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As a women it is probably difficult for you to fathom the vast amount of rejection the vast majority of men face.
Most of life is rejection. You don't get every girl you ask out, you don't get every job you apply for, you don't get every scholarship you apply for, you don't win every game you play in sports, etc. To put it bluntly most people, most of the time, "lose" more times than they "win."
If you are truly always rejected by women, you need to stop and evaluate yourself and make some changes either to yourself or maybe even just your approach. Just the same as you would if you were always rejected for every job you apply for where you would either change your skill set or your approach (meaning your resume, cover letter, etc). Or if you lost every match you play, you learn how to improve and try harder.
There is a lot in life that is out of our control and rejection is one of those things. In the end you can just accept it and give up (that is your right) or you can take your life into your own hands and make changes. But complaining about it doesn't do a thing.
It is a numbers game. Men outnumber women by about 2 to 1 on most dating sites, so it will naturally be more difficult for men to get dates online. But if you are a fairly good looking man who is 5-10 or above, have a good salary and don't come off as desperate when you contact women you have a decent chance at getting some dates.
People do meet online, but it certainly isn't like the ads portray. Des, no offense but from your posts you sound somewhat frustrated and desperate, and I would bet that is coming across when you contact women online.
Most of life is rejection. You don't get every girl you ask out, you don't get every job you apply for, you don't get every scholarship you apply for, you don't win every game you play in sports, etc. To put it bluntly most people, most of the time, "lose" more times than they "win."
If you are truly always rejected by women, you need to stop and evaluate yourself and make some changes either to yourself or maybe even just your approach. Just the same as you would if you were always rejected for every job you apply for where you would either change your skill set or your approach (meaning your resume, cover letter, etc). Or if you lost every match you play, you learn how to improve and try harder.
There is a lot in life that is out of our control and rejection is one of those things. In the end you can just accept it and give up (that is your right) or you can take your life into your own hands and make changes. But complaining about it doesn't do a thing.
Women are not like job interviews at least there is some regulation to job interviews. I realize the system is rigged against me so I choose not to participate.
A brilliantly eloquent essay that is absolutely, 1000% spot on....every word. I feel a little better now. Maybe it isn't me after all, as I've been ranting about as of late.
Although this site is written about POF, the essence can be applied to pretty much every site.
Quote: "women’s egos will be fed to the point of explosion. It no longer matters what the woman looks like (despite the fact that appearance is everything on Plenty of Fish). It won’t be long that the woman genuinely believes she really is this beautiful, stunning creature that she is being told she is every day by the overflow of males. Her ego will shoot to the roof and, as she is able to take her pick of any man on the site, the list of demands will become more and more unrealistic; any confidence which she possessed will immediately turn into arrogance and, suddenly, no man on the site is good enough, even the ones who are actually genuine; they find themselves falling into the same category as the desperadoes and creeps. This self-delusion soon creates bitterness and frustration in ALL of the men, who cannot understand how they are constantly rejected in such a rude manner by women they wouldn’t give a second glance to in the real world.....
....Defiant single mothers with pictures of themselves and their kids, claiming that the kids come first and if the men on the site don’t like it, they can get lost....
....The problem with this site, as appears to be the problem with internet dating in general, is that people’s expectations are far too high"
......it appears that this particular ocean is overflowing with angry, bitter men and stuck-up, deluded women"
-Unquote.
So in other words, the women will sit there and chase off men with a Billy Club. Then when they eventually succeed, sit there and complain that no men are attracted to them. At least...not the ones that SHOULD be worthy of their time.
Now I see how this vicious negative feedback loop begins!
Hallelujah
So maybe I have been right all along. It's not me. It really is the women who are way too full of themselves and need to get a grip on reality.
And that, boys and girls, is an excellent example of confirmation bias.
Granted, it's now been 10+ years, but I met my lovely wife on Match.com and had zero problems getting dates on Match.com.
But, it's easier to blame the medium/app than it is to look inward, I suppose.
It is a numbers game. Men outnumber women by about 2 to 1 on most dating sites, so it will naturally be more difficult for men to get dates online. But if you are a fairly good looking man who is 5-10 or above, have a good salary and don't come off as desperate when you contact women you have a decent chance at getting some dates.
People do meet online, but it certainly isn't like the ads portray. Des, no offense but from your posts you sound somewhat frustrated and desperate, and I would bet that is coming across when you contact women online.
I agree if you come across as desperate to a woman, to most normal women that's a red flag and they will turn you down. And it should be. If you are a man, do you want a frustrated desperate woman in your life? So why would a woman want you if you come across the same way.
I think the OP is doing a smart thing by dropping out of online. It's frustrating him to an unhealthy point. He needs a break from it and needs to rebuild his ego. Get out there and do things to build confidence and better himself. Then, when he is ready, reevaluate how he approaches women and dating and make some changes to improve his chances. And maybe accept online isn't for him. It's not the be all, end all of finding a date (and I really do think it favors the more selective and focused person--no matter what their gender).
I KNOW that I have been making an honest effort to put my best foot forward by being respectful, polite, and doing everything I've repeatedly been told I should be doing.
So yeah. This IS something that the blame can be squarely and entirely dumped into THEIR lap.
I met my bf on Tinder and so did 3 other girls I know. Honestly, it's not the women that are the problem, and it's not necessarily your fault either. Maybe you're just not a given woman's type. And that's OK. You will be some woman's type. There is someone for everyone out there.
Also bear in mind that something like 60% of online daters are men so while there is still someone for everyone, you may not necessarily find your someone on the internet. Again, not women's collective fault.
Location: Watching half my country turn into Gilead
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Des-Lab
That's absolutely right.
I KNOW that I have been making an honest effort to put my best foot forward by being respectful, polite, and doing everything I've repeatedly been told I should be doing.
So yeah. This IS something that the blame can be squarely and entirely dumped into THEIR lap.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BornintheSprings
As a women it is probably difficult for you to fathom the vast amount of rejection the vast majority of men face.
I don't think this is true about online dating--at all. As someone who's had great success on OLD, I really question what other guys' "best foot forward" is. I often think a lot of guys either have terribly written profiles/photos, send lame opening messages instead of saying "Hi, my name is...how are you?", or are chasing after "10s" so to speak. You should know your appropriate level of woman, so to speak. Rule of thumb, the hotter the woman, the less likely you are to get with her no matter how good looking/successful you are, and the likelier that she has major issues anyway.
Dating, to me, is a lot like baseball. The best hitter in baseball history, what, struck out 65% of the time? Sometimes the other team (other guys) robs you of a home run, turns a double play, or just makes a great play in general. Doesn't mean you suck, it just means it wasn't your day. And the more valuable the woman (good looking, good job, no kids, etc), the more elite competition you will face. If you're consistently "grounding out" so to speak, though, then I would go back to the drawing board--your online profile. Does it spell out exactly who you are as a person? What you're looking for? Are the photos current, and do they show off your interests? Selfies of your abs are nice, but women are less attracted to the visual then men are. A picture of your recently rebuilt Honda, or a screenshot of your favorite TV show will work wonders, believe me.
And that, boys and girls, is an excellent example of confirmation bias.
Granted, it's now been 10+ years, but I met my lovely wife on Match.com and had zero problems getting dates on Match.com.
But, it's easier to blame the medium/app than it is to look inward, I suppose.
Spoken like a real pompous jerk sitting there saying "I got mine...so skrew [sic] you"
Go walk in my shoes for awhile. Then come back and tell me that. With no due respect, you are in exactly zero position to lecture myself or for that matter, anyone on this subject.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
I think the OP is doing a smart thing by dropping out of online. It's frustrating him to an unhealthy point. He needs a break from it and needs to rebuild his ego.
The OP is seeking redemption, relief, and satisfaction. He WILL get it, one way or another.
Quote:
Originally Posted by torontocheeka
You will be some woman's type. There is someone for everyone out there.
Maybe, maybe not. But not to intentionally contradict my own post, it doesn't seem like I'm ANYONES type.....anywhere. Someone else said it's a numbers game and I agree. But doesn't that mean that "heads" SHOULD come up at least once in awhile?
Spoken like a real pompous jerk sitting there saying "I got mine...so skrew [sic] you"
Go walk in my shoes for awhile. Then come back and tell me that. With no due respect, you are in exactly zero position to lecture myself or for that matter, anyone on this subject.
While you may not like the tone, he's right. Finding one person (or even several) somewhere who believes the same as you doesn't make the concept correct. I'm on board with some of the general concepts you're referring to, but not the overwhelming ideal that it's 100% responsible for your lack of success.
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