Why is 'cheating' such a big deal to the average person? (wife, long distance)
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I'll start out by saying I'm not cheating on anyone nor have I ever, so I'm not looking to justify any behaviour. Also I'm 27, male, if it matters. Anyway, I'm just wondering about why people find it such a serious thing. I don't think I've ever been cheated on before (ie. a partner having sex with someone without my knowledge) but truthfully I don't think it'd bother me. I've always thought this, even after a childhood where my father cheated on my mother repeatedly before finally leaving her for good.
I mean, I'd prefer my partner not to 'cheat' but the only thing I'd be mad about is the possibility of being unknowlingly exposed to some sexual disease. The thought of a partner engaging in the actual physical act with someone else does not upset me. What would bother me is the worry that this partner is then going to go off and have a relationship with the third party and leave me all alone. However, the impression I get is that the actual act of sex etc. itself is a major thing to other people. I'm wondering why.
If you google it you'll find people saying things like 'It's a betrayal' and so on, but they never say why, just state that it is. I actually think it could be healthy for a relationship; I bet fewer marriages would end in divorce if the husband or wife could occasionally have a bit of variety. In fact I'd go as far as saying that the ultimate sign of someone being secure in their relationship is that they'd be comfortable with their partner having sex with someone else, knowing they'd still be with you you and love you. What say you?
If you google it you'll find people saying things like 'It's a betrayal' and so on, but they never say why, just state that it is. I actually think it could be healthy for a relationship; I bet fewer marriages would end in divorce if the husband or wife could occasionally have a bit of variety. In fact I'd go as far as saying that the ultimate sign of someone being secure in their relationship is that they'd be comfortable with their partner having sex with someone else, knowing they'd still be with you you and love you. What say you?
YOu need to be in an open relationship, then. In a relationship where there's an expectation of sexual and emotional exclusivity, one partner having sex with someone else is breaking the rules. That's why it's deceit and betrayal.
Perfect example of what I was talking about. Just told that it's bad, no explanation why.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
YOu need to be in an open relationship, then. In a relationship where there's an expectation of sexual and emotional exclusivity, one partner having sex with someone else is breaking the rules. That's why it's deceit and betrayal.
And for some additional information, I'm in a long distance relationship that became 'open' a couple of months ago, and my girfriend did have sex with someone else, and no, I'm not affected by knowing that. After she did that I also had sex with someone else, but that did bother her.
I suppose what I'm really asking is, why is that exclusivity so important to people?
YOu need to be in an open relationship, then. In a relationship where there's an expectation of sexual and emotional exclusivity, one partner having sex with someone else is breaking the rules. That's why it's deceit and betrayal.
This.
Either that, or just remain single and have sex with as many people as you want.
Perfect example of what I was talking about. Just told that it's bad, no explanation why.
And for some additional information, I'm in a long distance relationship that became 'open' a couple of months ago, and my girfriend did have sex with someone else, and no, I'm not affected by knowing that. After she did that I also had sex with someone else, but that did bother her.
I suppose what I'm really asking is, why is that exclusivity so important to people?
An open relationship is totally different.
If you were ever cheated on, you would know why. The explanation that you're looking for?
You find out that the person you love enough to give your whole self to has been lying to you. The 'being with someone else" is not actually as bad as the anger that comes from finding out they have been lying to you about where they were and how they felt.
Then there's the embarrassment of thinking back to remember what you were doing while they were cheating. You feel like a fool.
The "sex with someone else," as you imagine her with another guy who wasn't necessarily ok with you, only makes the anger and pain from the lying hurt that much worse.
Because they are emotionally invested in a monogamous relationship which is normal in my opinion. If a person isn't at least a little upset that they found their partner cheating on them I would think they really didn't care about their partner that much IMHO.
Because they are emotionally invested in a monogamous relationship which is normal in my opinion. If a person isn't at least a little upset that they found their partner cheating on them I would think they really didn't care about their partner that much IMHO.
Pretty much.....if you have no actual emotions about a person you are in a relationship with....who cares what they do.
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