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... As for why I posted this, I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.
And, whether you realize it yet or not, the reason you want to get it off your chest is because you KNOW what you did was wrong, wrong, wrong! You didn't stoop down to his level, you crawled below it. You should be feeling guilty, and the only way you can make it right is to admit to those who you lied to about him, that you were lying. Since you won't do that, you'll live with this the rest of your life. Think about that. Your life is now about hating when it should be about loving and caring.
Both acts are reprehensible (yours and his), but yours is even worse because you planned it, enacted it over a period of time, and you're still doing it! Shame on both of you.
I hope you'll soon realize that what you did is wrong and correct it, for your own sake, then change your direction in life to loving instead of hating.
It would have been so much better if you'd have just filed assault charges against your ex. That's why we have a judicial system. He'd have been appropriately punished, and you'd have a clear conscience.
I'm confused. If he hit you, why not tell THAT truth? That's about as damning as it can get and I would consider telling others a public service.
I did tell the truth, when they came in I was bloody and beaten and they arrested him I told them what happened but he managed to bail himself out the next day. If it was so damning then why was he so accepted by the community, it's not as if I hid what he did, everyone knew but he didn't get the punishment he deserved.
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Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Why did you stay with him this long if he was abusive from the start?
Like many women at first he wasn't like this and he'd just tear me down and was mostly mentally/emotionally abusive, it was only the last 3 months he decided to ramp up the abuse. Of course I have always heard if you are a woman that has been or are being abused not to expect any real kind of justice, which, of course I didn't get.
I'd rather be a liar and see him suffer and punished than not and see him walk through town with his good job and his head held up high.
And, whether you realize it yet or not, the reason you want to get it off your chest is because you KNOW what you did was wrong, wrong, wrong! You didn't stoop down to his level, you crawled below it. You should be feeling guilty, and the only way you can make it right is to admit to those who you lied to about him, that you were lying. Since you won't do that, you'll live with this the rest of your life. Think about that. Your life is now about hating when it should be about loving and caring.
Oh, I know that I'll live with this, and I am perfectly happy too. Kind of hard to live a life of loving and caring when you know your abusive ex has no consequences for doing something reprehensible.
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Both acts are reprehensible (yours and his), but yours is even worse because you planned it, enacted it over a period of time, and you're still doing it! Shame on both of you.
Of course I did, and I don't feel the least bit bad about it. I am tired of women getting abused by men only to not get justice.
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I hope you'll soon realize that what you did is wrong and correct it, for your own sake, then change your direction in life to loving instead of hating.
I feel 100% justified in what I did and have done.
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It would have been so much better if you'd have just filed assault charges against your ex. That's why we have a judicial system. He'd have been appropriately punished, and you'd have a clear conscience.
Did you read the link above? 97% of RAPISTS won't see a day in jail, let alone men that abuse women. As for filing charges against my ex, what would that have accomplished? He gets at most a month in jail? No, that is completely unacceptable! To me any man that hits and abuses a woman deserves ultimate scorn and forced to live on the fringe of society for the rest of their lives.
Sure, perhaps I did "stoop to his level" but knowing he has now received a fate far worse than what our joke of a justice system would be willing to dish out allows me to sleep pretty good at night!
And just how many women end up being beaten/raped/killed while this "due process" happens? When the police come only to find a woman with serious injuries and the guy is caught red handed everyone knows the chance of the guy coming back to do more harm is VERY great. I don't care about due process when it comes to abusers, I think a woman being safe from an abuser is far greater then "due process".
So long as this guy's life is ruined that's all that matters to me. I bet he'll think twice before hitting another woman, don't you think? If not, hopefully he'll do every woman a favor and jump off a bridge.
Question to the women that are saying it was wrong: Have you ever been beaten/raped or sexually assaulted by a man? If so, or even if you haven't even if the man were arrested but got away with it and was still capable of holding his head high you'd just accept you won't be getting any justice of any kind? Of course I could see how men would be against this but it is amazing to me women would rather be assaulted, the guy get off and just accept it then to see the guy pays a price for it.
So you made it worse by making him lose his job, friends, and community?
Super smart!! No telling what a violent guy will do when he has nothing more to lose.
Better hope that due process hurries up!!!
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Hmm, talk about rape, talk about ruining lives, talk about immediate justice. It's like you read the thread on "whatever happened to sex" and borrowed several key phrases.
But I'll play a round of Theoretical Wild Imagination Theater (TWIT):
Quote:
Originally Posted by Julez28
I am 28 and was with an abusive man for over a year, but within the last 3 months he stepped up his abuse. Before he may push and shove and yell but in the last 3 months he started actually hitting/punching me, violently shoving me into walls etc.
The first time he pushed you, you should have duly processed your behind right out the door. That would have prevented your broken nose, concussion, and everything else.
However, there is no undoing what has been done. When he is convicted of assault and battery, that would have resulted in plenty of shunning. There was no need for you to stoop to his level.
Your actions may have far worse implications than you realize. When he gets locked up (because surely you are going to testify) chances are the rumor of him being a white supremacist will follow him to jail, where gang members of color will introduce themselves to him in the rec yard. While you may relish the thought of them kicking his ass, white supremacists will also introduce themselves to him. The violence will escalate, and at least one poor schmoe of a jail guard who makes $40K a year will get hurt and possibly disabled when subduing the various savages.
Congratulations, you not only just wounded some innocent men and cost taxpayers some disability money when the jail guards go out on three-quarters, you increased the violence inherent in the system and made the world a little bit uglier.
Your prize? A new screen name!
Last edited by JasperJade; 10-23-2015 at 08:03 PM..
Asking if you should feel bad means that you actually feel bad. Maybe not now since you've gotten your revenge on your ex, but it'll surface once the days go by. Bad things usually happen to abusers without the act of some sort of vengeance on the previous partner's part. The best revenge would have been living better and looking stellar while he's wallowing in his own misery. Because you chose this route, there is no telling what will happen to you. You pi**ed off an abuser. What makes you think that he won't try to terrorize you again? This is not something to brag about. I don't know who will congratulate you on this...act, but I know it won't be me. He could do something much worse to you now. Just because you're not in the relationship anymore, doesn't mean you're automatically and completely out of the clear just yet. The situation that you were previously in, was something to move forward from and not even think about your ex. You've just brought all of the drama back on yourself. Even those who seek revenge can receive karma.
Hmm, talk about rape, talk about ruining lives, talk about immediate justice. It's like you read the thread on "whatever happened to sex" and borrowed several key phrases.
But I'll play a round of Theoretical Wild Imagination Theater (TWIT):
Haven't even seen much less read whatever thread you are talking about.
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The first time he pushed you, you should have duly processed your behind right out the door. That would have prevented your broken nose, concussion, and everything else.
That's easy for you to say, you don't know how badly a man can abuse you/manipulate you.
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However, there is no undoing what has been done. When he is convicted of assault and battery, that would have resulted in plenty of shunning. There was no need for you to stoop to his level.
Oh, please, IF he were convicted, you know the chances of that happening are slim to none. And even so it would NOT have included any shunning, as I said when it happened I told many people and had the marks and cuts/bruises to prove it but he still managed to keep his job, and live as if he did not do anything wrong.
Quote:
Your actions may have far worse implications than you realize. When he gets locked up (because surely you are going to testify) chances are the rumor of him being a white supremacist will follow him to jail, where gang members of color will introduce themselves to him in the rec yard. While you may relish the thought of them kicking his ass, white supremacists will also introduce themselves to him. The violence will escalate, and at least one poor schmoe of a jail guard who makes $40K a year will get hurt and possibly disabled when subduing the various savages.
Well he is a man that abuses women so OF COURSE he won't get locked up and even if he did it's not as if he'd get real time, not enough for all that to happen.
Quote:
Congratulations, you not only just wounded some innocent men and cost taxpayers some disability money when the jail guards go out on three-quarters, you increased the violence inherent in the system and made the world a little bit uglier.
Your prize? A new screen name!
But abusers hardly get punished in the first place so that's all moot.
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