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Thank you guys for your advice
We're getting married in a year from now, and I hope that by following your advice, we can make it work. Despite everything, I'm completely convinced that she wants this as much as I do.
You should be questioning the marriage decision, not barging full speed ahead. This relationship isn't in a state that would encourage marriage, currently. Maybe you should just ask her if she's still into the marriage gig, and if she's shocked and asks why you ask, tell her why you're having some doubts. Then see what she says.
I just want you guys' advice on one last thing, before I make any decision.
Do you guys think it's acceptable for your significant other to not want to get intimate with you. She always tells me how tired she is from her job and keeps asking me to be understanding, and that she's waiting for the "right time". I told her, everyone has a crappy job that tires them out, but then they go home, and show love and affection towards their partner. Basically, if she keeps waiting for the "right time" to get intimate, then we're not going to do it for a long time. I'm just sick and tired of basically having to beg for sex and intimacy. Am I expecting too much from her when I expect her to come home, and show me that she's still attracted to me? Is it really that unreasonable of me to get upset when we go weeks with no sex (and it doesn't seem to bother her), or to get upset when every time I try to initiate it feels like she's doing me a favour, instead of doing something she craves and wants as much as I do?
I've tried backing off, and not initiating anything, just to see what she'd say, and after three weeks, she still hasn't said anything. She seems perfectly fine with it, and just simply can't understand why I'm in a bad mood and why I keep bringing up sex.
This, maybe more than any of my other complaints, is one of my biggest problems.
It's gotten to the point where I lie down next to her at night, and not a single sexy or romantic thought goes through my mind (when it used to be that simply being alone in the same room with her turned me on and made me wan to be all sexy and romantic).
I'm pretty much 100% sure that she's not seeing another guy or anything because we keep in touch pretty much all day, and in a way, I'd be less insulted if she was interested in another guy. At least I'd know she feels some need for intimacy, but as things stand now, I feel like I'm engaged to one of the few people on earth who simply don't give a flying f**k about sex and intimacy. And the worst part is that I don't even know if it's because she doesn't find me attractive, or because she's simply too lazy to have sex.
Is there *any* way to make her see this?
Ok, look, OP.
Picture your life EXACTLY LIKE IT IS NOW, and maybe sometimes a bit worse, for the rest of your life.
That is a very real scenario for you.
Your relationship SUCKS right now, and you certainly do not need to marry this woman. You BOTH have a LOT to learn about marriage, and believe me, it would begin and end with your list of "complaints."
Break it off. It cannot be fixed, unless you both go to intensive counseling for a long time. And you should not have to start off a lifetime that way.
Three years and she's already acting like she gave up on the relationship and on intimacy? And this is who you want to live the rest of your life with? It will only get worse. And it sounds like she is more excited about the wedding than actually being with you. If she truly loved you, she would care way more about you and the wedding would just be a symbol of your love.
I just want you guys' advice on one last thing, before I make any decision.
Do you guys think it's acceptable for your significant other to not want to get intimate with you. She always tells me how tired she is from her job and keeps asking me to be understanding, and that she's waiting for the "right time". I told her, everyone has a crappy job that tires them out, but then they go home, and show love and affection towards their partner. Basically, if she keeps waiting for the "right time" to get intimate, then we're not going to do it for a long time. I'm just sick and tired of basically having to beg for sex and intimacy.
This isn't a relationship headed toward marriage. This isn't going to work. For whatever reason, she's no longer that into you. This is just another sign of it. Marriage will not magically fix everything, OP. While tiredness/hating one's job can be somewhat of a reason for not feeling like intimacy after a long day, there's always the weekends. If you two are having these problems now, it doesn't bode well at all for the future. Honestly, it sounds like there is no future for you two. Sorry you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. Good luck.
It's very doubtful that it'll get any better in the future if you continue as is now. She doesn't sound into this relationship right now, for whatever reason.
Talk to her and get it all worked out with her.
No one here knows either of you.
No one here can fix your issues with her.
Seek professional counseling for both of you if you think it will help.
Find someone who specializes in sexual issues.
I'm almost positive she is about to dump you. MOST Women won't tell a guy when they aren't into them anymore. Welcome to the dark side(being single) muhahahaha! At least beat her to it and dump her first!
Talk to her and get it all worked out with her.
No one here knows either of you.
No one here can fix your issues with her.
Seek professional counseling for both of you if you think it will help.
Find someone who specializes in sexual issues.
Well, you are right. We don't know the o.p. But we do recognize the situation he is in. Personally I don't think counseling is warranted. For a marriage, maybe. A specialist counselor? For daters? That's what they are. Fiancee is just a fancy term for advanced daters. Not worth the money. Either they fix things on their own or move on. .
Your fiancee is trying to get you to be the one to break it off. When you first described her sudden drop-off of interest, I thought maybe she was suffering mental/emotional problems like depression, even some hormonal or other medical issue. But someone struggling with depression would lose interest in friends, family, hobbies, etc. and not solely their romantic partner. You said she's doing things with her friends instead of you, and it sounds like she still has a relationship with her mom.
I've often seen couples who are gangbusters one day and then the next day one party completely retreats. This is because they met another person. I don't have enough info to say whether that's going on in your case, but I can tell you marriage isn't going to make an uninterested woman interested again. It's not going to change her sex drive or the nature of her job (does she even have a stressful job?). You described yourself as caring man who's working hard to please her...that is why she's finding it impossible to come right out and say her feelings. She can't handle the guilt or hurting you. The harder you work for the relationship, the guiltier she feels about wanting to end it. She is acting out the textbook behaviors people are told will drive their partner away.
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