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Sometimes it is that he's not convinced he's completely into you. That's happened to me. I've known a few women that we're really great, but not enough for me to commit to them long-term because a few major checklist items were missing...it's not important as to what they are. What I've done is cool it down and break it off, never wanting to tell them the reason because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. In my mind, that is the best way to do it. You have to turn around and not look back. It is both uncool and dishonorable to be a yo-yo.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 02-20-2008 at 11:59 PM..
WOW - its this very reason I am sooo glad I am not out there in the dating world again.
Obviously you like him, but what is it about him you like? be honest with yourself its hard and we as women love to the whole nurtureing thing and lets face it...the closet thought process and we have all had is....
It's better to have someone 'sometimes' then be alone all the time, but on the flip side, we are all perfectly capable of making ourselves miserable, we dont actually need someone doing it for us.
So gently tell him, while he is busy making up his mind, your gonna have a looksie around town and see whats happening out in the world. AND actually go do it. Your not his girlfriend and your certainly not his wife. therefore there is no checking in and going over the what you did itinerary for the weekend.
Have dinner a movie and NO SEX.... nothing complicates an "I dont know what I want thought process" then sex..
After all, who really wants to be the "go to gal"? when what you really want is a man that compliments you and you him, and while your here being jerked around like bait on a hook while he "find himself" your not looking out for #1- that would be you.
Good luck and take care of you...you come first always..
[ What I've done is cool it down and break it off, never wanting to tell them the reason because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. In my mind, that is the best way to do it. You have to turn around and not look back. It is both uncool and dishonorable to be a yo-yo.[/quote]
I don't know if it is the best way or not. I know men have told me when the shoe is on the other foot that they would rather the woman just be honest with them instead of them wondering why they just "cooled it."
I met a guy 8 months ago and we took getting to know each other slowly. We started off as friends. Things slowly progressed back in November and about a week later he became distant. He told me in December he didn't want to lead me on. A month later in January after we decided to stay friends, he decides he wants to start dating me. Things have now even progressed further, however we haven't slept together at all. I have met his friends and he told me I would meet his parents on Easter when they come from out of town. He has even told his mom about me.
He told me last night that he's unsure about his feelings and he doesn't know if he should stop dating me or if we should only be friends. I'm beyond furious with how he keeps doing this emotional rollercoaster thing with me. His BFF of 14 years is moving back to Illinois on Friday and I don't know if he's confused because of that or if he's scared about how much he feels for me. He knows how I feel and from his actions it's obvious he feels the same. Why is he having these doubts after one month of dating me? What can I do to let him know I don't want to go back to being his friend and that I'm happy with how the dating process is going?
I don't know if it is the best way or not. I know men have told me when the shoe is on the other foot that they would rather the woman just be honest with them instead of them wondering why they just "cooled it."
What if it's something that CAN'T be changed? That would be hurtful.
Whenever someone has cooled it with me, I'd rather not know. I scratch my head for a while and then forget about it. Being told about something that can't be changed (height, body type, demographics, etc.) tends to leave me more resentful.
Any takes on "just disappear" or "be up front and hurt someone's feelings?"
It sounds like some space and time might be best for you both and your relationship (whatever that ends up being). There is no reason to allow your emotions to ride this rollercoaster of his making. Whether his intentions are good and he's just legitimately confused or he's intentionally playing some kind of weird game will tell itself in the end. In the meantime, if you care about your friendship which you would want to preserve if you end up romantically.... you need some space. Your relationship hasn't progressed to a sexual one yet, so it's possible to take a step back and give your friendship some time for him to make a decision as to what road he wants to take. In the meantime, do make sure you're honest about what you want, but that you don't want to be mislead. Explain when he's positive if he'd like to try taking things to another level, you'd be all for it. In the meantime, you value your friendship.
Things have now even progressed further, however we haven't slept together at all.
If you want to see his hand, you have to play all your cards.
If you play your aces and it turns out that he was just bluffing, shuffle the deck and deal again.
What if it's something that CAN'T be changed? That would be hurtful.
Whenever someone has cooled it with me, I'd rather not know. I scratch my head for a while and then forget about it. Being told about something that can't be changed (height, body type, demographics, etc.) tends to leave me more resentful.
Any takes on "just disappear" or "be up front and hurt someone's feelings?"
I think the "just disappear" would be devastating. Not knowing is so much worse than knowing in any situation.
I think the "just disappear" would be devastating. Not knowing is so much worse than knowing in any situation.
What if it's something that is IMPOSSIBLE for one to change? If you were told, you might become self-conscious about it. Do you need that? I don't think anyone, male or female, needs to be dealt some kind of a complex.
Change? It's not about change. You would be courageous and tell her whatever you want to tell her, but you would tell her something. I guess I would need an example(s) from you.
I mean if you are not interested in the person anymore, it would be best to tell them that you're not ready for an exclusive relationship. Simple.
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A month later in January after we decided to stay friends, he decides he wants to start dating me. Things have now even progressed further, however we haven't slept together at all. I have met his friends and he told me I would meet his parents on Easter when they come from out of town. He has even told his mom about me. 
