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you don't leave any room for negotiating for a potential friendship etc. pretty immature.
also if it has to do with height, body type etc. that is just flat out immature.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
What if it's something that CAN'T be changed? That would be hurtful.
Whenever someone has cooled it with me, I'd rather not know. I scratch my head for a while and then forget about it. Being told about something that can't be changed (height, body type, demographics, etc.) tends to leave me more resentful.
Any takes on "just disappear" or "be up front and hurt someone's feelings?"
I think the "just disappear" would be devastating. Not knowing is so much worse than knowing in any situation.
I agree, If you just disappear you are doing it because you didn't have the courage to tell the other person why it wasn't working. This has little to do with the other person's feelings but only your own. If you're concerned about the women, tell her the truth. I suspect it isn't going to be that she's too tall/short/light/dark whatever because you dated her in the first place.
Disappearing is all about you and your feelings. Not telling her because it may hurt her feelings is the excuse you've been telling yourself so that you don't feel like such a prick for doing it. Unfortunately, you're starting to believe it.
Last edited by LovelyinLa; 02-23-2008 at 04:12 PM..
Reason: spelling
also if it has to do with height, body type etc. that is just flat out immature.
It's not, Art, you can't dictate logic to the pituitary gland. Again, just like everyone is entitled to tall, short, thin, stocky, rich, poor, middle class, Anglo blueblood, third world refugee, whatever flips their switch...this is a personal taste issue.
To be more crass, you don't ^%&# someone's personality. Sorry, the initial pull is in fact the physical attraction. There are scads of books, not to mention psychological research, that support this. Animals mate based on how they react to "pheronmones." We are animals, albeit sophisticated ones. In fact, the articles on findings surrounding attraction are always interesting and somewhat amusing. (Sidebar: sometimes I wish I had opted to be a psychologist).
My mistake is that I should NOT have let it go past friend status from the very beginning. My mistake. I haven't done this mistaken often, and I don't like doing it, because the down side (i.e. getting out of it) is not fun.
Light bulb goes on: She did have part of the reason for the "disapperance." She talked about kids a lot. I told her I wanted NONE-ZILCH. She started to cry. I told her I was past the age (my threshold for this is about 35) that I wanted rugrats around. She was/still is 5 or 6 younger than me. I occupied less than 6 months of her time, so she could hopefully look for that person that would enjoy children with her.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 02-23-2008 at 05:48 PM..
It's not, Art, you can't dictate logic to the pituitary gland. Again, just like everyone is entitled to tall, short, thin, stocky, rich, poor, middle class, Anglo blueblood, third world refugee, whatever flips their switch...this is a personal taste issue.
To be more crass, you don't ^%&# someone's personality. Sorry, the initial pull is in fact the physical attraction. There are scads of books, not to mention psychological research, that support this. Animals mate based on how they react to "pheronmones." We are animals, albeit sophisticated ones. In fact, the articles on findings surrounding attraction are always interesting and somewhat amusing. (Sidebar: sometimes I wish I had opted to be a psychologist).
My mistake is that I should NOT have let it go past friend status from the very beginning. My mistake. I haven't done this mistaken often, and I don't like doing it, because the down side (i.e. getting out of it) is not fun.
Light bulb goes on: She did have part of the reason for the "disapperance." She talked about kids a lot. I told her I wanted NONE-ZILCH. She started to cry. I told her I was past the age (my threshold for this is about 35) that I wanted rugrats around. She was/still is 5 or 6 younger than me. I occupied less than 6 months of her time, so she could hopefully look for that person that would enjoy children with her.
Not wanting children is a bonafide reason to end a relationship. I don't think anyone can disagree with that. What's wrong with saying that? If anything it wouldn't hurt her feelings to hear that she'll just have to learn that going forward she'll have to ask these questions prior to getting serious.
The crying thing is a total turn off, I'll give you that as well. Anyway, I went through this not to long ago so I'm not picking on you. Just trying to understand the "just disappear" mentality.
He's just not that into you. Stop trying to make more of the relationship than what's really there and move on.
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