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I've been dating this woman now for 4 months or so. We enjoy each others' company and she always looks forward to seeing me, she seems excited whenever I ask her out, and she always says what a great guy I am and how much I am what she's looking for. She talks about me with her friends who also seem to think I'm pretty cool. So far so good.
But when I saw her a few days ago she seemed annoyed so I asked her what the problem was. She said that I don't seem interested in her romantically. I said of course I'm interested in you that way.
I asked her what it was that gave her that idea and she said that I never do anything romantic with her and I seem to treat her more like just a friend. It was very confusing because we've been to the beach, we've spent evenings outside in my garden looking at the stars and listening to music, and we've spent evenings at her place or my place cooking together and watching movies. What's not romantic about any of that? Just last week we went to a nice cafe in town watching the world go by and we had a really good time.
I mentioned all of this to her and she responded by saying that I don't make much of an effort. Usually we're very affectionate but this time she said that she feels like I'm taking advantage of her. None of this makes any sense.
I don't even know where to begin. What's going on? What's the problem here? Nothing she has said makes any sense to me at all.
It's difficult to read minds, isn't it? And with some people, if you ask straight out, they get annoyed too because "you should know." But that's what you're going to have to do, I guess. Tell her you're at a loss and ask what she would consider a romantic date. Maybe she wants a private table at a 4 star restaurant with champagne. May she just wants flowers. Hard to say. It sounds like you've been doing fine to me, but different people have different notions.
I'd ask her how she defines romance, but I dont know if I'd want to bother after her comment about if you understood women you'd know what she means. If she has something to say, she needs to say it, not make you guess.
It sounds like the issue of what kind of 'Love Language" she speaks. I didn't read that book (% Love Languages) but people have different ways of feeling loved/cared for by someone: Buying gifts, spending quality time, physical connection, acts of service? Can't remember the other one. Anyway, the above posters are right, she needs to give you concrete examples of what she needs. Sounds like communication may be an issue with you guys. I'm kind of in a similar situation, so I look forward to seeing other replies here. Good luck!
I'd ask her how she defines romance, but I dont know if I'd want to bother after her comment about if you understood women you'd know what she means. If she has something to say, she needs to say it, not make you guess.
You haven't made a move on her. That's what's going on. Some women like a guy who goes slowly, like you do. Sitting under the stars, and all that. Others, by month 3 or 4 of dating (if not earlier), want the guy to get on with it, already.
You haven't made a move on her. That's what's going on. Some women like a guy who goes slowly, like you do. Sitting under the stars, and all that. Others, by month 3 or 4 of dating (if not earlier), want the guy to get on with it, already.
I have. We've had plenty of sex. Now she doesn't want to, she says I'm taking advantage of her.
I have. We've had plenty of sex. Now she doesn't want to, she says I'm taking advantage of her.
hmm..... OK. Well, let's look at another possibility. She said you don't make much effort. Reviewing your date scenarios, it looks like you tend to take her on free dates, or virtually free dates. Maybe that's what she means...? Maybe "making effort" was code for spending money? Or alternatively, maybe she meant something about planning the date. The beach, her place, your place--they don't take much planning. Maybe she'd like something more elaborate? A country drive leading to an outdoor concert, followed by lunch or dinner? or any date more eventful than going to the beach or hanging out at home (hers or yours)? Dinner and a show? Is she looking to be wined and dined?
Well, when all else fails, communicate, I always say. Tell her you really care for her, and that her statement that you don't seem to be too into her has thrown you for a loop. Ask for clarification.
Sounds like she's one of these broads who expects you to kiss her ass. Yes, I said 'broad'. I don't respect women who are into that 'the rulebook says the man must do THIS' BS.
I'd tell her to keep it moving and find someone more chump-like.
hmm..... OK. Well, let's look at another possibility. She said you don't make much effort. Reviewing your date scenarios, it looks like you tend to take her on free dates, or virtually free dates. Maybe that's what she means...? Maybe "making effort" was code for spending money? Or alternatively, maybe she meant something about planning the date. The beach, her place, your place--they don't take much planning. Maybe she'd like something more elaborate? A country drive leading to an outdoor concert, followed by lunch or dinner? or any date more eventful than going to the beach or hanging out at home (hers or yours)? Dinner and a show? Is she looking to be wined and dined?
Well, when all else fails, communicate, I always say. Tell her you really care for her, and that her statement that you don't seem to be too into her has thrown you for a loop. Ask for clarification.
But why should I do those things? I give her my time and we have fun. What's the point of all that other stuff?
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But that's what you're going to have to do, I guess. Tell her you're at a loss and ask what she would consider a romantic date. Maybe she wants a private table at a 4 star restaurant with champagne. May she just wants flowers. Hard to say. It sounds like you've been doing fine to me, but different people have different notions.
