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I was courted by my husband in the most wonderful way imaginable. I feel like one of the most lucky women ever. He is a rare gem of a man and he is so romantic!
Years later we still sometimes reminisce about that period of our lives, when our love first blossomed. I can't help but smile just thinking about it. ***swoon***
He takes pride in talking about how he courted me, though it doesn't come up very often anymore. It's old news. LOL. It's useful though, when we are challenged in our marriage to remember those times. A foundation was built that defines our commitment and devotion to each other. We always have that to fall back on during tough times, it helps to keep things in perspective.
I'm not really expressing myself very well, but hopefully I'm getting across what I'm trying to say a little bit. Basically, at first courtship helped strengthened our emotional bond and later on, in hindsight, it created a lot of unforgettable memories.
What do you think about the ideal of courtship in our modern dating era. Do you want to be courted? What does that mean to you if it were to happen.
I am on the edge of liking more "traditional" dating roles. I have no idea why, but it is appreciated by me.
Here are the old school courtship things I want back:
1. dates where people get dressed up (not just a special occasion)
2. setting up dates via a phone call
3. dates that feel like "dates" not "hanging out"
What about you? Do you want to "court?" Do you want to be "courted?"
Those things are not what "courting" means to me. I just think of those as simply traditional dating - which I do like. And yes, I do like being "courted". I think of courting more as the guy doing the "wooing" - trying to win me over. My fella definitely did that. He told me on one of our first dates that he liked to "take the lead" on things as far as a relationship, and I was perfectly okay with that.
I'm not entirely sure I understand what "courtship" is (aside from Duggar side-hugs and mandatory chaperones). But the whole "wooing" thing doesn't really appeal to me. I'm not into someone trying to impress me; just act like your normal self.
What do you think about the ideal of courtship in our modern dating era. Do you want to be courted? What does that mean to you if it were to happen.
I am on the edge of liking more "traditional" dating roles. I have no idea why, but it is appreciated by me.
Here are the old school courtship things I want back:
1. dates where people get dressed up (not just a special occasion)
2. setting up dates via a phone call
3. dates that feel like "dates" not "hanging out"
What about you? Do you want to "court?" Do you want to be "courted?"
Let's break down your three things. There's something here, but really it comes down to this. Things go both ways and you really see how interactions today are valued very little.
1. What do you define as getting dressed up? I think that presentation matters. Many women today don't dress all that spectacularly for early dates. I don't think that blue jeans are acceptable first date attire, for either party. I like to see women wearing dresses to early stage dates (weather permitting). When I showed up for one date and the woman wore a tight black dress with nearly knee high black boots, I was very impressed at the way in which she presented herself.
2. I agree that texting is overused. Do you know why men text women? Because too many men have had women not return phone calls. Getting stuck in "voicemail jail" is unpleasant. Personally, until one has established that they are trustworthy enough to return a call/text, I prefer to take the phone (either for calling or texting) out of the equation and set up future interactions in person. The phone (either calling or texting) leaves a lot to chance. Both phone calls and texts are impersonal, but texts are more impersonal than calls. A communication preferences chat is needed today, and I have had those chats.
3. What's a date that feels like a date and not hanging out? I would say that dates with me certainly feel like dates.
The female creature is so weird and complex.
Newsflash, every guy who asks you out wants to sleep with you.
Does the complicated courtships makes you feel more worthy than you actually are?
Everyone has their own idea of what it means to be courted. I've been courted by dates and SOs in the past, and I've done the sort of "courting" that is typically associated with the man's role.
I do like flowers, cards and dark chocolate. I'm also one to give these things. I gave my husband a rose and chocolates on our first and second dates. I give him flowers, cards and chocolates just because. He appreciates the gesture even if he's not gaga over flowers. He enjoys the cards and chocolate. (who doesn't?)
As a hopeful/less romantic I like these gestures, both giving and receiving. I had one SO who gave me a card (and at times a stuffed animal) for most dates over the course of a year of dating. He went all out for a number of dates. He wrote the date, what we did, where we ate and what movie we saw on the back of each card. He was definitely the most romantic of all the men I dated. (he wasn't young; he was 41-42 at the time we dated)
I briefly dated a man who left notes and roses on my car, and some who gave me poems, music they were into, and one gave me a really awesome Guild Wars 2 collector's edition box set. Woot!
My husband is a hopeless romantic, and does really sweet things. As far as what's noted in the OP, I would get dressed up for the vast majority of dates, and I talked with every date, most extensively (hours), before meeting in person. I had a more formal approach, because I found the typical or usual way of doing things (text/message to meet for coffee or lunch, no phone conversation) too impersonal. I don't think I ever met someone that didn't speak to on the phone before the date. All dates were set up on the phone.
Let's break down your three things. There's something here, but really it comes down to this. Things go both ways and you really see how interactions today are valued very little.
1. What do you define as getting dressed up? I think that presentation matters. Many women today don't dress all that spectacularly for early dates. I don't think that blue jeans are acceptable first date attire, for either party. I like to see women wearing dresses to early stage dates (weather permitting). When I showed up for one date and the woman wore a tight black dress with nearly knee high black boots, I was very impressed at the way in which she presented herself.
2. I agree that texting is overused. Do you know why men text women? Because too many men have had women not return phone calls. Getting stuck in "voicemail jail" is unpleasant. Personally, until one has established that they are trustworthy enough to return a call/text, I prefer to take the phone (either for calling or texting) out of the equation and set up future interactions in person. The phone (either calling or texting) leaves a lot to chance. Both phone calls and texts are impersonal, but texts are more impersonal than calls. A communication preferences chat is needed today, and I have had those chats.
3. What's a date that feels like a date and not hanging out? I would say that dates with me certainly feel like dates.
1. Getting dressed up to me is like you said, presentation and thinking about your outfit. It should be appropriate for the ocassion. It should not look like you are going to the gym. I think jeans and a nice top and nice shoes are fine for a casual date. Like mini golf or bowling. I am a bad person to ask about dressing up since my go to outfit is a dress due to laziness.
And in this day and age it is rare to see men get dressed up. Especially as I work in tech. Fancy day means north face jacket instead of a hoodie.
2. I have trouble with texting. I don't love it but I text when it is logistics or doesn't need a response. More like those small thoughts. But if you want to set up a time to meet me, I want a call!
3. A hanging out date to me is usually arranged last minute (less than 24 hours notice) with no definitive plan for activity. It is like "hey let's meet at 6 in that neighborhood and find a spot for dinner/drinks." A date - date is arranged in advance with a plan. "I have reservations at 7 at that new place and tickets to a play. Are you free next Friday?"
The difference is that it doesn't feel like "well my other plans fell through so you were next on my list."
The female creature is so weird and complex.
Newsflash, every guy who asks you out wants to sleep with you.
Does the complicated courtships makes you feel more worthy than you actually are?
And being treated well in the dating process is how we weed out the men who want to "hit it and quit it" to quote some 90s lyrics.
But in a nutshell it is really about feeling special.
1. Getting dressed up to me is like you said, presentation and thinking about your outfit. It should be appropriate for the ocassion. It should not look like you are going to the gym. I think jeans and a nice top and nice shoes are fine for a casual date. Like mini golf or bowling. I am a bad person to ask about dressing up since my go to outfit is a dress due to laziness.
And in this day and age it is rare to see men get dressed up. Especially as I work in tech. Fancy day means north face jacket instead of a hoodie.
2. I have trouble with texting. I don't love it but I text when it is logistics or doesn't need a response. More like those small thoughts. But if you want to set up a time to meet me, I want a call!
3. A hanging out date to me is usually arranged last minute (less than 24 hours notice) with no definitive plan for activity. It is like "hey let's meet at 6 in that neighborhood and find a spot for dinner/drinks." A date - date is arranged in advance with a plan. "I have reservations at 7 at that new place and tickets to a play. Are you free next Friday?"
The difference is that it doesn't feel like "well my other plans fell through so you were next on my list."
For drinks at a bar with decent ambiance, the no blue jeans thing I mentioned should be in effect. I could understand jeans for mini golf or bowling. Mini golf is a decent date in the first 5 dates or so. Bowling, a maybe that would occur further into the relationship.
I arrange activities in advance with a plan.
How good are you at returning calls? Calls work well when two people can talk at the same time. If you are just trading voicemails, you might as well be texting.
I'm not going to pretend to be a tough girl who doesn't care about being courted- i want to be courted. I may be a bit old fashioned when it comes to relationships, but i think when someone courts you, it is a confirmation of their interest in you. Just like when a woman dresses nicely, takes care of herself and is flirty/affirmative towards the guy, it is a sign that you are interested and want to impress. IMO it can only be good if two people are as good to each other as they can be, and treat each other the best they can, even when it involves doing things for the other person that may not be in your nature, but you do them anyway, cause you want to make them happy. How is that bad?
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My fella definitely did that. He told me on one of our first dates that he liked to "take the lead" on things as far as a relationship, and I was perfectly okay with that. 
