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Who said anything about being offended? One might be hurt, which I think would be understandable. But I maintain that any man who would ask me for a pre-nup is either paranoid or hasn't been paying attention the whole time he courted me. I'm a minimalist. If anything, someone having money and a whole lot of crap with a big, huge carbon footprint is going to be a turnoff for me. Another reason I never pushed for marriage with the last SO. He was materialistic. I do believe he regarded me as something of a problem to shop for because I never wanted anything. To me it's all just more stuff to clean, maintain, fix, or find a spot for. Didn't stop him from giving me stuff, most of which I got rid of when we broke up, anyway.
Regardless, somehow, I managed to get along my whole adult life without living off a man. As a writer, to boot. Hasn't always been easy, but I'm fine with going another 49 the same way. So again, if I were that insecure in my judgment of someone, and that worried about precious dollars, I just wouldn't marry. I would expect someone else who jumped through all the hoops one would have to jump through to get me interested in committing in the first place to have the same intelligence about it, too. I daresay any man who would ask ME for a prenup is a fool.
This may come as a shocker, but sometimes it's isn't just about you or about "mine vs yours"
The only people I know who have gone through the hassle of securing things through a prenuptial agreement have done so to protect others. Businesses and assets vital to keeping others livelihoods secured.
As a guy who lost half a million dollars in a divorce, I am sorry, I need a pre-nup.
Sorry to hear that. All due respect, it's situations like this that make me glad I never got married to my gold-digging ex-gf...not that I have that much money to lose, but she would have cleaned out what little I did have
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,037,797 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoctorLove01
If someone gets offended at a person bringing up a prenup, perhaps their intentions aren't as pure as they would like to believe. Too many people are getting screwed in the divorce court, especially if there are kids involved. Don't be stupid, protect your assets.
Very very very few marriages ever end up in a divorce court. A few percent at most, so it is unlikely that many people are getting the shaft in them.
Very very very few marriages ever end up in a divorce court. A few percent at most, so it is unlikely that many people are getting the shaft in them.
Personally... I wouldn't use a " statistic " as to how many divorces end up being contested when it comes to my decision in protecting my assets. Plus... How many of those uncontested divorces have substantial assets in the mix? I am betting that even those " few" that do go to court are fighting over finances... Or kids.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,037,797 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123
Personally... I wouldn't use a " statistic " as to how many divorces end up being contested when it comes to my decision in protecting my assets. Plus... How many of those uncontested divorces have substantial assets in the mix? I am betting that even those " few" that do go to court are fighting over finances... Or kids.
No, but I would use statistics to prevent myself from becoming paranoid over something that has a very tiny chance of happening. And sure, there are economic issues in divorce, but the ones I've seen and heard about are about assets accumulated during the marriage, usually where one a**hat thinks that the partnership shouldn't retroactively been a partnership (and a pre nup won't do anything to help that).
There are times and places for these things, but generally the people you hear whining about them are usually young and fearful of losing almost nothing, and having it be an unreasonable fear, or those that aren't interested in marrying and equal and then want to complain about the result of that poor decision going wrong.
Protecting assets for children (esp with health needs) from previous relationships, or protecting family businesses where others are involved, that exist prior to the union are completely different animals... but those aren't the people you hear yelling about the issue.
My husband and I are on the same page about our relationship and our marriage. No prenup needed. And, yes, I would have been offended if he had asked for one. And he would have been offended if I had asked for one as well. Like I said - we are on the same page and that's all that matters.
Protecting assets for children (esp with health needs) from previous relationships, or protecting family businesses where others are involved, that exist prior to the union are completely different animals...
This^^^^^ is what I've "mostly" been talking about. The rest, like your " asshat analogy " and assets "earned during the marriage " is just smoke and mirrors, and really don't have to do with the need for a prenup. Why would someone want a prenup for protection if there was nothing to protect? Maybe I assumed wrong when reading the OP, but I thought the gist was... Protecting assets that one had acquired pre-marriage.
Last edited by Sydney123; 04-26-2016 at 02:44 PM..
This^^^^^ is what I've "mostly" been talking about. The rest, like your " asshat analogy " and assets "earned during the marriage " is just smoke and mirrors, and really don't have to do with the need for a prenup. Why would someone want a prenup for protection if there was nothing to protect? Maybe I assumed wrong when reading the OP, but I thought the gist was... Protecting assets that one had acquired pre-marriage.
Yes your assumptions were wrong and it's pretty standard and common sense that anything pre-marriage isn't up for negotiations and that's pretty much the law everywhere. Also it's pretty standard that everything earned within the marriage is split 50/50 which makes it really no need for a prenup.
However there are some people that marry but know they are going to earn a lot during the marriage or they already have a job with a high salary and they don't want to have to split their earnings 50/50 in a divorce. That is the issue I have. Why would not want to give someone their fair share in the marriage? No one put a gun to your head and told you to choose them, so just because things didn't work out doesn't mean they still are not owed their fair share within the marriage.
As for kids, at Timberline stated those assets are generally protected in a trust so a prenup isn't needed for that. That's what trust are for to protect family, I have a trust so regardless of a divorce no one would be entitled to it.
A prenup is specifically for the couple which as I stated if a man didn't want to split things 50/50 in a divorce, he's not someone I would marry. Anyone who wants to keep their earnings to themselves don't need to get married like Oprah. However if you choose to marry then you need to be okay with splitting things 50/50 if they go south. All that you leave the marriage with what you came in with is selfish and is not a true reflection of give and take in a marriage. Both parties are giving in different ways but it doesn't make it any more or less valuable than the other.
It's also exactly why the feminist movement started because men didn't appreciate the "work" wives did in the home and there was no protection for them which is why alimony was passed. Just because a woman doesn't work outside the home doesn't mean she doesn't contribute to the household therefor asking her to sign a prenup is a slap in the face. If you don't want to financially provide for someone then don't get married and now men are complaining about "career" women well maybe there wouldn't be the need for career women if things like prenups weren't thrown in their faces. Why sign a prenup when I can just not marry you and make my own money.
Yes your assumptions were wrong and it's pretty standard and common sense that anything pre-marriage isn't up for negotiations and that's pretty much the law everywhere. Also it's pretty standard that everything earned within the marriage is split 50/50 which makes it really no need for a prenup.
However there are some people that marry but know they are going to earn a lot during the marriage or they already have a job with a high salary and they don't want to have to split their earnings 50/50 in a divorce. That is the issue I have. Why would not want to give someone their fair share in the marriage? No one put a gun to your head and told you to choose them, so just because things didn't work out doesn't mean they still are not owed their fair share within the marriage.
As for kids, at Timberline stated those assets are generally protected in a trust so a prenup isn't needed for that. That's what trust are for to protect family, I have a trust so regardless of a divorce no one would be entitled to it.
A prenup is specifically for the couple which as I stated if a man didn't want to split things 50/50 in a divorce, he's not someone I would marry. Anyone who wants to keep their earnings to themselves don't need to get married like Oprah. However if you choose to marry then you need to be okay with splitting things 50/50 if they go south. All that you leave the marriage with what you came in with is selfish and is not a true reflection of give and take in a marriage. Both parties are giving in different ways but it doesn't make it any more or less valuable than the other.
It's also exactly why the feminist movement started because men didn't appreciate the "work" wives did in the home and there was no protection for them which is why alimony was passed. Just because a woman doesn't work outside the home doesn't mean she doesn't contribute to the household therefor asking her to sign a prenup is a slap in the face. If you don't want to financially provide for someone then don't get married and now men are complaining about "career" women well maybe there wouldn't be the need for career women if things like prenups weren't thrown in their faces. Why sign a prenup when I can just not marry you and make my own money.
Why would you feel entitled to half of what he had before he married you? Sorry, but you are wrong. What sense would it make for a man to try and deny her 1/2 of his earnings in a 50/50 state.? Pre ( before)
nup ( marriage). A prenup in order to try and keep her from getting half of what he earned during the marriage would a fools errand and very unlikely to prevail in court. which I am sure his attorney would point out from the start. Prenups are for people who have assets pre ( there's that word again) marriage that they wish to protect.
You might want to bone up on pre marital assets. Not all are protected in the event of a divorce.
What I find funny is that you say you have a trust fund and are protected, yet you'd have an issue with someone else wanting to protect their assets. The only difference is that you don't have to ask for a prenup because you're already protected.
Last edited by Sydney123; 04-26-2016 at 03:39 PM..
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