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Shyness is a handicap that can be overcome. Shyness is for children, IMO. It's not trait found in highly functioning adults, unless you use it to your benefit in a very specific way, such as becoming an actor or writer. Mostly, it will hold you back in life and that includes dating, your career, etc.
I was very shy as a child, but life in the adult world forced me to push past it. I'm still a naturally quiet and reserved person and always will be, but that is not the same thing. When shyness prevents you from reaching your goals or participating in life as you want to, you've got a problem that you need to work on.
I didn't allow my children (both my son and daughter) to hide in the shadows using shyness as an excuse. I encouraged them to put themselves out there and pushed them out of their comfort zones. I'm glad that I did and so are they.
I don't sympathize with shy adults because I feel that it's a choice, and a lazy, unambitious, passive one at that. I associate shyness with being cowardly, insecure, unambitious, incompetent, and boring.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Honestly, I don't interpret it that way. Not at all. Speaking for myself, I feel that anyone that complains about how shyness is affecting their life, and then, not only do they refuse to do anything about it but they hold OTHERS responsible for their lack of success, well, those people are lazy, at best. At worst, they have a fear of failure that is so great that they never overcome it to take a chance.. And truthfully, I find none of that to be appealing. Not being contemptuous. Just offering my own feelings on the OP's post.
The bolded doesn't sound like something you'd read on a Christmas card, does it.
No. But then the OP was not asking for Christmas wishes. He implied that others are responsible for his lack of success. Yeah, no.
So you just can't plain old fashioned say it was a crappy thing to say???
I grew up shy, always have been, it's gotten better over the years, but when I read stuff like that I just roll my eyes, to the point of pulling an eyeball muscle.
I've gone to college, got a degree, got a job with a fortune 150 company, bought a house before I was 30, have more money in my 401k's than any other person I know, earn within the top 15 percent within my age group, have no debt, in positions of authority at work, been in a LTR for 23 yrs.
Plus I can make people laugh
Does that sound like a boring unambitious lazy, insecure, unconfident person to you???
People need to be cautious when they get out their broad brushes and make offensive statements as she did.
That is one of the things I've learned on this forum, the whole book cover thingy.....
To be honest, I have yet to see what shyness has to do with this thread. Asking a girl out and having her turn you down has nothing to do with shyness. In fact, I would venture to say that asking someone out is not even the act of a shy person - so her rejection pretty much has absolutely nothing to do with shyness.
I am not even sure why I need to feel compassion for others who may be shy.
It's not that I have none at all, it's more along the lines of I give everyone the same amount and nobody is more deserving than the other. Everyone is treated with respect regardless of who or what they may be going through.
Trying to fold everyone in separate boxes and treating them all like special snowflakes just to appeal to their sensibilities isn't going to get "you" what you want in dating scenarios.
You are looking for compatible people, not just "good" people
In the case of shyness getting in the way of dating or relating to others:
It's nothing to do with shy people being lower than low or some abomination of walking flesh, it's just not a quality that those who may be a little more outgoing socially will see as beneficial and as a result will not give a series bought to. For them it IS a hindrance to become involved wih someone who has issue relating to others.
As someone who has issues in social circumstances myself I never blamed other people for my difficulties, I can't expect other to care about my challenges in life and they all have their own to overcome, We are all in different places and we are all indivual from one another.
It's nice to meet those who may understand or try to understand, but that's just not the reality of interacting with others. Not everyone wants to understand or cares to....and Thats not a bad or good thing, it just "is"
Their position in life may be bad for your wishes, dreams and desires, but your wishes, dreams and desires are not those of others. They are all your own and you cant expect everyone to want to share in them.
they all have their own to worry about and seek out.
The simple answer to the question of why so many may write others off for being shy is that they do not find it attractive or conductive to what they want in a realtionship or from life.
You can't fault or assign blame to people for this, that is just how they feel.
Last edited by rego00123; 11-13-2015 at 12:53 PM..
To be honest, I have yet to see what shyness has to do with this thread. Asking a girl out and having her turn you down has nothing to do with shyness. In fact, I would venture to say that asking someone out is not even the act of a shy person - so her rejection pretty much has absolutely nothing to do with shyness.
Yeah I've tried to ask this question several different ways and have yet to be answered.
That's really not a woman's job. A woman's job is to find a man who emotionally and sexually excites her. If the guy doesn't do that, she'll find someone who will.
So you just can't plain old fashioned say it was a crappy thing to say???
I grew up shy, always have been, it's gotten better over the years, but when I read stuff like that I just roll my eyes, to the point of pulling an eyeball muscle.
I've gone to college, got a degree, got a job with a fortune 150 company, bought a house before I was 30, have more money in my 401k's than any other person I know, earn within the top 15 percent within my age group, have no debt, in positions of authority at work, been in a LTR for 23 yrs.
Plus I can make people laugh
Does that sound like a boring unambitious lazy, insecure, unconfident person to you???
People need to be cautious when they get out their broad brushes and make offensive statements as she did.
That is one of the things I've learned on this forum, the whole book cover thingy.....
I think that because you identify with being shy that you are seeing things in a different way. Let me put it like this - you've been shy BUT you have achieved great things and have a pretty darn good life. You aren't coming on here and asking for pity and you aren't making excuses. You aren't asking to be treated special because you feel that you are a victim. You are VERY different from the OP. THe OP is rubbing people the wrong way - and it has nothing to do with being shy.
I kind of took it as the OP referring to people treating shyness and/or introversion as personality defects, rather than variations of normal.
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