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Sorry, weezer I think though, a lot of heartache and resentment can be spared when two people recognize when a relationship has run its course, and part amicably, rather than clinging to relationship that just doesn't have to the long term potential they hope for.
And that's what ended up happening with us. We knew October was going to be a bad month. We kept saying next month would get better, but the next month never came. She went home for two weeks in December, and I think she had a hard time coming back. Her parents are going through a divorce after 30 years of marriage and it's really hurting her. She's going to have to look into therapy to sort those things out. For her, she just had too many irons in the fire, and since I was the last one in, I'm the first one out. She knew I was a good guy, but she just couldn't offer all of herself to me at this time. Her focus really needed to be on her career, working through her family issues, and her health. It sucked because I really wish we could have continued to work on things, but it just wasn't possible.
She's at the early stages of building her resume for her career, while also trying to get into Grad School as well. I think the only way it would work is if I was totally content with only seeing each other when our schedules are free. From a relationship standpoint I just don't work that way. Relationships require sacrifices and I felt that seeing each other 3 days a week is quite possible, since we're not a long distance relationship (about a 5 minute drive in between us). I knew she was the type person that pushes people away when her schedule gets hectic, so it wasn't super surprising that she pushed me away.
A relationship takes a lot of work. That is something I found out from this one, and it's even more work when you're not on the same page financially, fundamentally, or even life choices. I just learned a lot, because this wasn't one that was completely out of left field, but it also showed me that we were both trying to make something work that just couldn't work with the current obligations on her plate. I'm much more available to date compared to herself, but I've designed my life that way for a reason. I already took my time being single to grind on my career, so I would have more time to date as well.
She'll get there as well. She's got plenty of time at only being 26.
Another relationship I was in came to an end over the weekend. Even though it only lasted 4 months, it was one where I learned the most. With me turning 32 in a couple of weeks and her being 26, she wants to take some time to be selfish and focus on her career. She's an RA Director for a local university and is over student life for the Junior/Senior apartments. Our issues were focused around finances and me no longer wanting to be that involved in the college life. I know some people miss college and the freedom, but it's something I don't miss one bit. Being my age and being around 18-22 year olds all the time got really old in a hurry. The woman I was with was great and very sweet, we just wanted different things at this moment.
What I noticed after going through this situation, I don't think I want to pursue anyone with serious intent for a while. I'm going to seriously put some thought into making some type of change in my life. Whether it be where I live or how I live. As much as it stinks that I'm single again, this is the first time I've ever ended up single and just didn't dread it. I'll have bouts of loneliness, but I feel like this was as an amicable break up as it could be. I couldn't argue with her wanting to be selfish and focus on her career, because when I was her age, I was elbows deep in singledom. I had no time for a relationship as I was trying to finish up my college degree and focus on my career as well.
I knew when we got together it was going to be tough, but I also knew, whether we work out or not, I was going to learn more valuable information. So as 2016 starts, I plan to take the year and focus on myself. I dated around a lot from 2014 - 2015, and I really got tired of the Peter Pan process. I really got tired of constantly going through the interview process. I really want to focus on myself for a while and really lay some ground rules to what I'm ultimately after. I'm not getting any younger and I've pretty much decided that I don't want children, so that is off the table. I'm excited for what I will accomplish this year in my personal life and my career. Single wasn't what I was expecting, but single this time doesn't hurt as bad as single did all the other times.
I made this post to hopefully give inspiration to other people that are single. Yeah, it's going to suck at times, but it's also a time in your life where you can be selfish and really focus on yourself and your wants. Sometimes things happen because we still need to make improvements in our lives. I whole-heartedly believe there's still some rocks left unturned in my life that I need to put some focus on.
Stay positive my friends.
Say it ain't so
Brother it gets mighty lonely at times being single.. but I guess it can be pretty lonely in a relationship also if it's not with the right person.
Another relationship I was in came to an end over the weekend. Even though it only lasted 4 months, it was one where I learned the most. With me turning 32 in a couple of weeks and her being 26, she wants to take some time to be selfish and focus on her career. She's an RA Director for a local university and is over student life for the Junior/Senior apartments. Our issues were focused around finances and me no longer wanting to be that involved in the college life. I know some people miss college and the freedom, but it's something I don't miss one bit. Being my age and being around 18-22 year olds all the time got really old in a hurry. The woman I was with was great and very sweet, we just wanted different things at this moment.
What I noticed after going through this situation, I don't think I want to pursue anyone with serious intent for a while. I'm going to seriously put some thought into making some type of change in my life. Whether it be where I live or how I live. As much as it stinks that I'm single again, this is the first time I've ever ended up single and just didn't dread it. I'll have bouts of loneliness, but I feel like this was as an amicable break up as it could be. I couldn't argue with her wanting to be selfish and focus on her career, because when I was her age, I was elbows deep in singledom. I had no time for a relationship as I was trying to finish up my college degree and focus on my career as well.
I knew when we got together it was going to be tough, but I also knew, whether we work out or not, I was going to learn more valuable information. So as 2016 starts, I plan to take the year and focus on myself. I dated around a lot from 2014 - 2015, and I really got tired of the Peter Pan process. I really got tired of constantly going through the interview process. I really want to focus on myself for a while and really lay some ground rules to what I'm ultimately after. I'm not getting any younger and I've pretty much decided that I don't want children, so that is off the table. I'm excited for what I will accomplish this year in my personal life and my career. Single wasn't what I was expecting, but single this time doesn't hurt as bad as single did all the other times.
I made this post to hopefully give inspiration to other people that are single. Yeah, it's going to suck at times, but it's also a time in your life where you can be selfish and really focus on yourself and your wants. Sometimes things happen because we still need to make improvements in our lives. I whole-heartedly believe there's still some rocks left unturned in my life that I need to put some focus on.
Stay positive my friends.
Why do you label her focus on career selfish?
Unless the both of you are / were 1%ers (or heck, even 5%ers) that seems to be a poor thinking pattern there.
Thanks everyone. It's still sad, but it's the first time I've been this positive about a breakup ever.
Thanks for sharing your story! I'd say it's sad, but I found it inspirational, and its impressive to me to see the personal growth you've experienced by sharing here for the past few years. Being so in tune with yourself will serve you well with your future choices.
Unless the both of you are / were 1%ers (or heck, even 5%ers) that seems to be a poor thinking pattern there.
She used the word selfish, because she said she had to focus more on her career and less on her relationship. She knew I wanted more than 1 day a week together, so she felt if she couldn't give more than that, then she was being selfish. If you want to be in a serious relationship, you better have expectations from your partner. I'm not saying they're anything outlandish, but for me and where I'm at in life, I need about 3 days a week for a relationship to seemingly work. Anything less than that on a continuous schedule is just going to make me feel single, and if I feel single, I rather just be single. It's why I don't do long distance relationships. There's nothing in it for me. My feelings matter just as much as her feelings.
There's so much sadness, depression, and negativity in the relationship section of this forum, and I too am guilty of contributing to that. It's interesting how when one is feeling really sad over a breakup (aka me, for the past few months) that they continue to feel even worse reading posts by other people in the same boat. Yes, it can be comforting to know you aren't alone and other people are dealing with similar situations. But it certainly does no good in helping one move forward or boosting one's mood. Your post was exactly what I needed to read!
I've ben trying really hard to focus on the BENEFITS of my relationship ending and not dwell on the sadness or the things I miss. It can be really hard when the breakup wasn't mutual, but I am positive that there has to be some benefits to every relationship ending, otherwise it wouldn't have ended. Being single again is a difficult transition, but you have reminded me that it's time for me to recharge, reflect, and become a better me. I tried jumping back into dating too soon after my breakup knowing how much my lifestyle was about to change and trying to cling to what I had just lost. It was a bad idea. I'm now taking it really slow, going on an occasional date when I feel like it, not jumping into anything I don't feel is right, and TRYING to enjoy all the extra time I have for myself (I get to read more! And catch up on tv! I'm starting 2 volunteer positions! etc).
Thanks again for the insightful and mature post. You have helped one single gal feel a little better
Oh, and btw, I can't blame you one bit about not wanting to be in the university lifestyle. I'm 29, and have several friends that took the Hall Director/Higher Education route after college. It would maybe be fun for a few years right after college, but in my opinion it would reach a point where it's time to move on from that lifestyle.
There's so much sadness, depression, and negativity in the relationship section of this forum, and I too am guilty of contributing to that. It's interesting how when one is feeling really sad over a breakup (aka me, for the past few months) that they continue to feel even worse reading posts by other people in the same boat. Yes, it can be comforting to know you aren't alone and other people are dealing with similar situations. But it certainly does no good in helping one move forward or boosting one's mood. Your post was exactly what I needed to read!
I've ben trying really hard to focus on the BENEFITS of my relationship ending and not dwell on the sadness or the things I miss. It can be really hard when the breakup wasn't mutual, but I am positive that there has to be some benefits to every relationship ending, otherwise it wouldn't have ended. Being single again is a difficult transition, but you have reminded me that it's time for me to recharge, reflect, and become a better me. I tried jumping back into dating too soon after my breakup knowing how much my lifestyle was about to change and trying to cling to what I had just lost. It was a bad idea. I'm now taking it really slow, going on an occasional date when I feel like it, not jumping into anything I don't feel is right, and TRYING to enjoy all the extra time I have for myself (I get to read more! And catch up on tv! I'm starting 2 volunteer positions! etc).
Thanks again for the insightful and mature post. You have helped one single gal feel a little better
Oh, and btw, I can't blame you one bit about not wanting to be in the university lifestyle. I'm 29, and have several friends that took the Hall Director/Higher Education route after college. It would maybe be fun for a few years right after college, but in my opinion it would reach a point where it's time to move on from that lifestyle.
This was where we disagreed the most too. Just not very interested in the college lifestyle anymore. Been out of college for almost 5 years and I don't miss it one bit. The students, the instructors, the events, none of it. I'm much more happy in my career and what it's offered me than what college ever offered me. For me, college was nothing more than a distraction that my employer wanted me to pursue to get ahead in my career. I still tell everyone to go to college, if you can, because it will pave the way for your future. Even though I know I never really enjoyed college or wanting to hold on to those memories. I just never cared.
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I think though, a lot of heartache and resentment can be spared when two people recognize when a relationship has run its course, and part amicably, rather than clinging to relationship that just doesn't have to the long term potential they hope for.
