Meeting Woman that don't want Children? (relation, physically, surprise, regret)
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Yes, it definitely occurs more in social circles of people who are more educated, less religious/not religious, and more liberal, but to act amazed that a childfree lifestyle is the norm anywhere just seems disingenuous to me. Sure, your circle of influence may be childfree, but unless you live in a commune and only see those people around you but no one else, surely people realize that being childfree is unusual.
And to bring this all back to the OP's dilemma, depending on his age, he's going to have to be careful anyway. Plenty of women think they will never want a child in their 20s, then decide they do later. That's why it's rare to find a doctor who will perform a hysterectomy on a woman so young. I'm not trying to suggest that people don't know their own minds in their 20s, but people change their minds about all sorts of things.
Where's the delineation on the point where childfree/childless becomes unusual? 30? 35? If you look at most 25 year olds who have at least a college degree, those people are mostly childfree/childless.
Would you say that more people tend to have and want kids than don't have and don't want kids???
That has been part of my main points in this thread, if we were to say that most people have or wants kids wouldn't we then safely say that finding childfree people in the dating world would be challenging???
Step outside of your demographic for a second and look at the collective larger picture.
I totally agree with what you're saying. I think the vast majority of women want to have kids, I'd say 75 to 80%. I do however think it's easier finding those women who don't nowadays compared to twenty years ago. A lot of people trash OLD, but it was like a godsend for me. It immediately allowed me to filter out the ones that wanted kids from the ones that did not. I can't remember how many dates I went on and hit it off only to find out that they really wanted kids. Then I'd get set up by friends saying "oh I bet you'll change your mind after you go out with her a few times".
Where's the delineation on the point where childfree/childless becomes unusual? 30? 35? If you look at most 25 year olds who have at least a college degree, those people are mostly childfree/childless.
I'd say in some parts of the country, by the time someone hits their mid-30s, because that's when many start thinking "What's wrong with him/her?" if the person is never married and childless. At least that was my husband's case and a number of men I dated in similar demographic.
That isn't to say those assumptions are right, just that they're common in our culture where many people still get married by their late 20s or early 30s.
Where's the delineation on the point where childfree/childless becomes unusual? 30? 35? If you look at most 25 year olds who have at least a college degree, those people are mostly childfree/childless.
i don't really know how to answer your question. I'd say it becomes more unusual over the age of 30.
I totally agree with what you're saying. I think the vast majority of women want to have kids, I'd say 75 to 80%. I do however think it's easier finding those women who don't nowadays compared to twenty years ago. A lot of people trash OLD, but it was like a godsend for me. It immediately allowed me to filter out the ones that wanted kids from the ones that did not. I can't remember how many dates I went on and hit it off only to find out that they really wanted kids. Then I'd get set up by friends saying "oh I bet you'll change your mind after you go out with her a few times".
Well, I'd also suggest that a better acceptance of personal choice vs societal pressure has allowed women to make the decision not to have children, rather than just "doing what is supposed to be done."
Even in my circle of friends, living in a large city, where most of us have advanced degrees and most of us are pretty darn liberal, very few of us are childfree/childless.
Yes, it definitely occurs more in social circles of people who are more educated, less religious/not religious, and more liberal, but to act amazed that a childfree lifestyle is the norm anywhere just seems disingenuous to me. Sure, your circle of influence may be childfree, but unless you live in a commune and only see those people around you but no one else, surely people realize that being childfree is unusual.
And to bring this all back to the OP's dilemma, depending on his age, he's going to have to be careful anyway. Plenty of women think they will never want a child in their 20s, then decide they do later. That's why it's rare to find a doctor who will perform a hysterectomy on a woman so young. I'm not trying to suggest that people don't know their own minds in their 20s, but people change their minds about all sorts of things.
When I was single a long time ago, in southern California which is a liberal haven of educated and highly skilled people, I really had a rough time meeting women that didn't kids or want them. I certainly can't be the only guy that's had that experience. A few posters here are saying that it was the complete opposite for them, I just find that hard to believe. I get that it depends a lot on the social circle you run it, I get that... I'm not some white trash uneducated redneck, so my circle reflected the same type of people. When I met Mrs. Chow and she was 28 with no kids and didn't have them I was completely surprised, cause til then, it just wasn't happening for me, or any of my buddies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Which demographic? Woman in her early 30s or liberal nontheist woman in her early 30s? I'd say 95% of my 30s+ heathen friends have or want children.
There are definitely more people out there who want or have children, but there are indeed child-free folks, typically in more progressive cities with a lot of educated professionals.
I wasn't trying to offend with my step outside your demo comment, I guess I just meant your social circle instead...
When I was single a long time ago, in southern California which is a liberal haven of educated and highly skilled people, I really had a rough time meeting women that didn't kids or want them. I certainly can't be the only guy that's had that experience. A few posters here are saying that it was the complete opposite for them, I just find that hard to believe. I get that it depends a lot on the social circle you run it, I get that... I'm not some white trash uneducated redneck, so my circle reflected the same type of people. When I met Mrs. Chow and she was 28 with no kids and didn't have them I was completely surprised, cause til then, it just wasn't happening for me, or any of my buddies.
I wasn't trying to offend with my step outside your demo comment, I guess I just meant your social circle instead...
My social circle is, like, 95% parents, most divorced or married. The majority that are childless are <30s, and a few 30s+.
A few posters here are saying that it was the complete opposite for them, I just find that hard to believe. I get that it depends a lot on the social circle you run it, I get that... I'm not some white trash uneducated redneck, so my circle reflected the same type of people.
Yes but I think we both know that at least one of those posters has a tendency to... ahem... embellish.
You and your friends are unicorns... trust me.. I've never seen a lot of women that don't want or have kids past 28......
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I'm in the heart of southern California , los angeles county... the heart of liberalism and free spiritedness and I've had hard time............ I've had a rough time meeting women that didn't have kids.... this was in my 20's...a long time ago... when I was single....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Maybe in those towns... but not in LA, tons and tons and tons of women in their very low 20's had kids....
When I met mrs.chow back in the 90's and she was 28 with no kids its was like a ****ing goldmine ... a unicorn.......... I mean a unique unicorn to meet a woman that was in her late 20's with no kids...
I am going to take a stab at what I think is going on in LA based on Chow's comments.
Picture a continuum. On the far left of the continuum you have people who are care-free, free-spirited, exciting, fun-loving and maybe a bit self-centered and irresponsible. These are people who don't want children but may have had one or a few in their teens and early 20's. As you move to the right on the continuum person responsibility increases while free-spiritedness decreases until you reach the far right of the continuum where people are fully responsible but also family oriented and boring. These are the people who do want children and strive to have them.
My guess is that LA falls somewhere near the left end of my proposed continuum. To find a childfree person you need to find the perfect mix of personal responsibility and free-spiritedness. If there is too little personal responsibility then unintended pregnancies occur, if there is too much personal responsibility then the people become family oriented. In many locales that perfect mix of free spiritedness and personal responsibility really is a unicorn.
I'd say in some parts of the country, by the time someone hits their mid-30s, because that's when many start thinking "What's wrong with him/her?" if the person is never married and childless. At least that was my husband's case and a number of men I dated in similar demographic.
That isn't to say those assumptions are right, just that they're common in our culture where many people still get married by their late 20s or early 30s.
The age at first marriage has been increasing.
For men, from ages 27-39, no one wonders what's wrong with him if he has a series of short term relationships that are sexual in nature or a series of serial monogamy relationships of 1-3 years without getting married, so long as the breaks in between women are short.
For women, it might vary a little more depending on her child bearing goals. Pregnancy after 35 has its own challenges and risks.
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The majority that are childless are <30s, and a few 30s+.
