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I have been wondering if I am different when it comes to having a relationship with a person and eventually becoming a couple.
I am a man, 21 years old. I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. Physical pleasure has never been a motive for me to get a girlfriend. I have always wanted a real relationship. To really know each other, share our lives, care about each other, etc. I have had many chances to kiss a girl and all that stuff, but as I said, not my thing. There are girls who have liked me, but I dont like them back. And I think it is wrong to be with someone just because you can, or to stop feeling alone. I am not the ugly boy who wants just any girl to be his girlfriend just to feel okay. I want to be with someone I truly like, feel something towards her.
So far that may be normal, but this is where my doubts start. I rarely, rarely like a girl. Like REALLY LIKE. I may say like "Hey, thats a pretty girl", but I wont like her enough to want to be with her. In my life, I have only liked like 2 or 3 girls. My problem is that I NEVER have had the chance to speak to them and start a friendship. I know the process, in theory. And the point is, that this "liking her", is more like a "wanting her/loving her". I know, you will say "How can you love a girl when you dont even know her name?". Well, that is what I would like to know too. I have never been in a relationship, so I dont know how true love could possible feel. But this "feel" is the cloest thing I have ever felt for a woman. And this "feel" lasts for years!! Right now I liked a girl who I saw when I was 18 years old. I am 21 now. She studies in the same university. I see it from time to time. And boy, you have no idea how I feel. It is extreme anxiety. I immediatly move my head away. One part of me wants to see her, but my rational part says "just forget her, why suffer for a woman you dont even know? She doesnt care about you". I want to clarify that I dont have social anxiety. I can talk in public, present works in front of the whole class, talk to anyone, EXCEPT for the girl that I like. I am a mature person, I think. In almost every aspect of my life. But when it comes to the girl I like, I feel like a kid in 6th grade. It is a feeling that I just cannot control. I feel it burns me from the inside. I tremble, cant think, I stutter, etc. And I wonder: "Why?. Why I can do basically anything I want, but behave in front of the woman I like? Am I the only man who feels like this around the girl I like? Why can I not control it? Why do I see men who speak just fine to the girl they like, but I by just seeing her lose control of my mind?"
So I have liked a girl who doesnt care about me for years now, and even if I try to forget her, I cant. Just time seems to lessen what I feel for her. And the problem is that when I finally stop feeling something for her, years will pass until I like other girl the same way. And then, I wont have the chance to meet her, and even if I do, I will just behave like an idiot because my mind goes berserk. Loving again I girl I dont know anything about. Rinse and repeat.
This has been my romantic life so far. It never bothered me much because when I was in highschool I had many friends, so I never felt too lonely. But now that I am in the university, 21, never have kissed a girl... It all starts to add together.
I tried speaking to this one girl in college, and it went terribly wrong. I was too nervous, couldnt think, I stutter, etc. I know it may sound weird to approach a girl randomly, but put yourself in my position. I was, or should I say am, tired of this. I just wanted to try. A leap of faith. Her friends made fun of me for quite sometime. They laughed right on my face. It felt bad. Why? I just want a partner. I see men who treat their girlfriends bad, and yet they have a girlfriend. But me, who didnt have any bad intentions, get laughed at. Not fair. This made me feel resentment against women. Offcourse, I know not every girl is like this, and it is irrational.
What should I do? How do the rest of people start a relationship? As I said, I think that being with someone you dont truly like is morally wrong. If you know who Dante Allighieri is, then you may know who Beatriz is too. Dante was in love of a girl, Beatriz, and he never even talked to her. All he did was to salute her from time to time. He describes this in a book called Vita Nuova. If you have read it, you know what I am talking about. Being obsessed with a girl you dont know. Extreme anxiety around her. How do I overcome this? Should I change? I have had some female friends, for years. But I have never felt anything towards them. If I dont like a girl right from the start, I just cant. I cry while I write this. I just want a girl who tells me she loves me, worries about me, cares if I get home or not, hugs me.
sounds like you are running scared,,,no matter how you rationalize this,,,,you don't want to expose yourself,,,or take a risk,,,for fear of getting hurt
all guys go thru this....at different levels...
you have protected yourself up to this point.....almost to the point you are an island,,,, but islands get cold..
if im in your shoes..... id do 3 things.....
first,,,, just try to ge many female friends,,,keep it light ,,,whether you just study together,,,or just hanging,,,this is good social practice....
2... you are picking out queens and putting them on a pedestal so high you cant even approach them...
you need to stop this ... they aren't queens, they have there burdens in life, they might also appreciate a fried,,,,and not being treated like a queen...just based on looks
3.. when I was 16 my father gave me good advice,,,,don't be chasing the queens,,, befriend the friendly girls,
4 my last advice,,,,which no one will agree,,,is hire an escort,,,,and go out on a date,,,tell her your situation..
walk hand in hand in a park.....
this is great practice,,,,since you've never been on a date,,,you wont embarrass yourself ,,,you have genuine fear,,,,all guys do of failure,, im not advocating sleeping with her,,,just a couple simulation dates,,,
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