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I guess because he blames everything including stealing her jewelry on his addiction. And he says that he will go to rehab, change, and become a preacher. Also this reasoning is why I have given him so many chances. But to my mom, she thinks he can't change and even if he did, she is done with him. Now that is the honest answer. But I'm not sure if she is overreacting.
And why do you think he stole?
What has he done to indicate to you that he will change for the better?
I need some honest advice at this stressful moment in my life. For the past 2.5 years, I have been involved with a guy who has not been the best person. I think that to fully explain my situation, I should share some of the things about him and some things we have been through in the past 2.5 years. Let’s call him Jim and I’ll be Ann. 1 – Jim left me(Ann) sitting outside of a hotel room for 2-3 hours while Jim was in another room with another woman. Jim had my car keys and our room key. After he came out, I found sexy photos of the other woman on his phone. Jim said he didn’t do anything and we stayed together. 2- Jim can't keep a job, didn’t graduate high school, he smokes weed, and from time to time he does heroin and crack. 3- Jim has been physically abusive to me and has stolen money from me numerous times. 4- Jim had a pregnancy scare where he thought he got another woman pregnant. Jim and I were still together at this time. 5- I saw on Jim’s Facebook that he was messaging another woman. I was able to trick the other woman into texting me, thinking that she was actually texting Jim. While acting like Jim, I told the other woman that I was really drunk and asked if we had sex. The lady is foreign and responded with, “We sleeping together. So?” But Jim denies that he is messing with this other woman. I have also heard from other people that he has cheated on me at other times. I think that is enough background….
It is hard for me to cut Jim out of my life. Jim doesn’t have much going on and I can’t really name any good things about our relationship. But Jim always tells me that he is going to go to rehab and become a preacher, how God really wants Jim and me to be together, and that we have been through so much because the devil doesn’t want Jim and me to be together. Jim says stuff that I want to hear, but I have been waiting 2.5 years for him to change and become this person. Also, Jim doesn’t even go to church. I have a friend who has said that there are things in my relationship that resemble emotional abuse like Invalidation, Gaslighting, Stockholm Syndrome, and Mean-Sweet Cycle. However I have to take what my friend says with a grain of salt because I know he likes me.….
Now to add more to the equation, my mom hates Jim. Over a year and a half ago, Jim had nowhere to live and my mom invited him to come live with my mom and me. While living with us, Jim cussed out my mom and stole my mom wedding rings and other jewelry. Jim denied this for 6 months and my mom thought that she just misplaced the jewelry. Well one night I was able to get Jim to admit to stealing the jewelry. My mom is a Christian, and she says that she forgives him, but that she can’t forget what Jim has done, and she doesn’t want me around him. For the past 10 months, I have been seeing Jim behind my families back, but for the past 2 weeks I haven’t been trying to call it off (I called it off because of the situation explained in #5). So I have been avoiding him, but he is trying to make up.
I am writing this because I want people’s honest opinions to these questions and/or my situation, no matter how harsh. Is my mom overreacting by wanting me not to be around him? Should I forgive him again? What is your overall opinion of my situation and what advice do you have?
So what happens to that part of your brain that is able to clearly type out all the bad things Jim does when you are with Jim? Does it just go into a coma state and is inaccessible?
I am writing this because I want people’s honest opinions to these questions and/or my situation, no matter how harsh. Is my mom overreacting by wanting me not to be around him? Should I forgive him again? What is your overall opinion of my situation and what advice do you have?
The one thing I can't figure out is what use you have for him at all? Don't you think you can perhaps do better?
I find it absolutely amazing that for the longest time I had zero luck finding a loyal, caring companion... all the while there are tons of women out there staying in abusive relationships with guys who don't love them
I find it absolutely amazing that for the longest time I had zero luck finding a loyal, caring companion... all the while there are tons of women out there staying in abusive relationships with guys who don't love them
It's a shameful mess, isn't it. OP could find someone so much better then that one. But then, there are those people who seek out the kinds of personalities that feed their insecurities etc. Her "comfort zone" so to speak. Maybe why the Op does not see the negative side of that person. We all do, because she should us that side.
We know her mother is NOT overreacting to the situation. I am a mother of adult children also. But at this point, all I can offer to them is my opinion, and support...if warranted.
Because you have GOT to believe you are scum of the earth to put up with a guy like that. That you're worthless and no good guy would like you.
Go explore that. I doubt it's really true and that you're probably a nice person who just thinks very poorly of herself.
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