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Yawn another male bashing post. Women are perfect men are awful. Yeah heard it all before.
Men are visually oriented. It is basic biology. Some men are willing to wait forever. Most smart men try to gauge how comfortable a woman is with their sexuality to avoid a lifetime of "not tonight dear" every time they want to do the wild thang.
And spare me the alarmist "I feel for the women today" stuff. My female friends have had no trouble finding compatible people who (gasp) wanted to get married. Some waited until marriage, some did it on or after the third date. All I know is I won't wait over 60-90 days just to find out a woman is ashamed of her sexuality.
Re: the bolded, a woman who is respectful of herself, her sexuality and her boundaries does NOT mean that she's ashamed of her sexuality! Don't be absurd. That's insulting and idiotic.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Missy2U
Re: the bolded, a woman who is respectful of herself, her sexuality and her boundaries does NOT mean that she's ashamed of her sexuality! Don't be absurd. That's insulting and idiotic.
He didn't say that it means that. Read what he said.
You don't come across in this single post as a guy who is interested in "getting to know someone" before you have sex with them. One post, however, is not a very reliable indicator.
Invest more time in getting to know her than on the lack of sex is one suggestion.
However, that he has not made any mention at all of anything but sex, one has to wonder. There is no, "Everything else is great. We get along, like the same things, seems like we share the same values, and we have a great time and great conversation on our dates. I'm not seeing anyone else and would like to take things to another level with her."
It's just "I don't go on 7 dates if all I want is sex," which is something this woman has absolutely no way of knowing unless he gets that point across somehow. Even if he says something like that to her, she's left to read his mind or fill in blanks, and would be within her rights to come back with, "Well, then what DO you want?" So OP, be prepared to answer that, clearly and explicitly.
Is 7 dates over a month and a half too long to go without at least some clothes coming off? For me, personally, yes. But by the time I was 29, I had not already been married and divorced, and I had had more than one partner by then. I also can't imagine accepting more than two dates with a man and not returning the favor in terms of taking him out and paying for the date myself. Doesn't matter that their dates thus far have not been expensive. It's the principle of the thing: At that point, it's to let him know I like him and enjoy his company (enough to pay for it! ), and am not taking him for a ride for meals, etc.
Maybe what the OP needs to do is find out a little bit more about the circumstances of her marriage. Did she marry young and quickly? Was her ex-hub abusive in any way? Was it a nasty divorce or an amicable one? Was it sudden? Did he cheat? How long was the marriage and how long ago did it end? This stuff matters. Heck, if her divorce was recent after a long and unhappy marriage, she may not be gung-ho on taking what is for her a big step, one that she feels would entail a commitment that she is not ready to make herself. Maybe for her sex means exclusivity, and she's not ready to be exclusive.
Bottom line is OP needs to talk this out with her, including where he sees the relationship going as well as what they both want.
But yeah, this, "7 DATES! Y U NO PUT OUT" stuff sounds very narrow and one-tracked.
I say sex is a normal and healthy part of a relationship. I say discuss it with her and if she does not think the same as you do, than be done with her and her issues. If she says she wants to wait until marriage than be done with her ASAP.
So nicely put. You two are likely rare. What I bolded is commonplace from what is often posted here, being how guys "want it immediately or they are gone". Then, women who end up wondering "what happened after having had sex". Either way, there are expectations and dissatisfaction. And typically, men do not seem to be seeking relationships. What are females to do, if that is what they want?
Not all guys want to have sex as quickly as possible. Plenty of guys want to get to know a woman before having sex.
What should a female who wants a relationship do? Same thing a guy who is concerned about whether or not sex is ever going to happen should do- have a conversation with each other about expectations in this area.
It seems that many men have zero interest in becoming actually involved. They do not seem to care to spend time finding out if a person is compatible or not worth getting to know better. This has always existed, but seems to have worsened. I don't know how change might be established, so there is a more equal approach and outlook.
Men are so visually-oriented and are so impressed by constant, sexual imagery. It is like they are on the edge at all times to require this, transferring their expectations upon any woman they begin to know, wanting instant gratification. There is no "gratification" in getting to know a woman, apparently. Women want sex too, but rather want to find out who it is they are going to be doing this with.
I am done with it, myself - but feel badly for females of any age who are attempting to find a steady, compatible involvement with another.
Plenty of guys will wait. What guys are concerned with is investing their time, money, and emotions in a woman who is ultimately not that interested in having sex with them at all.
If women took more initiative in the dating process, such as asking the guys out and paying for the dates more often, this would not be a problem.
You want a guy to "wait" until you are ready? Then take more initiative in the dating process.
I don't think the fact that the lady has been/is waiting for sex necessarily means she has "issues". It just might mean that she has "standards" regarding the next guy she sleeps with. We have no idea how the OP has even interacted with her except for his post about his TIME being so all important, but if that's the way he's coming across to her, then I can certainly see why she would be hesitant. Dating is not supposed to be a "quid pro quo" experience.
But thing is, even that's got flaws in it. A test drive just shows how things are running now. But it doesn't tell how it'll be running in 15 years.
There's the saying,"Try before you buy." Lets say you test drive a car. It's pleasing to look at, and now you wanna see how it runs. You try it, and it runs great. Then after 10+ years of having it, it doesn't look as good anymore, and doesn't start up like it used to. Then you have to start spending money getting it fixed up again, and working on repairs for other problems. So, if that car has sentimental value to, you may be willing to try preserving it as long as possible. Or, you can just trade it in for a younger model. Hardly anything anyone plans to buy for the long hall stays mint forever. Then what happens when it's not? Do you just toss it?
Not to be dehumanizing, but people can be the same way. Just because you had killer sex right away doesn't mean it'll stay that way if you plan on spending the next 20+ years with someone. Something is bound to change, or dwindle.
So that's the tricky part for people who put great emphasis on looks and sex at the beginning. Your partner may be decent-attractive looking and terrific, for you, in bed at first. But when you get serious and plan to stay with them down the line, both may wear off - now the sex has diminished in frequency, or some stuff they no longer do, and / or they aged like milk. Then what?
Sex that starts out bad will, more than likely, stay bad. Sex that starts out fantastic will have a much better chance of staying good as the years go by.
I don't think the fact that the lady has been/is waiting for sex necessarily means she has "issues". It just might mean that she has "standards" regarding the next guy she sleeps with. We have no idea how the OP has even interacted with her except for his post about his TIME being so all important, but if that's the way he's coming across to her, then I can certainly see why she would be hesitant. Dating is not supposed to be a "quid pro quo" experience.
Actually, it is quid pro quo to a degree. Nobody wants to waste too much time on someone or something that is not going to pan out.
If women took more initiative and didn't expect the guy to put in most of the effort for planning and paying, then the sex timeline would not be such an issue.
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), and am not taking him for a ride for meals, etc.
