Another relationship, another lesson (dating, girlfriend, married, woman)
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Another relationship I was in came to an end over the weekend. Even though it only lasted 4 months, it was one where I learned the most. With me turning 32 in a couple of weeks and her being 26, she wants to take some time to be selfish and focus on her career. She's an RA Director for a local university and is over student life for the Junior/Senior apartments. Our issues were focused around finances and me no longer wanting to be that involved in the college life. I know some people miss college and the freedom, but it's something I don't miss one bit. Being my age and being around 18-22 year olds all the time got really old in a hurry. The woman I was with was great and very sweet, we just wanted different things at this moment.
What I noticed after going through this situation, I don't think I want to pursue anyone with serious intent for a while. I'm going to seriously put some thought into making some type of change in my life. Whether it be where I live or how I live. As much as it stinks that I'm single again, this is the first time I've ever ended up single and just didn't dread it. I'll have bouts of loneliness, but I feel like this was as an amicable break up as it could be. I couldn't argue with her wanting to be selfish and focus on her career, because when I was her age, I was elbows deep in singledom. I had no time for a relationship as I was trying to finish up my college degree and focus on my career as well.
I knew when we got together it was going to be tough, but I also knew, whether we work out or not, I was going to learn more valuable information. So as 2016 starts, I plan to take the year and focus on myself. I dated around a lot from 2014 - 2015, and I really got tired of the Peter Pan process. I really got tired of constantly going through the interview process. I really want to focus on myself for a while and really lay some ground rules to what I'm ultimately after. I'm not getting any younger and I've pretty much decided that I don't want children, so that is off the table. I'm excited for what I will accomplish this year in my personal life and my career. Single wasn't what I was expecting, but single this time doesn't hurt as bad as single did all the other times.
I made this post to hopefully give inspiration to other people that are single. Yeah, it's going to suck at times, but it's also a time in your life where you can be selfish and really focus on yourself and your wants. Sometimes things happen because we still need to make improvements in our lives. I whole-heartedly believe there's still some rocks left unturned in my life that I need to put some focus on.
Good for you. I also discovered this weekend that I'm really not ready for a relationship. Don't know if I ever was. I would think that I was "supposed" to be in one but any time someone asks me to be their gf or I sense they want a relationship, it terrifies me. I have only been in 2 "real" relationships where we were exclusive and weren't looking for other people. It was always on and off every other week and pretty much hell. I looked back at the FWBs I've had and when the guy is all over me in the beginning and I think they want a relationship, it makes me nervous. But once they back off and just hang out with me and it becomes a FWB, even if they're dating other people, even if it hurts me a little bit, I would rather have that than my first two relationships where I just didn't feel I should be in one. I guess what I'm saying is relationships hurt me more than FWBs and I may just not be a relationship person though I do like having someone around. Learning that this weekend takes a weight off my shoulders and made me feel freer and happier. I used to think FWB was a terrible thing and I would get judged for it but oh well, it seems more of my style.
I know I need to work on myself as well. I was thinking about it this morning and I think I think I feel the way I do because I still need to work on myself. I feel empty in terms of friends, career, family, and relationships. That's pretty much all of life. If that's the case, then I came to the conclusion that something must be missing in me spiritually and I'm going to have to work on that even though I'm not sure how yet... but it'll come to me.
You have great attitude Weezer! Keep it up, more people should have such a positive outlook on life, you choose to grow and learn from your mistakes, while lots of others beat themselves up and dwell on them.
It was a learning experience for sure. We were just in two different places in our lives. I've already grinded on my career, so I'm in a comfortable position. I'm at a spot to where I'm comfortable with my career decision and I'm happy. She's starting over building hers in a new location. Like she said, she was looking to just kinda date a little bit, but ended up in a relationship with a good guy. It was just more than she was looking for and now she's back to focusing on her career. She has quite a bit of student loan debt and she's in a field that doesn't pay anywhere close to her school debt, so it's frustrating for her. I had more disposable income, so I was helping out more with the grocery shopping and the dates. Initially I thought she had more money available to date, but then I found out she didn't. It wasn't a deal breaker, but I offered to pay for groceries and if she was willing to cook more and I would help, that would help both of us.
Come to find out, she felt that she had reverted back to a 1950's married scenario and didn't like that. Which is perfectly fine to not like it. I just had to make the call that being in a relationship, where you can't contribute financially to really any dates, is going to change things. She offered the dining hall, which we ate at often, but once again, being around college kids all the time wasn't my idea of fun. It was a situation where both of us were just looking to travel in two different directions.
I'm happy that she has so much ambition to focus on her career too. It was just going to take a lot of time away from us, which in that scenario I would have felt too single in a relationship. That's worse than being single, so we made the best decision for us for the time being.
It was a learning experience for sure. We were just in two different places in our lives. I've already grinded on my career, so I'm in a comfortable position. I'm at a spot to where I'm comfortable with my career decision and I'm happy. She's starting over building hers in a new location. Like she said, she was looking to just kinda date a little bit, but ended up in a relationship with a good guy. It was just more than she was looking for and now she's back to focusing on her career. She has quite a bit of student loan debt and she's in a field that doesn't pay anywhere close to her school debt, so it's frustrating for her. I had more disposable income, so I was helping out more with the grocery shopping and the dates. Initially I thought she had more money available to date, but then I found out she didn't. It wasn't a deal breaker, but I offered to pay for groceries and if she was willing to cook more and I would help, that would help both of us.
Come to find out, she felt that she had reverted back to a 1950's married scenario and didn't like that. Which is perfectly fine to not like it. I just had to make the call that being in a relationship, where you can't contribute financially to really any dates, is going to change things. She offered the dining hall, which we ate at often, but once again, being around college kids all the time wasn't my idea of fun. It was a situation where both of us were just looking to travel in two different directions.
I'm happy that she has so much ambition to focus on her career too. It was just going to take a lot of time away from us, which in that scenario I would have felt too single in a relationship. That's worse than being single, so we made the best decision for us for the time being.
Yea I'm around your age, and I can't imagine that being fun at all, especially if it happened often!
Yea I'm around your age, and I can't imagine that being fun at all, especially if it happened often!
It was different. It's not that I don't think this age demographic has nothing to offer, I'm just on more adult things in my life. Where they're trying to "Netflix and Chill" I'm just trying to "Netflix". Where they're trying to discover themselves and their worth in the world, I know myself (mostly) and my worth in the world. Being around that all the time was like resetting my life everyday. It would have been fine if she had the option to live off campus, even nearby, but with her contract she actually has to live in the campus subsidized apartment complex. It's a 10 year old apartment (houses 480 students), but it's set up for college students. Tiny kitchen and main living room, with two bedrooms. There's just not a lot of space to stretch out, because 18-22 year olds don't need a lot of space, since mostly their scholarships are paying for their room and board expenses. It was just a different lifestyle entirely.
She's such a sweetheart too. Even she said she feels that she really needs to be selfish right now in her life and focus on her career. I was in the same boat when I was in an on and off again relationship when I was 27. I had to be selfish too, because my life was leading me where I didn't want to go in life. Come to find out, it ended up being the best decision for me. My career really took off and I was able to make more income to better support myself. I ended that relationship still living with my Mom at the time and spending the night with my then girlfriend most nights.
I made this post to hopefully give inspiration to other people that are single. Yeah, it's going to suck at times, but it's also a time in your life where you can be selfish and really focus on yourself and your wants.
The best part is that you will ultimately discover that you don't need someone else to "complete you" like many on this forum think.
If you can't love yourself & your own company, nobody else can either, which is why dating around does not work if you've never taken those years of self-reflection.
Good for you!
Last edited by convextech; 01-19-2016 at 10:44 AM..
Sorry, weezer I think though, a lot of heartache and resentment can be spared when two people recognize when a relationship has run its course, and part amicably, rather than clinging to relationship that just doesn't have to the long term potential they hope for.
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