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I think the OP needs to take a serious look into herself and question WHY she wanted this so badly, knowing she would have declined and that her car was nearby.
THIS is a symptom of the very thing so many guys bring up. While the OP herself may be perfectly courteous and might never do such a thing, guys out there ARE being given the cold shoulder when they attempt to behave in gentlemanly fashion. Not all guys, and not by all women; but it's enough it merits consideration.
Why, OP, must men stick to "the forms" while women are free to reject said forms openly?
Now typically Chowhound and I tend to agree on a lot of stuff, but I've reached an age and a level of experience where others may clamour that I'm allowing bad behavior on the part of others to influence me, while I feel I need not put forth extra expenditure of time or effort to prove to someone who doesn't give two farts about me who I really am:
Oh, NO fair lady who rejected me less than politely, I shan't fail in MY gentlemanly duties! I shall insist on walking thee to thy carriage, of cert, lest thou should find thyself beset by ill-mannered hooligans! 'Tis past the hour of vespers and we know not what villainous cretins may lurk in umber'd corner!
"No, I mean it. I'm fine."
But--
"No means no."
I've reached a point where if it's dark outside and the area isn't well-lit, I'll make the offer. Around here, the formula still applies: If she's not interested in me, she's not interested in my escort.
Further, from a woman's POV, she's not interested in me seeing her car, possibly taking her license number and performing internet witchery in order to stalk her to her home. Or doing a Captain Kirk judo chop to her neck and foisting her in the trunk while I take her keys.
WOULD I do such a thing? No. But let's get real here, once a woman decides she's not interested in you, you stop being a prospective mate. At best you're a passing acquaintance, at worst ANY possible sort of creep she met in a bar (or in my case, a bookstore). She had a conversation with you, it doesn't mean she knows you and it doesn't mean she wants you around any longer. Good day, sir. I said good day!
I'll admit, I stand and watch until any woman gets to her vehicle, or walk to my own while keeping an eye -- but it's enough. When I offer and she says no, she's a free woman, and my social equal, and thus self-accountable. On her head be it.
I know that comes across as bleak and somewhat misogynistic, but I assure you, it's not.
What it is... is tired.
IDK I think you are way overthinking this, just simply walking a woman to her car is not going to make or break a man, that's all. A man can also kill you when you go on a date with him, does that mean a woman should never go on a date with a man? What I'm trying to say is you can't live your life imagining the worst possible scenario will happen every time you step outside your house.
And as a women let me just say, whether we're interested in a man or not I truly believe most women would appreciate a man walking them to her car, or at least offering. I've never heard any of my girlfriends complain to me about a guy offering to walk them to their car after a date, however I have heard complaints where the man didn't.
Did you offer to walk them to their car? Why should they walk you to your car?
Besides for safety reasons I would not want someone I don't know well walking me to my car.
Make your dates earlier.
Because I'm a woman, and a woman is more likely to be attacked than a man when she's alone, that's why.
I'm not concerned about a man I've just spent 2 hours talking to knowing what car I drive, unless he's a cop there's not much he can find with a license plate.
Making dates earlier is a bit tough on people who have 9-5 jobs and don't live in the same city as their potential dates. And weekend afternoons don't work for me either, since I work a weekend job as well.
Actually, I think I addressed that one pretty clearly. Equality as a movement has been SOOOOOOOO much more than "equal pay" for nearly my entire life, and I'm 48 in a couple of days.
Holding doors: I can't tell you how many times over my life I've been chewed out for holding them.
Walking a woman somewhere: I already cited that. Lots more incidents, but it gets redundant.
Taking a woman's hand to 'help' her from a chair or car: If she's not interested, it generally spells nasty looks.
Holding or pulling a woman's chair: It gets you weird and even resentful looks.
Some stupid women out there. One can have equal protection under the law and equal pay for equal work and still enjoy, and reciprocate, the social niceties on a date. The two have nothing to do with one another. If anything, dating is where social niceties fit best and matter most. Dating is a social situation in which one has an opportunity to demonstrate both affection and, even if there is none, dare I say it, a good upbringing. At the very least, a woman can be gracious and say, "Thank you. I've got this, but thank you. I appreciate it."
But I think it's a big to-do about nothing. Let a guy be nice to you. He'll be farting on your couch in his underwear soon enough. (All in good fun!)
And a thing that really irritates me is, I usually have my meetups in the evening after 8pm, so by the time we leave the place it's usually around 10pm, only one of out of these 3 men walked me to my car (my car never being more than a block away) which I find incredibly rude, whether you're interested or not. And for those who say a woman may not want you to walk her to her car, that maybe true, but it never hurts to ask. To be honest I probably would've told them its not necessary (the one guy insisted, but then again he was a cop), but I feel as though at 10pm on a non busy street a man should at least offer to walk a woman to her car. Any other women find this annoying? Or am I the only unreasonable one? lol
I never have expectations. Why?
If the date didn't pan out I wouldn't expect him to offer to walk me to my car.... and I wouldn't agree to meet a date in a sketchy area a block away from a cemetery either.
You said that your car was less than a block away and you probably would have declined. Why are you ticked about not being offered something you didn't really want?
Because women love attention from men and love even more to decline any offer of assistance and declare that they are capable of taking care of themselves. I think "chivalry" to women is dying a very accelerated death.
I never have expectations. Why?
If the date didn't pan out I wouldn't expect him to offer to walk me to my car.... and I wouldn't agree to meet a date in a sketchy area a block away from a cemetery either.
The place we went to was actually a cool spot, it happens to be across from around the corner from cemetery, which doesn't really bother me....but I just think the right and gentlemanly thing to do would've have been to offer to walk me, or just walk me to my car, and even if there was no cemetery I'd be lying if I said I didn't think he should've offered.
Basic politeness would dictate that the guys at least offer to walk you to your car.
I realize we live in this hyper politically correct times now and women are all equal to men in every facet of life, blah blah blah.
The real deal is is that women are smaller, and in general less able to fend off an assault, so ignoring the PC police and simply make an effort to help ensure her safety would be a nice thing, right???
The problem also stems from people basically being selfish and not bothering, because as you've said, a couple of the guys there was no mutual attraction and they probably figured that they'd never see you again, so why bother, there's nothing in it for them.
Sort of sad times in that respect, people not bothering.... to me it's just good "neighborly" family values to try and help look out for others.
I got that sense, too.
Do it because it's the right thing to do, not because you think you're going to get something or because you like someone. Just because you don't hit it off with someone romantically, that doesn't mean the person is any less of a human being. The mark of a true gentleman, or lady, is that the person treats everyone with dignity, even those the person has no intention of seeing again.
IDK I think you are way overthinking this, just simply walking a woman to her car is not going to make or break a man, that's all. A man can also kill you when you go on a date with him, does that mean a woman should never go on a date with a man? What I'm trying to say is you can't live your life imagining the worst possible scenario will happen every time you step outside your house.
And as a women let me just say, whether we're interested in a man or not I truly believe most women would appreciate a man walking them to her car, or at least offering. I've never heard any of my girlfriends complain to me about a guy offering to walk them to their car after a date, however I have heard complaints where the man didn't.
I've started to think you're under-thinking it, but I guess we'll just agree to disagree.
EDIT: That came off more curt than I meant it to.
You asked not just a question, but a detailed question. In a forum. Regarding your thoughts on how chivalry seems to fall by the wayside so easily.
I expounded on those, reciprocating with my thoughts on why this might happen, how it could come to happen more and more over time, and I responded toward women in general, not you specifically.
That's how an internet forum works... or doesn't. I didn't overthink, I just thought. And I apologize for my initial remark seeming flippant (which I know it did).
NOW we can just agree to disagree, go our separate ways. Unless you parked your laptop across from a cemetery, in which case...
Since April I've met about 6 guys off an online dating site. I was attracted to/interested in 3 out of the 6, and the attraction/interest was mutual. The other 3 (the last one being this past Friday night), I tried my best to be polite and hold an interesting conversation for the most part even though I knew there would be no future dates as there was no interest, on my part at least. However what I find interesting is that these 3 men who I had no interest in seemed to be not interested in me as well. Which is fine but a bit weird as I often hear stories of quite the opposite where people are interested in someone however the other doesn't feel the same and vice versa. While I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, these men have been considerably less physically attractive then the other 3 men who were interested in me. While I don't think looks are everything and I do place more emphasis on personality, I found these men to lack a sense of humor and have somewhat of a dry personality as well. So I was wondering, are these guys not interested in me because I come across as uninterested in them (without realizing it)? Again I try to be the best date possible, even if I am not interested, however when I'm not interested I have noticed I ask less questions, and don't really flirt at whatsoever.
And a thing that really irritates me is, I usually have my meetups in the evening after 8pm, so by the time we leave the place it's usually around 10pm, only one of out of these 3 men walked me to my car (my car never being more than a block away) which I find incredibly rude, whether you're interested or not. And for those who say a woman may not want you to walk her to her car, that maybe true, but it never hurts to ask. To be honest I probably would've told them its not necessary (the one guy insisted, but then again he was a cop), but I feel as though at 10pm on a non busy street a man should at least offer to walk a woman to her car. Any other women find this annoying? Or am I the only unreasonable one? lol
I'm thinking maybe the fact that you weren't really into them was made painfully obvious. Would it have been good manners to walk you anyway... I guess, but if the dates were lousy they probably didn't see much of a point. Kind of sucks, but what can you do?
Honestly, I don't think I ever had a date not walk me to the door or the car. Probably a combination of manners and hoping for a good night kiss.
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