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Yeah, I used to work with a lady who married her husband after about a month of dating. They were married many years but divorced due to financial problems. But she said she just knew he was the one. Sometimes you just know. I can't fathom that but hey...it's not unheard of.
I complete evaluations on the elderly. Most indicate they began courtship and were married a year after they met. These folks were married from 40-67 years. The only thing that got in the way was death. Marriage requires commitment. These folks would do the same thing with anyone else - they did not need the 'right' man or woman, the 'right' feelings, or the 'right' anything. It just requires commitment.
So much for the new generation ideas. Anecdotes can follow anyone, of a person marrying after so much time and divorcing. From what I see, it seems to be just fine if you desire to maintain a connection. I have seen this among many in this generation as well, from different walks of life. It just takes commitment.
People disparage arranged marriages. This is something else that requires commitment, and the idea that your partner will NOT be your 'all-in-all.' Marriage is not necessarily about love, it is about commitment. Let the disagreements begin.
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Originally Posted by ScarletG
Take off your rose colored glasses...many of those marriages only lasted that long because there were no options...especially forvwomen.
Arranged marriages work out in certain situations....but not when young women are treated as pawns, barging tools and simply chattel.....many only last because there are no other options.
Yes...marriage is about love...but love survives the hard times when it's there in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
Lol..by the time I knew my husband for a year we were married for 8 months and we're about to have our planned kid...still married after 22 years.
You may pretend...not everyone does.
However if one is not spot on sure they should take as much time as they need...but let's be honest (to use your phrase)....not everyone needs that much time.
Ma'am, no rose-colored glasses - among the remainder after 'the most' were a set of individuals who otherwise had used alternative options - they did divorce, their spouses did desert them, and they found ways of getting by. Not all were brilliant by any means, although their capacity for diligence in finding a way back from a bad marriage worked in their favor.
I respectfully disagree with your opinion as it would have been mine as well, had I not heard from others who had 'been there, done that, and got the T-shirt.' You cannot make revisions on history that is not your own. These persons made their own histories and did not listen to so-called social proscriptions against what was deemed proper. Additionally, I have sufficient personal experience that shows otherwise as well, but a good investigation of information allows all perspectives, ones you personally disagree with along with those you support. I have taken the feminist viewpoint in the past, so I am not biased in that regard against assertions of other ways or ideas that there wasn't sexism and misogyny. I am very aware of much of the work in civil rights. But in speaking for 'that generation,' from their viewpoint, they have seen it VERY differently from us, and from their perspective, there was harmony.
As far as love: love needs to be worked on as diligently as anything else. Love as an emotion can be nurtured, can be fostered, can be facilitated, and it will flourish when two people are committed to equal ideals. I appreciate your opinion as well, but my work in interviews and research doesn't bear out all you state and suggests complementary findings based on the information from the generation we are opining about regarding the oppressive matrix of fewer options. They saw it very differently and I am simply reflecting what their perceptions are. Your results may vary, and indeed, they do, but this is not to say it is all of what you state proscriptively. For those who lived it, in the time and the day, it was not all of what you describe, and some took a different road and still made it out OK, even by their own reckoning.
It's very sweet to want to propose so quickly. Couples presumably enter a marriage intending it to last a lifetime. If you are planning to spend the rest of your life with someone, is there really any harm in waiting to ask? Worst case scenario, you spent a bit less of your life as a married couple. If you actually learn in month 2 or 8 or 15 that your partner is not a suitable life partner, then you may have saved yourself from a lot of heartache and maybe an expensive divorce.
Maybe it is not romantic to say it, but marriage is more than a romantic pairing. I look at it as merger of two legal and financial entities and as with any merger, the requisite due diligence should be conducted. Are the entities compatible, will there be synergies, any potential culture mismatches, long-term liabilities? There are no wrong answers, but it is very important that you know the answers. Maybe it can be done in a month, but again, what's the harm in taking longer?
Does it and should it really take that long? I mean, I guess if you wear a blindfold all day long and don't know how people work, then maybe so. That would explain folks that date for years and get divorced pretty quickly.
People aren't that unqiue on the whole and it doesn't take a dentist to pull the necessary answers to the real burning questions.
Yes it does. Especially as we get older. We only have so much free time. You are kidding yourself if you think people put all there skeltons up at the first part of a relationship.
Thinking about it, in my early 20's it would be different then me in my early 40's.
With that said, I think its lack of impulse control and not thinking about it logically.
Is it good to propose to a woman after just ONE month of DATING?
I wouldn't do it, but that's just me.
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