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It's really hard.
All the people I know who say it isn't do a pretty crappy job of it.
I have been a stay at home Mom in between jobs, and I worked a LOT harder when I was, than when I'm employed. Because when I wasn't bringing in a paycheck, I felt duty-bound to do literally everything else, and do it really well. The house was perfect. The kids were wrangled. The food was cooked. I handled all the shopping, making sure I was saving us money on everything we needed, and managed the household finances. I was on top of a hundred things and never got a break.
When I have a job, I won't do everything else. I just won't. If we were both working, I expected the kids to do chores, and to some extent, my (now ex) husband to also help at home, unless his job was just so much more strenuous and demanding than mine, like when he was in the Army. Then I didn't ask much of him. But I also let a lot of things go. The house didn't have to be perfect. Oh, well. And when I took vacation, I went on vacation. I got a break.
Then he got out of the Army, and didn't get another job. Basically he retired at age 45, and just sits around in the garage getting high and feeling sorry for himself. I told him early on, that so long as we could afford it, I didn't mind him not working. But I was concerned for his mental health, because everyone needs a PURPOSE. That if he wasn't going to work, the household would BE his job, and he should do his best at it. This led to him constantly yelling at everyone for every little thing...where stay at home Mom would pick up things the kids left laying around, stay at home Dad throws a tantrum about it. Where stay at home Mom would clean the dirty dishes, stay at home Dad says if you don't pre-wash them, he'll throw them in your bed. The house is a disgrace now. He felt no obligation to put the kind of effort into it that I did. So much easier to play video games, nap, and smoke pot, and occasionally go into fits of rage over little things, and appreciate absolutely no one and nothing.
And he'd be the first to accuse me of being lazy when I was at home busting my behind.
Funny how someone who is kind of a lame person is the first one to point fingers at others and try to take them down to their level. Any wonder he is my ex?
But back to what was going on in this convo, I think the issue women had was that in too many households, both adults are working, but there's a serious imbalance in division of other household work. It's like sure, feminism got us the right to have a career if we want, and then the economy caught up to the two earner model and now we have to, but our men still expect us to carry the 50's housewife shtick at home while they kick up their feet and watch TV. The word "equality" that men like to harpoon with saying women want a better deal than men get...it's hardly equal when we have to do our jobs and yours, too. And when a woman has to work full time AND take care of a bunch of people besides herself with no help, it shouldn't be any wonder she starts fantasizing about only having to clean up after herself.
My ex moans and whines about how I didn't need him and didn't want him...well, what exactly was he providing that I was supposed to need and want? Another dependent? An oversized child that would never grow up? Oh yes, "security" in the event of some kind of dystopian apocalypse. He still likes to tell me I'll be sorry when the government tries to put us all in camps, or the Syrians come to kill us. Yep. Sorry I couldn't die in his standoff. I'm sure.
I'm educated enough to know I'm better off on my own than dealing with this nonsense, TYVM.
The housewives of the 1950s had a great deal too. Not going into a paying job and being financially taken care of is pretty awesome.
This is what is wrong with people today. How do you even think not having a job (or the ability to) and being "taken care of" is a great deal. I grew up believing there was pride in being a self sufficient contributing member of society.
You should discuss that theory with teens that dont have a job or their own money, or transportation and are "taken care of" by mommy and daddy and see how great they think that life is.
Oh, wait darn there are a lot of young adults who think that is a good deal until mom and dad dont take care of them anymore.
I guess then there is always welfare, not going to a paying job and being financially taken care of. awesome.
This is what is wrong with people today. How do you even think not having a job (or the ability to) and being "taken care of" is a great deal. I grew up believing there was pride in being a self sufficient contributing member of society.
You should discuss that theory with teens that dont have a job or their own money, or transportation and are "taken care of" by mommy and daddy and see how great they think that life is.
Oh, wait darn there are a lot of young adults who think that is a good deal until mom and dad dont take care of them anymore.
I guess then there is always welfare, not going to a paying job and being financially taken care of. awesome.
The kids these days...
I don't presently have a job, I quit a couple of months ago, I've been living on saving that I've accumulated over the years, it's been nice, but the reality is is that I need to think about going back to work, I find that the structure that the work week provides is good for me, I tend to drink a bit too much vino and stay up too late at nights with not having the responsibility of a job.
I've worked hard the last few yrs to separate my identity from work, I'm not my job, you know what I mean??? I do have times where I'm starting to get a little bored, my point is is that I couldn't imagine not having some kind of "job" whether that be an actual 9 to 5 type of thing or volunteering full time for some kind of charity or whatnot. We need to be doing something with our time, whatever form that something takes.
And for the men that date self-proclaimed "successful" women. One of my pet-peeves is the unnecessary corporate jargon aka business or intellectual talk. Having grown up in the NY/NJ area around a lot of blue collar workers but having been around the federal government for the past 20 years, I have been much more dynamic in language. When I am with my buddies, it's just regular talk. I also know when to turn it down using slang and when to turn it up depending on the situation. But having moved to the DC area, where there are so many educated people, it is often that I run into people, even on weekends outside of work, that continue speaking to me as if I were their office co-worker on the clock. I am extremely good at reading people and language and so whenever I get the endless corporate jargon from women, I easily get turned off. I don't even pursue them especially when the women start with the "I'm an educated independent women" speech. These are the types that have been so independent that they are clueless when it comes to speaking with men. But, it's not that I am intimidated by educated women but it's the sense of "I can do it all and don't need a man", that I simply can't jive with.
But for some reason after meeting someone on tinder, I decided to take another chance. Her profile starts with "I am an educated, self-sufficient, and driven young woman..... and ends of with my ideal mate will be similarly educated and passionate". I sort of joked with her regarding her corporate talk and here is how she responded:
Now, there is nothing wrong with that but I just know from experience that she most likely will not shut it off and I am not like these political nuts. I will probably not pursue it but just out of curiosity, not asking for advice, do you women ever catch yourself with this unnecessary corporate talk? And men, how do you deal with these types? Again, I am not asking for advice, just curious to see how other people see it.
Seriously, this one I am chatting with is just as disconnected as the women in this video...
I am educated, pretty successful and a woman. Work talk should stay at work. If they are not paying me I do want to be talking about work related stuff. There are so many things to do and talk about other then work. I have to deal with my profession enough throughout the week, don't want to hear about it on my own time. When people ask me about work on my own time my answer is they keep paying and I continue to show up. Things are fine and move on to the next topic.
I don't presently have a job, I quit a couple of months ago, I've been living on saving that I've accumulated over the years, it's been nice, but the reality is is that I need to think about going back to work, I find that the structure that the work week provides is good for me, I tend to drink a bit too much vino and stay up too late at nights with not having the responsibility of a job.
I've worked hard the last few yrs to separate my identity from work, I'm not my job, you know what I mean??? I do have times where I'm starting to get a little bored, my point is is that I couldn't imagine not having some kind of "job" whether that be an actual 9 to 5 type of thing or volunteering full time for some kind of charity or whatnot. We need to be doing something with our time, whatever form that something takes.
Yeah, I agree humans really need a purpose to be fulfilled in life. Some find that fulfillment in being a "housewife" but that in no way equates to it being a sweet gig for every woman, probably very few. I imagine those who are fulfilled in that role still have made sacrifices and at times feel it is not all that great.
Your situation is different. Temporary hiatus from work be it rearing kids, caring for others in some way or just time out to relax or find yourself is much different than never having the means and being totally dependent and basically indentured to another your entire life.
First and foremost, Steve Harvey is a renowned misogynist. I would hardly ever seek his advice when it comes to dating women.
Secondly, some people will indeed go out of their way to sound particularly intelligent. You should check out www.reddit.com/r/iamverysmart for more evidence of this.
Thirdly, keep searching. Not everyone is a condescending, ostentatious tart.
Or date educated women who know when to stop speaking to me like an employee. Most "career women" are uptight and never know how to truly let loose.
I agree, I wouldn't say most women but certainly a lot of women or men for that matter, that identify too much with their jobs and are too wrapped up in their positions at work, I find that a total turn off, it's funny too, because overworking is a vice that people have and tend to use to cover up for things missing in their lives, but there really isn't a social stigma attached, they are seen as "hard workers" or "super achievers" when in reality a lot of people drown themselves in their jobs to avoid life.... not all, but certainly enough to make what I'm saying here a reality.
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darn there are a lot of young adults who think that is a good deal until mom and dad dont take care of them anymore.
Work should stay at work ....
