Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I met a guy 8 months ago and we took getting to know each other slowly. We started off as friends. Things slowly progressed back in November and about a week later he became distant. He told me in December he didn't want to lead me on. A month later in January after we decided to stay friends, he decides he wants to start dating me. Things have now even progressed further, however we haven't slept together at all. I have met his friends and he told me I would meet his parents on Easter when they come from out of town. He has even told his mom about me.
He told me last night that he's unsure about his feelings and he doesn't know if he should stop dating me or if we should only be friends. I'm beyond furious with how he keeps doing this emotional rollercoaster thing with me. His BFF of 14 years is moving back to Illinois on Friday and I don't know if he's confused because of that or if he's scared about how much he feels for me. He knows how I feel and from his actions it's obvious he feels the same. Why is he having these doubts after one month of dating me? What can I do to let him know I don't want to go back to being his friend and that I'm happy with how the dating process is going?
As long as he is not sure of what he wants, you're going to be confused. He doesn't seem ready for a committed relationship. He would know if he did. There is really nothing you can do to make it any different except decide for yourself if you can put up with his ups and downs. After a while it will get tiresome.
It's a guy thing. They like confusing us women sometimes.
I don't think there is anything you can do but be his friend and that's it until he gets his s*** together.
Let me guess? You both are under 25 years of age? If so then you are not ready for a committed relationship. Also he is a smart guy, he wants to keep it open so if he find someone better he can move on to her. Don't take it personal, almost every guy does it.
I've gone down that path and promised commitment and i regret it! When you start getting committed you loose a lot of your freedoms and you have to take on responsibilities. As you get more committed the more responsibilities you take on.
It seems he's had more than ample time to figure out his feelings. If he had strong ones, he wouldn't be wondering. I think you're wasting your time with this guy - he's not going to suddenly do an about face and, if he did, he'd do it again and you'd be back where you started. I strongly advise you not to get in any deeper with someone who is not ready to commit to you (or probably to anyone).
Maybe he's so afraid that he isn't worthy of you that once you really get to know him that you won't like him. I've known guys that were totally inhibited. They didn't like the animal sexual urges they had and always seemed to withdraw when things got close. They are usually religious or have really strict upbringings. They also seem to think that anything to do with bodily functions is gross. He's afraid of himself. He probably even loathes that part of him.
Face it, he's emotionally stunted. I doubt it has anything to do with you. If you really like this guy you can probably work through all this stuff with him, but its going to take a lot of talking.
That's the "beauty" of baggage. I've been dealing with a man like that for over 2 years now. Call me a masochist, but...
He's terrific in terms of actions. He knows how I feel. And, honestly, it was only about a month ago that he actually spoke to me about his feelings. No, it wasn't a surprise, but, HELL, 2 years later????
There's no way to deal with it, other than to reassure him how you feel and let him come to you. It's hard. Trust me, I KNOW.
And, yes, it does get tiring. Just remember that these are HIS issues. Keep your wits about you. I'm not saying that you should be pessimistic about the relationship, but *do* keep in mind that you should be re-evaluating it on a regular basis. If the "cons" outweigh the "pros" from your standpoint, then it becomes time to make your serious choice.
Unfortunately, this is a situation where you have to look out for yourself. There are waaay too many of us who stayed in relationships with me "hoping and waiting" for them to change. They almost never do.
When a man knows what he wants, he goes after it. If he's not actively pursuing you he isn't certain of his feelings and do you really want to waste any more time with this man only to wake up a year later and find out he's decided you're not the one? Trust me on this one, been there/done that.
WOW - its this very reason I am sooo glad I am not out there in the dating world again.
Obviously you like him, but what is it about him you like? be honest with yourself its hard and we as women love to the whole nurtureing thing and lets face it...the closet thought process and we have all had is....
It's better to have someone 'sometimes' then be alone all the time, but on the flip side, we are all perfectly capable of making ourselves miserable, we dont actually need someone doing it for us.
So gently tell him, while he is busy making up his mind, your gonna have a looksie around town and see whats happening out in the world. AND actually go do it. Your not his girlfriend and your certainly not his wife. therefore there is no checking in and going over the what you did itinerary for the weekend.
Have dinner a movie and NO SEX.... nothing complicates an "I dont know what I want thought process" then sex..
After all, who really wants to be the "go to gal"? when what you really want is a man that compliments you and you him, and while your here being jerked around like bait on a hook while he "find himself" your not looking out for #1- that would be you.
Good luck and take care of you...you come first always..
When a man knows what he wants, he goes after it. If he's not actively pursuing you he isn't certain of his feelings and do you really want to waste any more time with this man only to wake up a year later and find out he's decided you're not the one? Trust me on this one, been there/done that.
Absolutely! It doesn't mean he's good for you by any means, but that's how it works. Sorry to disappoint you, but the book "He's not that into you" comes to mind... I've done plenty of dumb things in my life relationship-wise, but waiting around somebody to make up his mind whether he wants me or not is not one of them and it will never be. Can't even believe so many women bother with that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A month later in January after we decided to stay friends, he decides he wants to start dating me. Things have now even progressed further, however we haven't slept together at all. I have met his friends and he told me I would meet his parents on Easter when they come from out of town. He has even told his mom about me. 
