Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If it comes down to respect. Ok, we have different opinions. Can you acknowledge the differences? Are you going to accept the differences?
There comes a point where, on an individual basis, the point becomes moot. Ok, I am not asking you to change your mind, can you do the same for me? If you can, yes, the relationship can work.
I can think of several relationships that work, even with differing religious or political views.
Some people aren't so politically inclined that they mind their significant other having different views. Some are. You need to ask yourself how important this issue is for you.
I have some experience on the matter. I dated a conservative years ago, although when he first approached me and found out I was pretty liberal, he called himself an "independent." We only dated for a few months, but in that time I learned how very lock-step conservative this guy was, to the point that he would speak offensively and abusively about liberals, including me. Toward the end he told me that my liberalism was something he "hated" about me. He actually used the term "hate."
Flash forward to eight years later, he continues to stalk me and say horrible things about me regarding my career, my political beliefs, etc. So yeah, I'd never risk dating a conservative again.
Then there's another aspect: can you respect someone with his beliefs? If he thinks women who have abortions are s luts, or evil, can you respect that? I couldn't, but your mileage may vary.
If he's that worried about the issue coming between you, it could be that he doesn't respect your opinion and, like the guy I dated, will end up not respecting you. Granted my case was extreme and the guy is cuckoo bananas, but only you know for sure if he is capable of that. Trust your gut here.
And don't just be with him because he's mostly great except for disagreeing with something that's important to you. If this is an issue that is important to you, then the two of you are not compatible. If it isn't--carry on and don't sweat it.
You make excellent points. Things may be great now, but what happens when the newness and butterflies wear off and other issues creep up? What if something else is revealed that rocks the boat? If he holds conservative views on this issue it could extend to other social issues, and it could lead to other incompatibilities that have yet been revealed. Most people don't go around talking about their cognitive biases, admitting to their prejudices, etc. Those things are usually revealed through people's actions, behavior and what they say, often as you get to know them and become comfortable.
Uh, maybe because we hadn't really gotten to know each other yet?...
You stated you were dating a girl over the summer. That implies it wasn't a one-and-done. You didn't sense something was up from the earlier dates?
In any case, it's a wonder why folks mock or criticize OLD. It's to avoid dating people like this. Why wait weeks or months, money and time, before fleshing out deal-breakers or incompatibilities.
You make excellent points. Things may be great now, but what happens when the newness and butterflies wear off and other issues creep up? What if something else is revealed that rocks the boat? If he holds conservative views on this issue it could extend to other social issues, and it could lead to other incompatibilities that have yet been revealed. Most people don't go around talking about their cognitive biases, admitting to their prejudices, etc. Those things are usually revealed through people's actions, behavior and what they say, often as you get to know them and become comfortable.
Exactly. When I met him, I thought like many are saying here: should I really throw a guy away just because of how he votes? But then when certain things came to light, and I learned more about why he voted that way, I knew he wasn't just "a nice guy with different beliefs."
I had another experience this summer via OLD, where I started talking to a guy who said he wasn't really into politics. After a few conversations it came out that he was, indeed, a person I couldn't respect, so I cut him loose. His last message to me was about how he was such a nice guy and wished someone could see that. I couldn't see how having his beliefs would make him a nice guy. The OP needs to ask herself if this guy really is a nice guy, or if it is only in certain instances that he is nice to certain people that are like him.
You stated you were dating a girl over the summer. That implies it wasn't a one-and-done. You didn't sense something was up from the earlier dates?
In any case, it's a wonder why folks mock or criticize OLD. It's to avoid dating people like this. Why wait weeks or months, money and time, before fleshing out deal-breakers or incompatibilities.
We went on several dates
Yes, I was aware she was religious
It took several weeks for me to be able to discern a clear pattern a religious hypocrisy
I gave her an honest chance
I am not a mind-reader
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
In any case, it's a wonder why folks mock or criticize OLD. It's to avoid dating people like this. Why wait weeks or months, money and time, before fleshing out deal-breakers or incompatibilities.
Yeah, because people are so honest in their online dating profiles.
I'm sure hers would have read "I'm very religious, and hold very strong biblical convictions. However, I follow none of them, and I intend to judge you when you don't either"
Meta, you seem like a very smart girl. But dang...
It took several weeks for me to be able to discern a clear pattern a religious hypocrisy
I gave her an honest chance
I am not a mind-reader
Yeah, because people are so honest in their online dating profiles.
I'm sure hers would have read "I'm very religious, and hold very strong biblical convictions. However, I follow none of them, and I intend to judge you when you don't either"
Meta, you seem like a very smart girl. But dang...
Admit it, the girl was just hot enough to get away with the crazy for a little while.
Exactly. When I met him, I thought like many are saying here: should I really throw a guy away just because of how he votes? But then when certain things came to light, and I learned more about why he voted that way, I knew he wasn't just "a nice guy with different beliefs."
I had another experience this summer via OLD, where I started talking to a guy who said he wasn't really into politics. After a few conversations it came out that he was, indeed, a person I couldn't respect, so I cut him loose. His last message to me was about how he was such a nice guy and wished someone could see that. I couldn't see how having his beliefs would make him a nice guy. The OP needs to ask herself if this guy really is a nice guy, or if it is only in certain instances that he is nice to certain people that are like him.
Precisely.
To the bold, I don't equate legislating one's version of morality, thereby restricting others' rights, as "nice." The beliefs one holds, the basis of them, and what they do with them, matters to a lot of people. Said beliefs say a lot about how people think, behave, act, and the choices they make. It shapes their entire world view even if they're not fully aware of it. This much should be apparent just from the happenings on this board. It's easy to guess where the misogynistic and puritanical beliefs originate.
I totally roll my eye at the "respect and accept differences" sentiment. Yeah? How far does this attitude extend? Going with that attitude people should be open to anyone, differences be damned. Looks shouldn't matter, nor should income, character, personality, attitude, mannerisms, humility. Just have sex and accept the differences. Bahahaha. No.
Some differences, depending on how great, may not be an issue, but others can present serious matters well-beyond "not agreeing on one issue."
To the bold, I don't equate legislating one's version of morality, thereby restricting others' rights, as "nice." The beliefs one holds, the basis of them, and what they do with them, matters to a lot of people. Said beliefs say a lot about how people think, behave, act, and the choices they make. It shapes their entire world view even if they're not fully aware of it. This much should be apparent just from the happenings on this board. It's easy to guess where the misogynistic and puritanical beliefs originate.
I totally roll my eye at the "respect and accept differences" sentiment. Yeah? How far does this attitude extend? Going with that attitude people should be open to anyone, differences be damned. Looks shouldn't matter, nor should income, character, personality, attitude, mannerisms, humility. Just have sex and accept the differences. Bahahaha. No.
Some differences, depending on how great, may not be an issue, but others can present serious matters well-beyond "not agreeing on one issue."
It's interesting because I have some friends who haven't experienced much of life except for their privileged, prejudiced corner of the world (although they would not call themselves privileged), and I see kindness within them despite some of their views. Still, I couldn't be involved romantically with someone like that. To each their own and all that, but if you're talking about the person I'm going to be with for hopefully a long time, there's got to be compatibility. That's really what it all boils down to.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
