers or something.
So now you expect that others should be able to handle drinking just as you do?
That is just silly and not very mature.
I had a best friend as an adult who did not handle his alcohol very well and because of his drunken antics I made the choice that I won't be around him when he's drinking. Problem solved.
You can't change how people behave on alcohol...all you can do is change being around it.
You said your husband does not handle alcohol very well.
You also said the woman proceeded to get exceptionally drunk.
The only issue here is how you are dealing with it. I agree with the other comments that you need help or you are going to lose that husband.
He should have removed her from his lap. There are ways he could have done it without hurting her.
Me, I would have teased DH mercilessly. But you don't find that sort of thing funny and you're entitled to that.
However, you guys need to redefine your definition of a 'fun time'. I'm not judging you guys because drink, but in that environment, with intoxicated people of both sexes, stuff like that happens. The fact that you got upset over one of the lesser things that could have happened means that this lifestyle isn't your cup of tea anymore. Add to that your own admission that DH doesn't handle his liquor well, and there you go. Get new friends.
I won't stew at him. It seems like he thought it was funny, but once he realized how pissed you were, he ended it and came to find you. I would say you're justified in not finding it funny but steaming isn't going to solve anything. Calm down, explain to him why you're angry, and take it from there. Agree that you guys should stay out of situation where something like that could happen again. I think he should understand why you're upset too.
Something tells me your reaction would have been very different had she been a morbidly obese woman with bad teeth and a foul stench. The fact that you had to throw in her weight makes me think you're just very insecure.
Actually, not true. This woman is not attractive at all. Being thin does not automatically make one attractive. I mentioned her weight because I was really angry and thinking about how easily I could have flung her off of him, considering that I'm on the small side myself. One thing that I'm not is insecure...I am actually cocky to a fault about things like my appearance, body and income.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlazingStars
Reading the OP's posts, I seriously doubt she is more insecure than any normal person would be. She is in love, sensitive and she feels very hurt, like many women would feel if they assisted to something like that. I understand that there are couples that see lap dances like fun, and that is ok, but she is not the only woman who wouldn't agree to something like that. Feeling hurt and shocked by what happened is justified, she just has to try to feel better little by little. Women who lack self-control and much more, like that pathetic woman does, aren't worth losing your sleep over.
Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm
Mod cut. You are probably right, your husband would be just as proprietary were the situation reversed. And? That does not make it right. Your husband is not turf that you have to defend. Here's a thought... when your husband comes home, say to him "since you like lap dances so much... " and lay one on him. Think you can do that? It will require forgiving him first. People, I don't know how (or why) forgive the killers of their spouses and relatives, it should be possible to for you to forgive your husband and move on from some drunken ****** fondling... with the backs of his hands? Poor guy. He knows you well doesn't he. You are probably making his life miserable these days and he thinks he deserves it. One day he will realize he doesn't. You have around until then to change your angry ways. Mod cut.
Do you have some sort of personal problem with me or something? The personal attacks really aren't necessary.
I understand that different people get upset/angry/jealous about different things, and some have more tolerance for this type of thing than I do. That doesn't make me some sort of horrible person, and it doesn't mean that I make "that poor guy" miserable. The two of us love each other very much, are very close and are, in general, very happy. I don't give him a hard time about much of anything. I think the reason why I'm so hurt and upset is because we ARE so close and so happy and so this is just very abnormal for us.
So, because I disagree with how he handled ONE thing and am upset about it ONE time, I'm somehow "making him miserable?" What am I supposed to do, not have feelings or opinions about things?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
I guess we are outnumbered, OP. I would be upset that my husband didn't get her off his lap the second she sat down. I'm not talking divorce angry - but angry nonetheless. But like I said, he would know it right then and there. I wear my emotions on my sleeve so I don't really keep things inside for very long.
Thanks.
I'm not talking about divorcing the man, geeze. I was just upset and was venting about ONE thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
Agreed. OP had every right to feel the way she does.
So it's the OP's place to remove the woman? No, her husband should have stood up and removed the woman from his lap. This is not hard to do. Why should he care about making a scene? That ship has sailed.
Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanHalen5150
I think the OP did not get the reaction she wanted and is out the door...
Nah. I haven't been on today because I've been lounging in the pool all day. Ahh...the life of a freelancer.
By the way, I don't expect everyone to agree with me or to respond in a certain way. It's always good to get things from a different perspective, which is part of the reason why I posted here. I just didn't appreciate some of the personal attacks. There are nicer ways to say things. Such is life on an Internet forum, though, I suppose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weeblywobbly
He should have removed her from his lap. There are ways he could have done it without hurting her.
Me, I would have teased DH mercilessly. But you don't find that sort of thing funny and you're entitled to that.
However, you guys need to redefine your definition of a 'fun time'. I'm not judging you guys because drink, but in that environment, with intoxicated people of both sexes, stuff like that happens. The fact that you got upset over one of the lesser things that could have happened means that this lifestyle isn't your cup of tea anymore. Add to that your own admission that DH doesn't handle his liquor well, and there you go. Get new friends.
I won't stew at him. It seems like he thought it was funny, but once he realized how pissed you were, he ended it and came to find you. I would say you're justified in not finding it funny but steaming isn't going to solve anything. Calm down, explain to him why you're angry, and take it from there. Agree that you guys should stay out of situation where something like that could happen again. I think he should understand why you're upset too.
You're probably right. Going out and drinking isn't really my thing anymore anyway, although I do enjoy it sometimes. It's not something that we do a whole lot anyway, but I think I will rethink some of our plans in the future.
We actually talked about it today. He said that he is not interested in anyone other than me and thought I knew that, so that's why he didn't see it as a big deal and didn't immediately understand why I was so upset.
We talked it out and everything is pretty much fine now. I'm still a little bit upset I guess, but now we have both seen the situation a little more from each other's sides. He understands why I was upset, and I understand more about why he didn't think it was such a big deal. I think he'll react differently in the future, and I'm more on my way to "getting over it" than I thought I would be. I'm glad we finally talked about it.
Thanks to those who have been supportive or who have given CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
Actually, not true. This woman is not attractive at all. Being thin does not automatically make one attractive. I mentioned her weight because I was really angry and thinking about how easily I could have flung her off of him, considering that I'm on the small side myself. One thing that I'm not is insecure...I am actually cocky to a fault about things like my appearance, body and income.
Thank you.
Do you have some sort of personal problem with me or something? The personal attacks really aren't necessary.
I understand that different people get upset/angry/jealous about different things, and some have more tolerance for this type of thing than I do. That doesn't make me some sort of horrible person, and it doesn't mean that I make "that poor guy" miserable. The two of us love each other very much, are very close and are, in general, very happy. I don't give him a hard time about much of anything. I think the reason why I'm so hurt and upset is because we ARE so close and so happy and so this is just very abnormal for us.
So, because I disagree with how he handled ONE thing and am upset about it ONE time, I'm somehow "making him miserable?" What am I supposed to do, not have feelings or opinions about things?
Thanks.
I'm not talking about divorcing the man, geeze. I was just upset and was venting about ONE thing.
Thanks.
Nah. I haven't been on today because I've been lounging in the pool all day. Ahh...the life of a freelancer.
By the way, I don't expect everyone to agree with me or to respond in a certain way. It's always good to get things from a different perspective, which is part of the reason why I posted here. I just didn't appreciate some of the personal attacks. There are nicer ways to say things. Such is life on an Internet forum, though, I suppose.
You're probably right. Going out and drinking isn't really my thing anymore anyway, although I do enjoy it sometimes. It's not something that we do a whole lot anyway, but I think I will rethink some of our plans in the future.
We actually talked about it today. He said that he is not interested in anyone other than me and thought I knew that, so that's why he didn't see it as a big deal and didn't immediately understand why I was so upset.
We talked it out and everything is pretty much fine now. I'm still a little bit upset I guess, but now we have both seen the situation a little more from each other's sides. He understands why I was upset, and I understand more about why he didn't think it was such a big deal. I think he'll react differently in the future, and I'm more on my way to "getting over it" than I thought I would be. I'm glad we finally talked about it.
Thanks to those who have been supportive or who have given CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,727,010 times
Reputation: 41381
OP, I think you are within reason to be a little upset. Happy y'all talked it out. From your husbands perspective, I don't consider having a wasted flirty female friend on my lap fun. Just read my NYE thread for personal experience.
I am seeing a guy and this female came up who was giving me attitude and all over him. She is an "old friend" of his.
As I have green eyes I said something to him, like, "whats her problem" he goes "nothing, I don't know, why"
there was no lap sitting but she did sit next to him while I was on the other side.
I said, and I was a bit squiffy, "she acts like she's got a mortgage" which is Australian for she acts like she owns him somehow. And its true, that's the feeling I get. This woman has even walked in on us having sex haha...she just bowled straight into his house then into his bedroom while we lay frozen hoping she'd think no one was home.
All a bit bizarre and I really don't appreciate it but he comes home with me and she's no competition at all, even on a good day.
and I realize also, if she wants to behave like a cant, there is absolutely nothing HE can do about it or is willing to do about it either...its essentially My Problem if I let it bother me.
I think the OP has a certain level of justification, that being said we don't know in real life how much she showed her anger/jealousy.
I do think that the BF shouldn't let it go on too far and let it get out of hand....a little friendly flirting or whatever can be harmless, if he's sportin wood and takes it to the next level, well, that's another story.
Violence (as in punching the woman) probably would have made things a lot worse and reflect badly on you... more so than the drunk woman in your husband's lap.
Whether you are upset or not.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
